Tag: movies

Kung Fu Panda (2008) Retrospective- Redefining The Chosen One

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If there is one movie out there that is basically the textbook definition of “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover!”, that would be Kung Fu Panda. On paper, this sounds like the dumbest idea ever. A big fat panda voiced by Jack Black learning Kung Fu?! That feels like an idea that came from the same person that thought The Emoji Movie would be a great hit! And that’s not even going to the overall marketing and trailers for this movie, which played the movie as being nothing more than a water down slapstick comedy aimed for toddlers. However, once the movie came out during the summer of 2008, we all could not have been wrong about Kung Fu Panda.

I believe it’s safe to say that Kung Fu Panda has been far in a way Dreamwork’s most surprising franchise to date. Heck, with the exception of Shrek and How To Train Your Dragon, you could argue Kung Fu Panda is their best and most consistent franchise to date. This was a series of films that most folks didn’t think could hold it’s own standalone film, let alone a franchise, with a premise that sounded like the stupidest idea imaginable. However, not only is Kung Fu Panda is able to work despite it’s silly premise, it’s able to work BECAUSE of it.

It’s able to use that “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” mindset that not only acts what most folks thought of Kung Fu Panda when watching it but use that as the central theme throughout the film. And it’s that theme that makes for the perfect way to tell the story of the main character of Po, the titled panda that learns kung fu. A story that is yet again another chosen one narrative with the main character having to go through the typical hero’s journey but is able to use it’s admittedly absurd premise to find a completely fresh and unique way to tell it. It’s that exact reason and much more that makes Kung Fu Panda the right movie to talk about when it comes to films that is successfully able to redefine the typical chosen one narrative.

When we first meet Po, he seems like the last person that is worthy of being the chosen one, or as the movie refers to it as The Dragon Warrior. Sure, he is shown to be a massive fanboy of kung fu, with him having dreams of becoming the ultimate dragon warrior and owning his own action figures of the entire Furious Five group, but he comes off as an absolute clumsy oaf who don’t seem to take anything seriously. However, despite having a straight forward future with running a noodle shop with his TOTALLY not adapted father Mr. Ping, his heart doesn’t seem to eagerly awaiting for that kind of future. He’s awaiting for that special opportunity to fight alongside the Furious Five. He’s awaiting to become a kung fu warrior. It’s then the day that Po has been waiting for arrives, the day that known kung fu legend Master Oogway announces who The Dragon Warrior is.

After a handful of hilariously comedy bits in seeing how Po tries to enter a closed palace for the ceremony along with admitting to his father that noodles aren’t really his thing, we see Oogway choosing the Dragon Warrior. And that Dragon Warrior turned out to be no one other than Po himself. Not Tigress, not any member of the Furious Five, and not even a tall and muscular man! The Dragon Warrior is a fat panda named Po.

That moment is not only Oogway choosing the fate of kung fu in the valley of peace set in China but the fate of the actual movie in general. He is basically counting on the most unlikely person imaginable for the job. He is counting on the titled panda character voiced by Jack Black to carry the entire picture and make Po’s heroic journey feel earned. It may seem unimaginable but Oogway has fate in himself, his students, and most importantly, the audience to be alongside Po’s quest to become the Dragon Warrior by any means necessary.

Shifu is the one kung fu master that has to train Po to become the Dragon Warrior, as he had trained the Furious Five. His goal is to teach the panda kung fu and have him become good enough to not only defeat the sinister Tai Lung, Shifu’s fallen apprentice that has escaped from prison with a massive grudge against his former master, but also to claim the dragon scroll, which is believed to have the secrets to limitless power of kung fu. However, as you would expect for as someone that is as bumbling and clumsy as Po looks, it does not start off well at all.

