Now that The Fantastic Four- First Steps is now out in theaters, I decided to do something totally insane and rank every single Marvel movie ever! Not just the movies related to the Marvel Cinematic Universe but all theatrically-released films that have some sort of connection to Marvel. That includes all the Marvel movies made by Fox, Sony, Marvel Studios, and even that one more Disney themselves.
Throughout last year, I actually took the time to watch every other Marvel-related film that I haven’t got around to just for the sake of making this list. Why? Because I have no life whatsoever and I like making insane lists! That’s why!
But anyways, let’s get into list making and rank all 90 theatrically-released Marvel films from best to worst! If you agree with this list, awesome! If you disagree, fine and I likely will by the time I actually publish this! Either way, let’s have some fun and rank these superhero flicks!
Btw, NO I’m not going into any sort of description of each said film because then this list would take a million years to make! I’m just gonna let the ranked number for each film speak for themselves!
I never thought I would be doing ANOTHER piece talking about Madame Web. As a matter of fact, it was around the time that Chris Stuckmann posted his Madame Web “review” that I posted my piece on why it’s time for Sony to give Spider-Man back to Marvel. And it’s around the time of writing of which Bob Chipman, A.K.A. Moviebob, just uploaded his take on this trivial matter that I’m about to do my take on.
In all seriousness, Madame Web came out last month and was universally panned across the board by professional critics and those that actually had the guts to watch that turd in the wind in theaters. And while there has been stupid discourse over the financial bombing and lackluster quality of that movie, most notably that the sole reason it failed is because female led superhero stories don’t work because….women, the most obnoxious that I’m still seeing back and forth on social media weeks later is on Chris Stuckmann’s take on the movie, or most notably about the studio politics and behind the scenes drama surrounding it.
In case you don’t know who Chris Stuckmann is, he’s been known as one of the main film critics on YouTube since around 2010. He would do reviews on the latest movies that are playing in cinemas, video analyses of certain key films, and specific videos talking about the state of cinema in general. Outside of Jeremy Jahns, he’s probably been the biggest and most influential movie reviewer on YouTube for the majority of the 2010s.
However for the past few years, Chris had been working to become a professional film director, making his feature length film debut with a project titled Shelby Oaks. In 2021, he announced on his channel that he will stop doing videos where he critiques film to take his first few steps into filmmaking and now mainly uses his channel to discuss films that he actually enjoys.
For longtime viewers, this felt like a decision that was long coming. Even before semi-retiring as a film critic, he has stated constantly that he doesn’t enjoy dogpiling on movies due to how that negative mindset has impacted the state of film criticism on the internet, so much so that he stopped doing worst movies of the years lists after 2017. That right there practically gave you a direction of where his head was at for his future on YouTube. Not to mention, making a platform out of showing love and passion for film and NOT contempt seems like the logical way to go for someone who is working to become a filmmaker. Considering we all live in a time where negativity attracts the most attention on the internet, especially in regards to entertainment, it does seems like a refreshing change of pace for someone as big as Chris Stuckmann to use his popularity to support the good side of cinema instead of always fueling fire with the bad.
However, shortly after Madame Web came out, Chris decided to make a video talking about it. It wasn’t so much about the quality of the film itself but more of what likely went on from behind the camera and the film production at Sony Pictures. And because of that, the internet didn’t react so kindly to that video.
Most were outraged at the fact that Chris didn’t make the whole video about tearing down Madame Web and swearing off everyone involved with that movie. There were those that claimed he’s only doing that to save face in case he one day gets a shot on working on a major franchise with a major studio. While I can understand an argument or two on that, the majority of the response what I’m seeing is the fact that people are angry with the fact that Chris himself didn’t do an angry rant on the movie where he’s constantly shouting and isn’t joining along with the rest of the internet to tear an obvious bad movie down a new a**hole. And what I say to that is, you all need to CHILL THE F**K OUT!
First off, never once in that video does Chris claim that he wanted to do a review on Madame Web. As I mentioned before, his main goal with his channel is to celebrate good films instead of tearing down bad films like the majority of the internet does with anything nowadays. Why in the world would he make an exception with Madame Web? Because everyone else is doing it?! Because it’s a Marvel/superhero movie?! Because it’s a female led movie?!?! What would be the point of him doing that? Doing a negative review on that is no longer in his character so why would he feel compelled to do that?!?!
Heck, he literally states at the beginning of the video that it is NOT a review of Madame Web and there’s plenty of other folks out there that have reviews for it for everyone else to read, watch, or listen to. That right there should have given you all the info you need to know that is NOT a review of Madame Web, assuming the title of the video didn’t give that away entirely.
For anyone that actually bothers to watch the entire video instead of an out of context clip on Twitter and Facebook, you would know that Chris himself just wanted to give an insight has to how the film industry operates when it comes to most of the bigger franchises IPs out there. Now that he is within the industry and likely has associates who have worked on some of these franchise IPs, he now has a bigger understanding as to how things tend to work in the film business.
The whole point of a video is to put a spotlight on corporations like Sony and how they basically have control and say over how their big films go. In that, it’s not always on the cast and crew for why a product turns out so bad, it’s on the studios and their constant micromanagement of said film. Because at the end of the day, they are the ones that greenlight a movie and have totally say onto how things should go doing production of said film. What is so wrong with stating something so INCREDIBLY obvious?