Po’s early days of training are nothing short of disaster. Fallen short of every possible training lesson, session, and technique needed to master any sort of kung fu, Po had lived up to his first impressions of being the worst possible person for the job of the Dragon Warrior. Due to that, every one around him seems to think that Oogway made a mistake picking Po. Shifu believes it, the Furious Five believes it, and worst of all, Po himself believes it as well. The only person that does NOT believe Oogway was wrong is well…Oogway himself.

After receiving word of Tai Lung escaping from prison, Shifu realizes that their days may be numbered before evil strikes the heart of the valley of peace. Matters are made even more complicated when Oogway’s time has come and dies of old age at the Sacred Peach Tree, blown away by wind and pink petals. Even though Shifu has done everything in his power to get rid of Po, he now knows he has no choice but to do everything in his power to train Po and become the ultimate Kung Fu master.

Before he is able to do that, Po tries to run away from the responsibility after coming to the realization that he is the only one that can stop Tai Lung. We then have a great moment between Shifu and Po when the former asks the latter why he didn’t quit when everyone was trying to get rid of him. Po claims that despite all of the constant failing and insults from Shifu and the gang, he powered through with it because he figured that if there was anyone that can change himself from being just a big fat panda to a noble warrior, it was Shifu. This right there is a major defining moment of the movie.

This is when the movie has it’s main character basically questioning it’s own premise and overall existence. There is no way a big fat panda can be the one to be the hero that saves the day, it has to be someone way more than him. Po doesn’t want to be that anymore because that’s not what is normally defined as being a hero. No matter how good he can be at kung fu, Po will always be that big fat panda in his overall appearance and nothing can change that. Nothing except for possibly the dragon scroll.

With Shifu figuring out that the only way to motivated Po to be the best Kung Fu warrior imaginable is with food, he takes unconventional measures to train Po, measures that he could never have done with the Furious Five. Because of that, Po is able to succeed and have now learn how to properly Kung Fu. After the Furious Five attempt to take Tai Lung head on and failing, Shifu believes that it is now time to hand Po the dragon scroll, which is believed to do basically anything to help the Dragon Warrior master Kung Fu in ways unimaginable.

However, something unexpected happens once Po opens up the dragon scroll. It’s blank. Literally completely blank. Only showing himself in a golden reflection. No kung fu cheat codes, no magical or whimsical power! Nothing but Po himself. All of that build up and hype for the dragon scroll turned out to be literally for nothing!

Now, a movie where the big overall reveal turns out to be nothing is a HUGE risk, especially when there has been so much build up towards it. It could make the whole experience feel like it was a giant waste of time with trying to keep a secret that ultimately amount to literally NOTHING. However, Kung Fu Panda not only makes it completely work but it might just be the best “nothing” twist that I’ve seen in any movie.

After Po and the Furious Five go their separate ways with Shifu, who awaits his former student’s arrival, we see Po running into his father once again as the whole valley evacuates. Despite learning kung fu, it seems like Po is right back where he started at the beginning of the film, awaiting his noodle tradition future with his adopted father. It’s then that Mr. Ping believes it is time for him to let his son know of his little secret. That secret being the secret ingredient of his secret ingredient soup. And just like with the dragon scroll, the secret ingredient is literally nothing.

That’s right! That secret that Mr. Ping has kept from his son for so long turned out to be literally nothing. It’s nothing but plain old noodle soup. Even though there is no secret ingredient, Mr. Ping believes he doesn’t need it for his soup to be a success. The fact that he believes his soup making skills are special is good enough for him. The fact that he believed in it hard enough and made it happen was the true secret ingredient to all of this.

And there it is right there! That was the meaning of The Dragon Scroll! That was the point that Oogway was trying to get across! There is no secret ingredient to becoming a hero, it’s just you! Your overall appearance doesn’t matter! It’s only a matter if you believe in yourself willingly to accomplish the goals you set out to achieve! That moment right there is not only telling Po himself not to take himself for granted but also the audience as well!

It’s Po using the skills he learned from Shifu and the knowledge he discovered from his father to defeat the sinister Tai Lung. It’s nothing that was learned from any member of the Furious Five or even Shifu himself, it was all on Po. And that realization comes into fruition when Tai Lung finally gets his hands on The Dragon Scroll only to find out it’s literally nothing. All of that training and years of anticipation for the dragon scroll to find out it’s literally nothing. The main difference here is that Po is able to discover the inner meaning of himself with that reveal while Tai Lung is unable to. It’s because of that and more that Po is the one victorious in the end and Tai Lung ends up in skadoosh land.

There have been many different ways of telling the traditional chosen one narrative. There has been plenty of franchises out there that have done that and done it well. However, there isn’t one that I can recall that was able to tell it as fresh, unique, and most importantly, subversive as Kung Fu Panda. It’s like the filmmakers behind were fully aware of it’s absurd premise that audiences would judge too harshly on the surface. It’s like they wanted to use that sense of doubt from everyone to not only prove all the naysayers of the film wrong but literally have that be the main driving force of the film. And if the success of this film is anything to go by, I would say they succeeded spectacularly.

It’s that positive mindset of not doubting yourself that has led DreamWorks to the success with Kung Fu Panda. At the end of the day, when you set yourself out to achieve something, it’s only you that can accomplish it. There’s no secret weapon or trick to do it all, it’s just you. It’s only if you have the confidence to believe in yourself will you be able to accomplish your dreams when given the opportunity. Po was able to do that just well throughout the series and hopefully you can too with whatever you set out to be. Only then where you might just become your own version of the chosen one or The Dragon Warrior.

Next up in the marathon: Kung Fu Panda 2– How To Make The Perfect Villain

It’s Time For Sony To Give Spider-Man Back To Marvel

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This Valentine’s Day saw the release of Madame Web, the newest comic book movie which despite being based off of a Marvel Comic character, was developed STRICTLY by Sony (I bring that up because there are surprisingly a large amount of people in the world that don’t realized this was NOT a movie made by Marvel Studios themselves). And just like with Sony’s previous attempt at doing a villain origin story that no one asked for in Morbius, Madame Web has been an absolute critical and (likely) commercial disaster. It’s immediately been regarded as one of the worst comic book movies ever made and will definitely being topping PLENTY of worst movies of the year list come December. And unlike that other trainwreck of a villain origin story that came out two years ago that I just mentioned, I don’t think the memes are going to be enough to save Madame Web‘s reputation, even if I did somewhat try to do so in my spoof review of it.

As if Madame Web is not enough of a lackluster superhero flick to come out this year from Sony, we also have Kraven the Hunter and Venom 3 slated to release later on this year. And if the track record of the last few villain led movies from Sony is anything to go by, I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out just as bad if not worse. And with the recent funk that most comic book movies are in now, the last thing the sub-genre needs is not one, not two, but THREE terrible comic book movies to come out in the exact same year with the Marvel logo. And as I said at the beginning of the review, even though Marvel Studios are NOT the ones that are making these movies, there is actually a good portion of the population that believe otherwise and could potentially affect upcoming MCU installments such as Deadpool & Wolverine coming out in July.

Of course, the big question everyone is asking is why does Sony continue to make these movies that not only nobody is demanding for but I don’t think even they themselves want to make? Well, it’s basically a similar situation to what led to The Amazing Spider-Man duology being created, to keep the full film rights away from Marvel. Which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing if that sense of obligation wasn’t felt when watching these movies but even if you have the biggest rose-colored glasses on, it’s near impossible to separate the studio politics when sitting through disasters such as The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Venom, Morbius, and Madame Web.

All of this and more is why I strongly believe that it’s time for Sony to return all film rights back to Marvel Studios. Not just the television rights they were forced to fork over when Disney bought Marvel but also the film rights and possibly any other rights to the character of Spider-Man. This isn’t strictly because of recent events with Madame Web but because of the poor treatment that the company has given the character for the past 15 plus years. If you don’t believe me, let’s take a trip down memory lane and go into why certain Spider-Man-related properties have suffered in quality because of Sony.