As I mentioned in my piece about Sony last month, all you have to do is look at the treatment they have been giving our favorite web swinger since 2007 to prove Chris’s points. They are the ones that wrecked Spider-Man 3 by forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to. They are the ones that drove the Amazing Spider-Man film series into the ground by over budgeting, overplanning, and not having a proper direction for that franchise. They are the ones that are making these unnecessary Spidey villain origin stories that no one is asking for. And if reports are true, they are the ones that are rushing MCU’s Spider-Man 4 to get it out by next year despite the MCU being too packed in 2025 and they likely don’t even have a finished script for it yet. Who do you think is more at fault with the results of those movies mentioned? The cast and crew of those pictures or Sony themselves? If you say Sony, then congratulations you got the point of Chris’s video!
The thing is I’m sure all of us would KILL to do a Spider-Man movie if we were given the opportunity to do so. We all have our own version of Spider-Man that we would love to share with others all over the world. However, even when you get a chance to work on one, there’s a good chance that vision will not match the studios. As I mentioned before, they are the ones that chose the direction to go and whether or not your vision is the one they want. And if they refuse, you either have to sit down, shut up, and do what they say or you would just quit entirely. This is a real world we live in and the studios won’t just hand over their massive franchises over to you and let you do what they want just because. They have to approve of everything.
In the case of Madame Web, Sony are the ones that approved the quality of that mess, not director S.J. Clarkson or writers Kerem Sanga, Claire Parker, Matt Sazama, and Burk Sharpless. Sony could have said “No!” to the movie they made and have it reworked into a better film but they didn’t. However, because the majority of people that watch said film don’t know how big movies are made, they just put the full blame on the cast and crew for the outcome of the movie they saw and NOT on the studio that greenlighted it. Because of that, it’s the creative team behind the movie that will suffer the great casualties from Madame Web and NOT Sony Pictures! Once again, this is what Chris Stuckmann was talking about!
And even if all of this has NOTHING to do with the video, why do you need ANOTHER review that’s just nonstop bashing Madame Web?! You already have hundreds to thousands other YouTubers for you to do that, as stated by Chris at the literal START OF THE VIDEO! You have mainstream critics that panned the hell out of the movie, so much so that it will likely go down as one of the worst reviewed films of 2024. You have an audience that didn’t bother to go and see it and Sony will likely lose a TON of money as a result. This is the equivalent of kicking a horse that’s already dead! Just stop! THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE!
I do want to make something clear that I am NOT against film criticism. Even in an age where we have YouTubers making overlong and tedious movie reviews that talk about how said film is “OBJECTIVELY BAD!” which is non stop nitpicking with the mindset of a CinemaSins doppelganger, I do think critical feedback is important in the hopes of more quality films in the future. However, I don’t think Chris Stuckmann contradicts that because quite simply, he is no longer the man to go to in this regard. He himself has confirmed that and everyone has to simply expect that now.
I can maybe understand if you used to watch Chris Stuckmann and weren’t aware of his more friendly turn to discussing films that you might have an initial negative reaction to this. However, for those that have known this since 2021, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? Another bad review of Madame Web isn’t going to change anything since there’s already been a million of them since the movie came out. It’s like the equivalent of picking up on the poor nerdy kid in school who has no friends and is constantly being picked on. Everyone else is doing it so that means I should do it too! If that’s the mindset everyone has in regards to this, then that just goes to show you how far proper film discourse has fallen.
The vile reaction to Chris’s video is just more proof of different times we live in now. Gone are the days where a film is loved and acclaimed by everyone with an occasional contrarian or two. Gone are the days where we can have a simple discussion and explain why a certain film just doesn’t work. Gone are the days where we can even make simple videos about how simply making a film is not as black and white as it seems. Now, it’s just going on and on about how “woke” or “anti-woke” a certain film is and whether or not it fits into one’s preferred political parties’ “agenda” or gives more ammunition in this so-called “cultural war”. It’s just stupid discourse after stupid discourse with no end in sight.
If you disagree with Chris Stuckmann’s take on what might have gone wrong behind the scenes with Madame Web, that’s fine. If you preferred when he was a film critic and had no problem with critiquing films, that is fine too. But if you are someone that is mad with the fact he is not joining along with every big name YouTuber in making Madame Web their whipping boy (or in the case of this movie, whipping girl) of the moment, then that says more about you than it does for Chris.
The funniest thing about this all is that Chris himself makes it perfectly clear that he did not enjoy Madame Web whatsoever. He might not directly say that but if you just read between the lines, it’s painfully obvious he agrees with 99.99% of the population in that Madame Web is a bad movie. The fact that people are angry at him anyway is the real master stroke on this sick cesspool we call film discourse in the year 2024!
And I am SO not prepared as to how Kung Fu Panda 4 will fare into all of this complete BS!
Come to think about it, perhaps that’s why DreamWorks hasn’t bothered to properly market that movie. Even they know that if too many people are aware of its existence, then Po’s next movie will too will get needlessly dragged or roped into this pointless war surrounding entertainment. Po is innocent and deserves so much better than what grifters or the “woke” crowd are gonna force him into by next week.
If only Roger Ebert was still around. He would find a way to stop all of this nonsense!
This Valentine’s Day saw the release of Madame Web, the newest comic book movie which despite being based off of a Marvel Comic character, was developed STRICTLY by Sony (I bring that up because there are surprisingly a large amount of people in the world that don’t realized this was NOT a movie made by Marvel Studios themselves). And just like with Sony’s previous attempt at doing a villain origin story that no one asked for in Morbius, Madame Web has been an absolute critical and (likely) commercial disaster. It’s immediately been regarded as one of the worst comic book movies ever made and will definitely being topping PLENTY of worst movies of the year list come December. And unlike that other trainwreck of a villain origin story that came out two years ago that I just mentioned, I don’t think the memes are going to be enough to save Madame Web‘s reputation, even if I did somewhat try to do so in my spoof review of it.