The first thing I’m sure plenty will point to has to why Sony should still be the father of Spider-Man is the success of the trilogy with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire. The superhero trilogy that was arguably the most successful series of superhero movies until the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy came along. Yes, Spider-Man (2002) is notable for starting the 21st century dominance of superhero movies. Yes, Spider-Man 2 is still considered to be one of the greatest superhero movies ever made! However, what about Spider-Man 3, which in the day before memes, was considered to be one of the biggest letdowns in not just superhero movie history but possibly film history in general. Well, that’s where Sony comes in.

The main reason that Spider-Man 3 turned out to be the mess that it did was due to Sony forcing Sam Raimi to include Venom and other notable characters such as Gwen and Captain Stacy strictly because they were fan favorites throughout the webhead’s history. Raimi initially wanted to tackle the Vulture with Sandman and Harry as the new Goblin along with them but because the demands from the higher ups at Sony, most notably infamous producer Avi Arad, those plans were abandoned and he had to give up Vulture for Venom. Never mind the fact that Venom is basically a two-movie arc at best and the Stacys were never even hinted at existence in the previous movies of the Raimiverse. They were here because it’s what the fans want according to Sony. Instead of being patient and saving those potential storylines for a future sequel, Spider-Man 3 tried to please everyone and their mother at the same time with introducing so many different characters and plotlines that it was just a mess. Sure, some might enjoy that movie more than others (such as yours truly), but I think most people will agree that the movie would have been much better if one side just let one side do the movie they wanted instead of just trying to appease both sides at the same time.

Despite the negative reviews for Spider-Man 3, the strong box office numbers did encourage plans for a fourth installment. Sam Raimi was set to return as director along with Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst in their lead roles as Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson respectively. Raimi had stated many times he was not happy with the end results of Spider-Man 3 and wanted Spider-Man 4 to be the needed return to form and the very best one yet. Spider-Man 4 was planned to include Vulture, the villain initially wanted for Spider-Man 3, along with Black Cat. However, he went through many different scripts and revisions and disliked every single one of them. Then came January 2010, which the film was set to begin filming soon to make for a planned May 2011 release date. However, Raimi was still not satisfied with the script and asked Sony for more time on it. Sony refused and because of that, Raimi stepped down from the project and Spider-Man 4 was officially cancelled. Despite the fact that Sony could have afford to give Raimi one more year because they needed a Spider-Man film out by 2012 to keep the rights to the character and NOT by 2011, they let him go and decided it was time for a full reboot.

Strike one!

The 2012 reboot turned out to be The Amazing Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb and starred Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy. It was approached by Sony as a darker, lower-scaled reboot compared to the Sam Raimi trilogy, containing a larger focus on the teen drama/high-school dynamic aspects of the character. Despite getting solid reviews at the time of it’s release and was able to make 758 million dollars worldwide, it was not the notable success that Sony had wanted, most likely due to the film’s budget of 200 to 230 million dollars. Many believed that was largely due to having a good chunk of scenes that were notably cut out of the feature film, which includes about over half an hour of deleted scenes.

When it came to figuring out where to go next with the series after the first film, The Avengers had come out and it was a global smash worldwide, making it one of the most financially successful films of all time. Because of that, Sony decided that it would be best for them to try to create a cinematic universe of their own within the universe of The Amazing Spider-Man series. Of course, an Amazing Spider-Man 2 and 3 were greenlight but also were a 4th film, a Sinister Six spin-off, a Venom movie, a Black Cat and Silver Sable movie, and even an Aunt May movie (No, I’m not joking!). With such high plans being put in motion, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 had to be a success both commercially and financially.

Two years later, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out and it could have not gotten worse for Sony if they tried. Not only was it received with much worse reviews than the first one but it also made even less money than the first film, making barely above 700 million dollars worldwide. While making 700 million dollars should been seen as a success, it was not in the eyes of Sony, most notably because they promised their investors that the film would make at least a billion dollars.

If you look at what went wrong from behind the scenes, it’s easy to see why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 turned out the way they did. It was a movie that drew everything but the kitchen sink at it with so many different characters, subplots, and set ups for future films. There was even several deleted scenes that hinted at even more characters and subplots such as Mary Jane Watson played by Shailene Woodley, Felicia Hardy as Black Cat, Norman Osborn alive as a frozen head, and even Peter meeting his not-actually-dead father in person. It was a directional mess where no one in involved either had any idea with what they were doing or just didn’t care in general.

Because of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 underperforming, Sony didn’t know what to do next. It’s then that they were approached by Marvel Studios who wanted to include Spider-Man in one of their upcoming films, Captain America: Civil War. When giving the offer, Sony decided to give up on trying to make their own cinematic universe of Spidey and formed a partnership with Marvel Studios, which would once again reboot the character with a different actor that would be Tom Holland. If you are keeping track at home, that is now TWO different iterations of Spider-Man that Sony wrecked due to their own incompetence and constant interference of the productions of these films.

Strike two!

While everyone has their own opinion of the MCU version of Spider-Man, I think most folks would agree that teaming up with Marvel and giving up on their Amazing Spider-Man universe was the right call for Sony. This led to Spider-Man being feature in three different films of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Spider-Man: Far From Home, and Spider-Man: No Way Home, the latter of which is one of the highest grossing films ever, along with notable appearances in the team-up Avengers movies such as Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War, and Avengers: Endgame. However, that didn’t necessarily stop Sony from trying to make Spider-Man related movies of their own.

Believe it or not, Sony actually committed to making at least one of the spin-off movies they were planning with The Amazing Spider-Man universe, which would turn out to be Venom released in 2018. And believe it or not, despite the bad reviews, it was a massive hit for mainstream audiences, grossing over 850 million dollars worldwide. It was the success of that film that motivated for Sony to do another try at their own cinematic universe but this time putting the spotlight on villains from Spider-Man’s rose gallery.

We got Venom: Let There Be Carnage in 2021 which was a decent hit at around 506 million dollars worldwide but definitely not as much as the first one made, then came Morbius which despite it being the most meme-worthy movie ever, got awful reviews and was a big bomb at the box office (even after it got re-released in theaters again due to the memes), and now there’s Madame Web which is set to do just as bad if not worse than Morbius, both critically and commercially. Now, that makes for three different iterations of Spider-Man related properties that Sony either screw up big time or drove it into the ground.

Strike three and you are out!

It’s also worth mentioning about the brief fallout between Sony and Marvel that happened right after Far From Home came out, which almost made No Way Home not happen in it’s current form. It was believed it was largely to do with Sony and Disney having differences on the amount of profit for upcoming Spider-Man films set within the MCU. It’s also believed that Sony was about to take back the character of Spider-Man himself until Tom Holland called up Bob Iger while drunk, pleading for him and Marvel to work out a deal with Sony to keep Spider-Man in the MCU. It’s unknown whether it’s Sony or Marvel that’s the true bad guy here, the fact that Sony almost lost ANOTHER version of Spider-Man would not have been a good sign on their part.

When you really get back onto to the major problems with Spider-Man medium since 2007, all of that can be traced back to Sony. From forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to in Spider-Man 3, to micromanaging the hell out of The Amazing Spider-Man movies with no real road map or goal in mind, to constantly making these pointless villain origin stories in the hopes it would connect to some version of Spider-Man later on down the road, Sony has had a real problem with the web head for quite a period of time. Sure, we have had Spider-Man (2002), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, and the Marvel’s Spider-Man video game series but all of those were clearly done in SPITE of Sony and not because of them.