As if Madame Web is not enough of a lackluster superhero flick to come out this year from Sony, we also have Kraven the Hunter and Venom 3 slated to release later on this year. And if the track record of the last few villain led movies from Sony is anything to go by, I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out just as bad if not worse. And with the recent funk that most comic book movies are in now, the last thing the sub-genre needs is not one, not two, but THREE terrible comic book movies to come out in the exact same year with the Marvel logo. And as I said at the beginning of the review, even though Marvel Studios are NOT the ones that are making these movies, there is actually a good portion of the population that believe otherwise and could potentially affect upcoming MCU installments such as Deadpool & Wolverine coming out in July.
Of course, the big question everyone is asking is why does Sony continue to make these movies that not only nobody is demanding for but I don’t think even they themselves want to make? Well, it’s basically a similar situation to what led to The Amazing Spider-Man duology being created, to keep the full film rights away from Marvel. Which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing if that sense of obligation wasn’t felt when watching these movies but even if you have the biggest rose-colored glasses on, it’s near impossible to separate the studio politics when sitting through disasters such as The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Venom, Morbius, and Madame Web.
All of this and more is why I strongly believe that it’s time for Sony to return all film rights back to Marvel Studios. Not just the television rights they were forced to fork over when Disney bought Marvel but also the film rights and possibly any other rights to the character of Spider-Man. This isn’t strictly because of recent events with Madame Web but because of the poor treatment that the company has given the character for the past 15 plus years. If you don’t believe me, let’s take a trip down memory lane and go into why certain Spider-Man-related properties have suffered in quality because of Sony.
The first thing I’m sure plenty will point to has to why Sony should still be the father of Spider-Man is the success of the trilogy with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire. The superhero trilogy that was arguably the most successful series of superhero movies until the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy came along. Yes, Spider-Man (2002) is notable for starting the 21st century dominance of superhero movies. Yes, Spider-Man 2 is still considered to be one of the greatest superhero movies ever made! However, what about Spider-Man 3, which in the day before memes, was considered to be one of the biggest letdowns in not just superhero movie history but possibly film history in general. Well, that’s where Sony comes in.
The main reason that Spider-Man 3 turned out to be the mess that it did was due to Sony forcing Sam Raimi to include Venom and other notable characters such as Gwen and Captain Stacy strictly because they were fan favorites throughout the webhead’s history. Raimi initially wanted to tackle the Vulture with Sandman and Harry as the new Goblin along with them but because the demands from the higher ups at Sony, most notably infamous producer Avi Arad, those plans were abandoned and he had to give up Vulture for Venom. Never mind the fact that Venom is basically a two-movie arc at best and the Stacys were never even hinted at existence in the previous movies of the Raimiverse. They were here because it’s what the fans want according to Sony. Instead of being patient and saving those potential storylines for a future sequel, Spider-Man 3 tried to please everyone and their mother at the same time with introducing so many different characters and plotlines that it was just a mess. Sure, some might enjoy that movie more than others (such as yours truly), but I think most people will agree that the movie would have been much better if one side just let one side do the movie they wanted instead of just trying to appease both sides at the same time.
Despite the negative reviews for Spider-Man 3, the strong box office numbers did encourage plans for a fourth installment. Sam Raimi was set to return as director along with Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst in their lead roles as Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson respectively. Raimi had stated many times he was not happy with the end results of Spider-Man 3 and wanted Spider-Man 4 to be the needed return to form and the very best one yet. Spider-Man 4 was planned to include Vulture, the villain initially wanted for Spider-Man 3, along with Black Cat. However, he went through many different scripts and revisions and disliked every single one of them. Then came January 2010, which the film was set to begin filming soon to make for a planned May 2011 release date. However, Raimi was still not satisfied with the script and asked Sony for more time on it. Sony refused and because of that, Raimi stepped down from the project and Spider-Man 4 was officially cancelled. Despite the fact that Sony could have afford to give Raimi one more year because they needed a Spider-Man film out by 2012 to keep the rights to the character and NOT by 2011, they let him go and decided it was time for a full reboot.
Strike one!
The 2012 reboot turned out to be The Amazing Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb and starred Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy. It was approached by Sony as a darker, lower-scaled reboot compared to the Sam Raimi trilogy, containing a larger focus on the teen drama/high-school dynamic aspects of the character. Despite getting solid reviews at the time of it’s release and was able to make 758 million dollars worldwide, it was not the notable success that Sony had wanted, most likely due to the film’s budget of 200 to 230 million dollars. Many believed that was largely due to having a good chunk of scenes that were notably cut out of the feature film, which includes about over half an hour of deleted scenes.
When it came to figuring out where to go next with the series after the first film, The Avengers had come out and it was a global smash worldwide, making it one of the most financially successful films of all time. Because of that, Sony decided that it would be best for them to try to create a cinematic universe of their own within the universe of The Amazing Spider-Man series. Of course, an Amazing Spider-Man 2 and 3 were greenlight but also were a 4th film, a Sinister Six spin-off, a Venom movie, a Black Cat and Silver Sable movie, and even an Aunt May movie (No, I’m not joking!). With such high plans being put in motion, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 had to be a success both commercially and financially.
Two years later, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out and it could have not gotten worse for Sony if they tried. Not only was it received with much worse reviews than the first one but it also made even less money than the first film, making barely above 700 million dollars worldwide. While making 700 million dollars should been seen as a success, it was not in the eyes of Sony, most notably because they promised their investors that the film would make at least a billion dollars.