And even if you want to include those mediums I just mentioned, I could also talk about how Sony basically rushed Insomniac to get Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 out by 2023 when they wanted to push it back to this year to add more polish and features to the game, which likely cost the GOTY awards for that game. Or about how Phil Lord and Chris Miller had to constantly rewrite the script for Across the Spider-Verse due to Sony’s constant interference on the production. Or how they are now butting heads with Marvel Studios for Spider-Man 4 because they would rather chase the success train of No Way Home by doing another multiverse movie instead of taking things down to the street-fighting levels that most fans want and build to another one later on down the road. If anything, the fact that any of those things turned out to be any good at all is simply a miracle.

And with the release of Madame Web that is set to crash and bomb at the box office, I think it’s time more than ever for Sony to give up all of their rights to Spider-Man and return them to Marvel. Aside from Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, Marvel’s Spider-Man 3 game, and MCU’s Spider-Man 4, there is nothing they have coming up that looks even remotely promising under their control, just with the partnership with other studios. Kraven the Hunter looks like another generic by-the-numbers villain origin film, Venom 3 will likely inherit the same problems of it’s predecessors and rely strictly on Tom Hardy’s star power to save the day, and who knows if those reported Miles Morales film, Spider-Women Spider-Verse film, and that Silk series will ever see the light of day. These all could be promising projects but I trust Sony to handle them well about as far as I can throw them.

Say what you will about the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but you can’t seriously tell me that they would do any worse with the full Spider-Man property than what Sony is doing right now with their villain-led cinematic universe. There’s no sign of passion or love from any off these movies coming from the cast and crew, only obligation and corporation. Just look at the press tour of Madame Web and how it’s cast and crew is openly throwing shade at the movie which they are a part off. I think even they know they made a mistake signing up because of Sony likely promising them something they never really meant.

Have there been great content under Sony’s license of Spider-Man? Absolutely! But with the current situation going on between them, Marvel, and the state of superhero movies in general, they can no longer be trusted with handling Spider-Man. They have have countless time to prove they can do Spider-Man related stories without Marvel or anyone else but they have failed spectacularly. The fact that they didn’t greenlight an Amazing Spider-Man 3 with Andrew Garfield and/or a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey Maguire after No Way Home but instead greenlighted Madame Webb and Kraven the Hunter is really all you need to know about the way they run things over there. Even they don’t know what they want for Spider-Man anymore.

Because of all that I’ve just mentioned and more, I think I speak for a large majority of Spider-Man fans out there by saying that it’s time for Spider-Man to come fully home to Marvel at long last.

Madame Web (2024) Movie Review- A Madame Webbing Time

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Here we go again, ladies and gentlemen! Time for another installment in the HOTTEST cinematic universe going on at the movie, the S(cam)ony Villain Cinematic Universe! It started off with a BANG with the turd in the wind that was Venom, followed with Venom: Let There Be Carnage which lived up to the promise of the post credits where Woody Harrleson said, “When I get out of here and I will, there’s gonna be CARNAGE!!!!“, and then came Morbius which offered one absolutely MORBIN TIME that had audiences stand and cheer in the theaters all around the world. Finally, we have Madame Web and as it’s title suggests, it’s the ultimate MADAME WEBBING EXPEREINCE!

Sure, the plot itself might be relatively non-existent, relying on the most unlikely coincidences, multiple continuity errors, bizarre contrivances, and absolute defiance of actual logic imaginable. Sure, it might contain some of the sloppiest and incoherent editing that you will likely see all year. Sure, the action might be very poor, with a climax that is so tense that you can’t even see what the f*ck is happening onscreen. Sure, it has a talented cast that could not look more embarrassed to be there and have been crapping all over this movie throughout their entire press tour. Sure, it feels like a superhero movie that came out in 2003 (which is the actual year which this movie is set in). And sure, the biggest line of the trailer, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died,” isn’t even in the damn movie at all. However, there is no other movie out there that is will give you a more MADAME WEBBING experience than this MADAME WEBBING masterwork!

I would go into the plot itself but considering the fact that it’s basically the plot of every Final Destination movie every and about every “chase” movie imaginable, it’s relatively pointless too. However, the big important thing here is the way that Madame Web MASTERFULLY ties into Sony’s Cinematic Universe. First off, it answers the two BIGGEST questions that EVERYONE has always had about Spider-Man! 1.) What was Uncle Ben doing in his years as a hot paramedic? and 2.) What happened the night that Peter Parker’s mother Mary, gave birth to him? I know that I was always wanting the answer to those questions and thankfully, the film answers that in a way that is so dumb that it’s secretly brilliant. The LAYERS this film has are just something else!

We of course have to get into the four leading women carrying the picture! They could not have had more perfect chemistry if they even tried. Even though the ways they are connected with each other is probably some of the biggest coincidences I’ve ever seen in an motion picture with relationship dynamics that make little to no sense (Mattie is angry as Anya for literally no reason throughout the entire movie!), it’s something so refreshing to see so many women leading a superhero flick! Sure, The Marvels was….okay I guess but Madame Web is really how a female-lead superhero film is suppose to be! You just let them work out their girl powers (No pun intended!) and let them kick ass in ways that are incoherent and hard to follow on screen. And unlike The Marvels which was a huge bomb, Madame Web is for sure set to make MADAME WEBBING DOLLARS!

And unlike say that woke Suicide Squad game that made me not want to wank off to Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman, Madame Web actually lets the ladies show off a little screen. With their nice hair, skin tight outfits, and absurd amount of make up that makes them look like models (despite them all suppose to be teenage girls that are really played by girls in their 20s), this is definitely a female-led movie that’s made for guys. After all, women in superhero media aren’t suppose to be their own fleshed out characters who have their own goals, personalities, and superpowers, they only exist to be in interest of men and men alone. Let women have Barbie! Way to know your audience, Sony!

Of course, this is all Dakota Johnson’s movie as it’s suppose to be considering well..it is a Madame Web movie that tells the origin story of Madame Web. I will warn you though, it’s an INCREDIBLY slow burn where nothing much happens and you’ll likely find yourself as half awake that Dakota Johnson looks in the entire movie. You get every single detail about Cassie Webb in her early days as a hot paramedic, right down to spending time with her cat and how she absurdly got her powers. Although, it doesn’t revolve around the Amazon with her mom when she was researching spiders right before she died, it does take it’s time to show off the same superpower over and over and over again because the writers can’t seem to think of any other clever way to show off her powers. It does require your patience but I promise you the whole ten seconds of her in that ICONIC red suit at the VERY end of the movie is all worth it.

And speaking of which, this movie does SUCH a good job as fleshing out these female characters that you don’t even notice that they aren’t even in their Spider-Women costumes for 99.999999% of the movie. From my estimate, the ladies have about as much screentime in their superHERoine outfits as Taylor Swift did in the Super Bowl, which was a mere 54 seconds btw. Even though the whole purpose of a superHERoine origin story is seeing them turn into a superHERoine at least by the half way point, this cleverly keeps it as minimum as possible, leaving the audience want more from the future. After all, as the good old saying goes, LESS is MORE! And you could have not done MORE with LESS than with this movie.

A big credit has to go to writing duo of Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless. Coming high off their MORBIN masterpiece that was Morbius, they somehow are able to top themselves here! They manage to come up with a script that feels like the most sloppy first copy of a draft imaginable, almost like the equivalent of writing things on the fly, and have it feel as disjointed of a film that I’ve ever seen. It’s GENIUS writing if I’ve ever seen one! This is the kind of duo that should be an inspiration to screenwriters everywhere! Because now you know you can have a script that has no coherent storyline or consistent character motivations in order to get a movie made!