If you look at what went wrong from behind the scenes, it’s easy to see why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 turned out the way they did. It was a movie that drew everything but the kitchen sink at it with so many different characters, subplots, and set ups for future films. There was even several deleted scenes that hinted at even more characters and subplots such as Mary Jane Watson played by Shailene Woodley, Felicia Hardy as Black Cat, Norman Osborn alive as a frozen head, and even Peter meeting his not-actually-dead father in person. It was a directional mess where no one in involved either had any idea with what they were doing or just didn’t care in general.
Because of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 underperforming, Sony didn’t know what to do next. It’s then that they were approached by Marvel Studios who wanted to include Spider-Man in one of their upcoming films, Captain America: Civil War. When giving the offer, Sony decided to give up on trying to make their own cinematic universe of Spidey and formed a partnership with Marvel Studios, which would once again reboot the character with a different actor that would be Tom Holland. If you are keeping track at home, that is now TWO different iterations of Spider-Man that Sony wrecked due to their own incompetence and constant interference of the productions of these films.
Strike two!
While everyone has their own opinion of the MCU version of Spider-Man, I think most folks would agree that teaming up with Marvel and giving up on their Amazing Spider-Man universe was the right call for Sony. This led to Spider-Man being feature in three different films of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Spider-Man: Far From Home, and Spider-Man: No Way Home, the latter of which is one of the highest grossing films ever, along with notable appearances in the team-up Avengers movies such as Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War, and Avengers: Endgame. However, that didn’t necessarily stop Sony from trying to make Spider-Man related movies of their own.
Believe it or not, Sony actually committed to making at least one of the spin-off movies they were planning with The Amazing Spider-Man universe, which would turn out to be Venom released in 2018. And believe it or not, despite the bad reviews, it was a massive hit for mainstream audiences, grossing over 850 million dollars worldwide. It was the success of that film that motivated for Sony to do another try at their own cinematic universe but this time putting the spotlight on villains from Spider-Man’s rose gallery.
We got Venom: Let There Be Carnage in 2021 which was a decent hit at around 506 million dollars worldwide but definitely not as much as the first one made, then came Morbius which despite it being the most meme-worthy movie ever, got awful reviews and was a big bomb at the box office (even after it got re-released in theaters again due to the memes), and now there’s Madame Web which is set to do just as bad if not worse than Morbius, both critically and commercially. Now, that makes for three different iterations of Spider-Man related properties that Sony either screw up big time or drove it into the ground.
Strike three and you are out!
It’s also worth mentioning about the brief fallout between Sony and Marvel that happened right after Far From Home came out, which almost made No Way Home not happen in it’s current form. It was believed it was largely to do with Sony and Disney having differences on the amount of profit for upcoming Spider-Man films set within the MCU. It’s also believed that Sony was about to take back the character of Spider-Man himself until Tom Holland called up Bob Iger while drunk, pleading for him and Marvel to work out a deal with Sony to keep Spider-Man in the MCU. It’s unknown whether it’s Sony or Marvel that’s the true bad guy here, the fact that Sony almost lost ANOTHER version of Spider-Man would not have been a good sign on their part.
When you really get back onto to the major problems with Spider-Man medium since 2007, all of that can be traced back to Sony. From forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to in Spider-Man 3, to micromanaging the hell out of The Amazing Spider-Man movies with no real road map or goal in mind, to constantly making these pointless villain origin stories in the hopes it would connect to some version of Spider-Man later on down the road, Sony has had a real problem with the web head for quite a period of time. Sure, we have had Spider-Man (2002), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, and the Marvel’s Spider-Man video game series but all of those were clearly done in SPITE of Sony and not because of them.
And even if you want to include those mediums I just mentioned, I could also talk about how Sony basically rushed Insomniac to get Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 out by 2023 when they wanted to push it back to this year to add more polish and features to the game, which likely cost the GOTY awards for that game. Or about how Phil Lord and Chris Miller had to constantly rewrite the script for Across the Spider-Verse due to Sony’s constant interference on the production. Or how they are now butting heads with Marvel Studios for Spider-Man 4 because they would rather chase the success train of No Way Home by doing another multiverse movie instead of taking things down to the street-fighting levels that most fans want and build to another one later on down the road. If anything, the fact that any of those things turned out to be any good at all is simply a miracle.
And with the release of Madame Web that is set to crash and bomb at the box office, I think it’s time more than ever for Sony to give up all of their rights to Spider-Man and return them to Marvel. Aside from Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, Marvel’s Spider-Man 3 game, and MCU’s Spider-Man 4, there is nothing they have coming up that looks even remotely promising under their control, just with the partnership with other studios. Kraven the Hunter looks like another generic by-the-numbers villain origin film, Venom 3 will likely inherit the same problems of it’s predecessors and rely strictly on Tom Hardy’s star power to save the day, and who knows if those reported Miles Morales film, Spider-Women Spider-Verse film, and that Silk series will ever see the light of day. These all could be promising projects but I trust Sony to handle them well about as far as I can throw them.
Say what you will about the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but you can’t seriously tell me that they would do any worse with the full Spider-Man property than what Sony is doing right now with their villain-led cinematic universe. There’s no sign of passion or love from any off these movies coming from the cast and crew, only obligation and corporation. Just look at the press tour of Madame Web and how it’s cast and crew is openly throwing shade at the movie which they are a part off. I think even they know they made a mistake signing up because of Sony likely promising them something they never really meant.
Have there been great content under Sony’s license of Spider-Man? Absolutely! But with the current situation going on between them, Marvel, and the state of superhero movies in general, they can no longer be trusted with handling Spider-Man. They have have countless time to prove they can do Spider-Man related stories without Marvel or anyone else but they have failed spectacularly. The fact that they didn’t greenlight an Amazing Spider-Man 3 with Andrew Garfield and/or a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey Maguire after No Way Home but instead greenlighted Madame Webb and Kraven the Hunter is really all you need to know about the way they run things over there. Even they don’t know what they want for Spider-Man anymore.
Because of all that I’ve just mentioned and more, I think I speak for a large majority of Spider-Man fans out there by saying that it’s time for Spider-Man to come fully home to Marvel at long last.
Here we go again, ladies and gentlemen! Time for another installment in the HOTTEST cinematic universe going on at the movie, the S(cam)ony Villain Cinematic Universe! It started off with a BANG with the turd in the wind that was Venom, followed with Venom: Let There Be Carnage which lived up to the promise of the post credits where Woody Harrleson said, “When I get out of here and I will, there’s gonna be CARNAGE!!!!“, and then came Morbius which offered one absolutely MORBIN TIME that had audiences stand and cheer in the theaters all around the world. Finally, we have Madame Web and as it’s title suggests, it’s the ultimate MADAME WEBBING EXPEREINCE!
Sure, the plot itself might be relatively non-existent, relying on the most unlikely coincidences, multiple continuity errors, bizarre contrivances, and absolute defiance of actual logic imaginable. Sure, it might contain some of the sloppiest and incoherent editing that you will likely see all year. Sure, the action might be very poor, with a climax that is so tense that you can’t even see what the f*ck is happening onscreen. Sure, it has a talented cast that could not look more embarrassed to be there and have been crapping all over this movie throughout their entire press tour. Sure, it feels like a superhero movie that came out in 2003 (which is the actual year which this movie is set in). And sure, the biggest line of the trailer, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died,” isn’t even in the damn movie at all. However, there is no other movie out there that is will give you a more MADAME WEBBING experience than this MADAME WEBBING masterwork!
I would go into the plot itself but considering the fact that it’s basically the plot of every Final Destination movie every and about every “chase” movie imaginable, it’s relatively pointless too. However, the big important thing here is the way that Madame Web MASTERFULLY ties into Sony’s Cinematic Universe. First off, it answers the two BIGGEST questions that EVERYONE has always had about Spider-Man! 1.) What was Uncle Ben doing in his years as a hot paramedic? and 2.) What happened the night that Peter Parker’s mother Mary, gave birth to him? I know that I was always wanting the answer to those questions and thankfully, the film answers that in a way that is so dumb that it’s secretly brilliant. The LAYERS this film has are just something else!
We of course have to get into the four leading women carrying the picture! They could not have had more perfect chemistry if they even tried. Even though the ways they are connected with each other is probably some of the biggest coincidences I’ve ever seen in an motion picture with relationship dynamics that make little to no sense (Mattie is angry as Anya for literally no reason throughout the entire movie!), it’s something so refreshing to see so many women leading a superhero flick! Sure, The Marvels was….okay I guess but Madame Web is really how a female-lead superhero film is suppose to be! You just let them work out their girl powers (No pun intended!) and let them kick ass in ways that are incoherent and hard to follow on screen. And unlike The Marvels which was a huge bomb, Madame Web is for sure set to make MADAME WEBBING DOLLARS!
And unlike say that woke Suicide Squad game that made me not want to wank off to Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman, Madame Web actually lets the ladies show off a little screen. With their nice hair, skin tight outfits, and absurd amount of make up that makes them look like models (despite them all suppose to be teenage girls that are really played by girls in their 20s), this is definitely a female-led movie that’s made for guys. After all, women in superhero media aren’t suppose to be their own fleshed out characters who have their own goals, personalities, and superpowers, they only exist to be in interest of men and men alone. Let women have Barbie! Way to know your audience, Sony!
Of course, this is all Dakota Johnson’s movie as it’s suppose to be considering well..it is a Madame Web movie that tells the origin story of Madame Web. I will warn you though, it’s an INCREDIBLY slow burn where nothing much happens and you’ll likely find yourself as half awake that Dakota Johnson looks in the entire movie. You get every single detail about Cassie Webb in her early days as a hot paramedic, right down to spending time with her cat and how she absurdly got her powers. Although, it doesn’t revolve around the Amazon with her mom when she was researching spiders right before she died, it does take it’s time to show off the same superpower over and over and over again because the writers can’t seem to think of any other clever way to show off her powers. It does require your patience but I promise you the whole ten seconds of her in that ICONIC red suit at the VERY end of the movie is all worth it.
And speaking of which, this movie does SUCH a good job as fleshing out these female characters that you don’t even notice that they aren’t even in their Spider-Women costumes for 99.999999% of the movie. From my estimate, the ladies have about as much screentime in their superHERoine outfits as Taylor Swift did in the Super Bowl, which was a mere 54 seconds btw. Even though the whole purpose of a superHERoine origin story is seeing them turn into a superHERoine at least by the half way point, this cleverly keeps it as minimum as possible, leaving the audience want more from the future. After all, as the good old saying goes, LESS is MORE! And you could have not done MORE with LESS than with this movie.
A big credit has to go to writing duo of Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless. Coming high off their MORBIN masterpiece that was Morbius, they somehow are able to top themselves here! They manage to come up with a script that feels like the most sloppy first copy of a draft imaginable, almost like the equivalent of writing things on the fly, and have it feel as disjointed of a film that I’ve ever seen. It’s GENIUS writing if I’ve ever seen one! This is the kind of duo that should be an inspiration to screenwriters everywhere! Because now you know you can have a script that has no coherent storyline or consistent character motivations in order to get a movie made!
We also have to get credit to S.J. Clarkson, making her directional film debut. Sure, she might have directed some okay episodes of Jessica Jones and The Defenders but she REALLY brought her A-game here. That might have to do with the fact that the film at large feels like a two-hour pilot for a television series that will likely NEVER see the light of day. With the way the low 80 million dollar budget is painfully on screen, how it has so many forced tie-ins at such a brisk pace, and how by the end, it leaves plenty of plot elements up in the air for future entries to continue upon, she could not have been a better choice for Sony. She was able to make a film that stood strictly on it’s own that it didn’t even need a post credit scene to justify it’s existence. Take notes, Disney and Marvel!
The cinematography is stunning with so much visual imagery that dives deeply into Cassie’s self conscious and her powers, the editing feels incredibly ADHD and feels more like it was edited by folks who do trailers rather than movies, the action is all over the place and sloppy like it’s main characters are, and the score is so one note you could swear that Johan Söderqvist was half awake the entire time composing it. And unlike other superhero flicks, it actually spares most of the CGI and saves it for it’s intense climax, with effects that look about as fake and green screen than any movie that I’ve seen in quite some time. An absolute A effort for everyone involved.
In conclusion, Madame Web truly lives up to it’s title and makes for a Madame Webbing time at the theaters. It’s so astonishing that it leaves me anxious to see where this ill-fated and not thought out at all cinematic universe is going. More importantly, which Spider-Man universe is this suppose to connect in? It was suppose to be Andrew Garfield but no one liked that whiny brat in the Amazing Spider-Man movies so pass. It was suppose to be Tom Holland until Sony realized that would make NO logical sense for this to take place in the MCU, so much so that they had to rewrite the entire script while shooting. And with the way Peter Parker is born in this movie, it leaves the room for ANOTHER Spider-Man to join this universe in the future.
Even so, we got Kick-Ass/the inferior Quicksilver coming up as Kraven the Hunter in August and Bane/Mad Max in Venom 3 coming out in October. There’s PLENTY of content we have left to get through before the inevitable Sinister Six movie happens and Sony makes up their mind on whatever Spider-Man they want to join this universe. With this cinematic universe clearly not slowing down any time soon, I think Marvel Studios and DC should be taking notes here. This is how you do a cinematic universe!
Madame Webbing Web made for one Madame Webbing time and I can’t wait to see this film madame webbing again.
This is an easy four out of stars for me! Move over Dune Part II and Deadpool III, THIS is the movie of 2024!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Especially you, Sony! Keep up the madame webbing work!
Thanks for checking out my review! I sure hope it was as sloppy and all over the place as this entire film was!
Real thoughts:
This movie is undoubtedly the most fascinating mess of a movie that I’ve seen in quite some time, feeling more like a POC than an actual feature film. It’s certainly more competently made than say….Morbius but it feels as ever bit as much of an obligation to make as that. I might have to make a piece on this soon but after Beyond the Spider-Verse, Sony really needs to give the film rights of Spider-Man back to Marvel. These villain movies are becoming more and more nonsensical by the day. It’s clear that audiences don’t want to see them as much as Sony doesn’t want to make them! So, stop doing it, please!
Maybe a one and a half out of four stars if I’m being generous.
Probably will change it to one out of four stars once I sleep on it though!
Last week, it was reported that Insomniac Games, the studio responsible for some of the most well- received triple AAA Sony exclusives in recent memory such as Marvel’s Spider-Man series and Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart, got hacked by a unknown ransomware gang called Rhysida. The hackers behind Rhysida claimed to have accessed to massive amounts of info regarding Insomniac Games’ future projects and threatened to release all of it to the public, unless a ransom of two million dollars was paid in one week. I’m willing to bet that Insomniac didn’t meet that offer because it was then reported yesterday, just mere minutes after the supposed ransom deadline expired, there were numerous of files from Insomniac Games that leaked out everywhere all over the internet.
These leaks could each of the following:
Massive amount of info regarding one of Insomniac Games’ upcoming installments in Marvel’s Wolverine. These include concept art, cast leaks, gameplay footage, and the entire plot of the game!
Insomniac’s entire slate of games they have planned and their intended release dates up until the year of 2030. These include games that were already announced to be in development such as Marvel’s Spider-Man 3 and Wolverine along with a couple of titles that were not confirmed yet with a clear desire to reveal them later on down the road. I won’t say though what those titles are here but the road map of their upcoming games are all out in the open.
Personal info regarding many of the employees that work for Insomniac. These include possible phone numbers, email accounts, home locations, and direct names of folks who work at the company. This indicates that a fair amount of doxing has taken place. Pray to god for the safety of all of those that work at Insomniac Games!
More than 1 TB of internal data leaked, estimating about 1.3 million files total. These involve just about everything that I have just mentioned and even more.
While I can’t give 100% confirmation just yet but this may legit be the biggest hacking scandal in regards to video games in a very long time! Not even the hacks of Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto VI or the recent plot leak of Rocksteady’s Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League could compare to this! At least that was just one game that didn’t include data about anyone’s email account or the company’s future plans for the next decade. This hacking scandal on the other hand is comparable to that of when Sony Pictures got hacked back in late 2014 (which also ties back to Sony given their current partnership with Insomniac Games). Just about every bit of juicy info that can make for as much clickbait-y headlines in articles as humanly possible! It’s all messed up!
You might think this article might be going over every single detail and game that got leaked but I rather not do that. Not just because if I did that, then I would literally be here all day because of how much stuff got released but out of respect to those at Insomniac Games. Not a single person working there deserve this level of hacking and doxing at any kind! This is a company that has been one of the most consistently reliable gaming studios out there at delivering huge quality games that gives players their full money’s worth! To have all this info that has been revealed of what goes on from behind the scenes is incredibly disrespectful and quite frankly, dangerous! Even if you are someone that don’t care for their games, you would be genuinely heartless to claim that anyone working at Insomniac deserves this kind of treatment!
Hacking has been more prevalent than ever before! With how so much folks spent their time on the internet nowadays to the advancement of technology to the emergence of A.I., there are now over numerous ways to hack into things, particularly in regards to big companies such as Insomniac Games. Whether it’s to force out leaks to upcoming titles to build up anticipation or just to be a dick, it’s much easier to hack than it was in the early days of the internet. Of course, this is not just for gaming as it goes for just about everything involving entertainment and politics but in recent memory, it’s mostly been the gaming industry that has been affected by this.
It just makes you wonder how Insomniac themselves will respond to this scandal! Of course, you pray for the safety and stability of everyone that works there in the hopes that this does NOT lead to any harm of any kind to come to them or their loved ones! Once that is taken into consideration and is dealt with, how will this impact the releases of their upcoming games? Will they push Wolverine back even further to change elements of the story since the entire plot as been leaked? Will they actually commit to an open-world *bleep* game now that cat is out of the bag? Will any of the other previously unconfirmed games be in the works anymore? Those are questions that everyone has got to be asking themselves right now and hopefully will be answered in the best way possible by Insomniac.
If you desire to seek out all the information that got leaked by hackers for the planned future at Insomniac Games, I’m not going to stop you. I understand being tempted to see what’s going on from behind the scenes since there are now plenty of info out there that will give you just that. Even I’m tempting to do so! But, just know when you are looking through all of those leaks is that NONE of this is what Insomniac had in mind! They clearly wanted to give out info about their upcoming entries of their gaming library whenever they felt the desire to and when they felt the most eager to give their fans a taste of what’s to come. They wanted to give out all of this info when they felt the most confident and the most good and ready to do so! This was all clearly not the moment of time that Insomniac was aiming for and that’s just messed up!
I can only hope that those from Rhysida that took place in this awful action that they are jailed and fined in the harshest way possible! I’m talking decades behind bars and fines that they won’t be properly paid off even after they die! They took private information from all those great folks at Insomniac Games and let the whole world see it! That is cruel, distasteful, and absolutely f*cked up! I wouldn’t wish that kind of action on my worst enemy! I can only hope this will not lead to any harm to any employee at Insomniac Games or potential firings of any of the staff! They all deserve better than this!
To the great folks of Insomniac Games, I’m so sorry all of you have to put up with this crap! You are perhaps my favorite gaming studio working today, delivering some of my favorite gaming experiences of the past several years! Speaking as a die hard fan, you all deserve much better than this! I can not stress that enough! Good luck getting through all of this and I eagerly await to see what you guys and girls have in store for the future!
If there is one medium that was able to shine quite a bright light in the world of cinema, that would be animation. 2023 was an absolutely phenomenal year for animation! Regardless of what your favorite animation studio consists of, you were likely satisfied with at least one of their works in 2023. This is the first time in a while that whenever I hear someone say what their favorite animated film of the year is, I would have a legit hard time arguing with them. I could see almost any reason for any of the films I have on this list being someone’s absolute favorite of the year. If there comes a time where it’s time for cinema to quit underestimating the power of animation, that would be now!
To celebrate all the magnificent achievements in cinematic animation this year, I decided to go over my nine favorite animated motion pictures of the year! Regardless, these are nine animated films that are worth checking out if you haven’t already!
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
Acting as the highest grossing animated film of 2023, The Super Mario Bros. Movie is the one video game movie that feels like it was 100% ripped straight from the games in terms of it’s animation, style, world building, and amount of fan service throughout. It even works quite well as a simple story of a complete zero turning into a complete hero along with the importance of brotherhood. It’s just so much fun seeing characters such as Mario, Princess Peach, Donkey Kong, and Toad kicking butt together on the big screen for the first time ever. Not even the common tropes from Illumination Animation that brought down their prior movies such as an obvious celebrity heavy voice cast and awkwardly inserted song tracks are able to bring this one down, which likely has to do with Nintendo’s influence. I don’t know how I would feel about this movie if I wasn’t a Mario but since I am, I couldn’t help but be very satisfied with this movie.
Suzume
Makoto Shinkai was at it again in 2023 with Suzume and once again he was able to deliver big time! This is a gorgeous and beautiful film where Shinkai once again lets his imagination and ambitions run wild in the form of animation, proving once again why he is once of the best animation folks in the business and why animation is in fact real cinema. Suzume acts wonderfully as a touching coming-of-age tale along with a strong mediation on grief and dealing with loss, with a strong emotional core as it’s center with it’s lead character of Suzume herself. If you are a die hard fan of Makoto Shinkai, then I can’t think of a reason that you will not love this movie. Even if you are not a fan at all, give this one a shot and you might be surprise how much this will engage and move you.
Elemental
Perhaps it has to with personal life experiences throughout 2023 for me but I most certainly believe that Elemental will stand the test of time as being an absolute gem of Pixar’s library. Maybe not the very best but definitely one that plenty will find to be another worthy addition to their library. It’s looks gorgeous, it’s very charming, the characters are engaging, the music is beautiful, and even the similar themes it tackles are done very well and might even stand out greater than other Disney and Pixar films that have done it to some people. I’m sure glad this film was able to have strong legs at the box office as this might be an encouraging sign for Pixar’s future in movie theaters. I might have not enjoyed The Good Dinosaur but director Peter Sohn was able to win me over in Round Two with Elemental. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I highly recommend it.
Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken
Here’s a movie that Universal basically left to die! With little to no marketing and only given a 17-day theatrical window before it made it’s way to VOD, Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken was a movie that was very easy to miss because it looks as though the studios were wanting you to do exactly that. Which is a shame because judging the film on it’s own merits, it’s actually pretty good all things considered. The animation is bright and colorful, the characters are all likeable, and even if the story feels like a more diet version of Luca and Turning Red, it still works completely well as it’s own thing that it doesn’t hurt the enjoyment. It’s far from the best movie on this list or of Dreamworks library but if you were one of those that dismiss this film or were unaware of it’s existence, I’d say check it out and I think you’ll have a decent time with it.
Nimona
Disney’s trash turned out to be Netflix’s treasure with this animated fantasy adventure in Nimona. A movie made for kids that pulls no punches and will likely find a bigger audience with teens and young adults due to the film’s own subject matter and mature themes that come to play. It’s beautifully animated, incredibly engaging, has messages and representation that feels genuine, stellar voice work from Chloe Grace Moretz and Eugene Lee Yang, and Nimona herself is one of the most generally lovable protagonists in recent memory, managing to being the right kind of an “obnoxious” character. If this truly is Blue Sky Studio’s last film they ever do, not only is it grateful that they got to see their final work in a complete form but they were able to save their best film for last in the form of Nimona! Disney will certainly regret letting this film get away from them!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
Of all the feature films that have we have gotten so far involving the TMNT brand, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem is probably the very best one since the 1990 original. The animation is top notch, learning the “right” lessons from Into the Spider-Verse, the characters are all well-utilized, defined, and bounce off each other perfectly, the story feels fresh yet faithful to the turtles themselves, the score is absolutely killer, the action is a lot of fun to sit through, and it’s able to exist in it’s own sandbox as being the kind of thing that can stand proudly on it’s own along with being among the best of what the Ninja Turtles have offered throughout their history. While I won’t go as far to say that it’s a perfect film in it’s own rights, it’s certainly a perfect TMNT film and one that will likely be the one to get a new generation into this successful running franchise. And if the next film and the new 2D series that’s in the works is as good as Mutant Mayhem, then this next wave of Ninja Turtles fans will have plenty to be spoiled by!
The Boy and the Heron
Perhaps the biggest animated film at the moment, The Boy and the Heron is another winner from the creative minds at Studio Ghibli. This makes for easily one of the best English dub anime flicks in recent memory, with the entire cast of Robert Pattinson, Mark Hamill, Gemma Chan, and Dave Bautista giving very strong vocal performances. Hayao Miyazaki succeeds once again in telling story that feels as witty as it is tragic, knowing how to balance both distinct tones and making it’s core set of characters feel more human than you could imagine. It’s not my absolute favorite from Miyazaki, with some issues in terms of pacing and certain story beats, but The Boy and the Heron is definitely worth your time and should be seen in a theater. Between this and the previously mentioned Suzume, it’s nice to see more animated films made outside of America getting the recognition that they deserve.
Merry Little Batman
What’s this? A new Batman animated film that takes place on Christmas and puts the spotlight on Batman’s own son in Damian Wayne? You bet and believe it or not, it works quite well. Nothing to get you in the holiday spirit in Gotham then a fun knock-off of Home Alone, where Damian has to learn at such a young age to become the Batman his father always wanted for him. It’s also neat to get a glimpse at a Bruce Wayne that is more happy and a Gotham City that isn’t as corrupt as before, giving the sense that Bruce had accomplished his destiny as Batman. And I don’t think the Joker has been this much fun in AGES! I’m not too crazy on the designs for most of the characters and you can definitely tell this was cater to young children, but for what it’s worth, Merry Little Batman is a cute, enjoyable superhero Christmas special that will likely put you in a good jolly mood the whole way through. It’s sure nice that this and eventually Coyote vs. Acme were able to escape the clutches of the evil Warner Bros and get released. Take that, David Zaslav!
And my pick for the best animated film of 2023 goes to…..
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
To be honest, did you really think it was going to be anything else? Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse shows that the Spider-Verse could in fact make lightning strike twice. Everyone involved with the making of this movie wanted to take everything to the next level without holding anything back and they are able to exceed greatly with a sequel that manages to be as good as Into the Spider-Verse and in some ways, even better. The animation might be the very best I’ve ever seen in any film, the entire cast is perfect with everyone feeling like they are absolutely in LOVE with their roles, Miles and Gwen are some of the most interesting, engaging, and layered protagonists in any comic book film, the themes and morals of the story still resonate and fits the core elements of Spider-Man perfectly, and there’s plenty of well earned fan service throughout that never gets in the way of the main central storyline. While it does end on an obvious cliffhanger, it will no doubt make anyone excited to see how they will wrap up the story in the third and final installment. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is the best animated film of the year and one of the very best films of the year, period! Bring on Beyond the Spider-Verse
Also, to Phil Lord, Chris Miller, and the those at Sony Animation, PLEASE treat your animators right this time! Don’t put them through hell like you did with Across the Spider-Verse! We all can wait and be patience if it has to take a few more years for the next film to come out! Let’s not encourage crunch culture any longer and make sure the animators are treated with respect next time around! Please and thank you!
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