We also have to get credit to S.J. Clarkson, making her directional film debut. Sure, she might have directed some okay episodes of Jessica Jones and The Defenders but she REALLY brought her A-game here. That might have to do with the fact that the film at large feels like a two-hour pilot for a television series that will likely NEVER see the light of day. With the way the low 80 million dollar budget is painfully on screen, how it has so many forced tie-ins at such a brisk pace, and how by the end, it leaves plenty of plot elements up in the air for future entries to continue upon, she could not have been a better choice for Sony. She was able to make a film that stood strictly on it’s own that it didn’t even need a post credit scene to justify it’s existence. Take notes, Disney and Marvel!

The cinematography is stunning with so much visual imagery that dives deeply into Cassie’s self conscious and her powers, the editing feels incredibly ADHD and feels more like it was edited by folks who do trailers rather than movies, the action is all over the place and sloppy like it’s main characters are, and the score is so one note you could swear that Johan Söderqvist was half awake the entire time composing it. And unlike other superhero flicks, it actually spares most of the CGI and saves it for it’s intense climax, with effects that look about as fake and green screen than any movie that I’ve seen in quite some time. An absolute A effort for everyone involved.

In conclusion, Madame Web truly lives up to it’s title and makes for a Madame Webbing time at the theaters. It’s so astonishing that it leaves me anxious to see where this ill-fated and not thought out at all cinematic universe is going. More importantly, which Spider-Man universe is this suppose to connect in? It was suppose to be Andrew Garfield but no one liked that whiny brat in the Amazing Spider-Man movies so pass. It was suppose to be Tom Holland until Sony realized that would make NO logical sense for this to take place in the MCU, so much so that they had to rewrite the entire script while shooting. And with the way Peter Parker is born in this movie, it leaves the room for ANOTHER Spider-Man to join this universe in the future.

Even so, we got Kick-Ass/the inferior Quicksilver coming up as Kraven the Hunter in August and Bane/Mad Max in Venom 3 coming out in October. There’s PLENTY of content we have left to get through before the inevitable Sinister Six movie happens and Sony makes up their mind on whatever Spider-Man they want to join this universe. With this cinematic universe clearly not slowing down any time soon, I think Marvel Studios and DC should be taking notes here. This is how you do a cinematic universe!

Madame Webbing Web made for one Madame Webbing time and I can’t wait to see this film madame webbing again.

This is an easy four out of stars for me! Move over Dune Part II and Deadpool III, THIS is the movie of 2024!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Especially you, Sony! Keep up the madame webbing work!

Thanks for checking out my review! I sure hope it was as sloppy and all over the place as this entire film was!

Real thoughts:

This movie is undoubtedly the most fascinating mess of a movie that I’ve seen in quite some time, feeling more like a POC than an actual feature film. It’s certainly more competently made than say….Morbius but it feels as ever bit as much of an obligation to make as that. I might have to make a piece on this soon but after Beyond the Spider-Verse, Sony really needs to give the film rights of Spider-Man back to Marvel. These villain movies are becoming more and more nonsensical by the day. It’s clear that audiences don’t want to see them as much as Sony doesn’t want to make them! So, stop doing it, please!

Maybe a one and a half out of four stars if I’m being generous.

Probably will change it to one out of four stars once I sleep on it though!

Also, this is still the GOAT Madame Web btw!

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Night Swim (2024) Early Movie Review- A January Horror Movie At It’s Finest

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It’s become cliche to say that a movie released in January sucks. After all, January is pretty much considering the dumpster month of movies. A time where the kids are back in school and the awards contenders are able to hit that end of the year deadline in some areas to qualify for the Oscars. However, in recent memory, there has been a solid number of released films released around this time that were actually not bad or had at least some version of quality. 2016 had Kung Fu Panda 3. 2017 had Split. 2018 (at least in America) had Paddington 2. 2020 (before the pandemic) had Bad Boys For Life. 2022 had Scream. And just last year, 2023 had M3GAN. None of these films were necessarily masterpieces (except for Paddington 2) but they did at least start their respective year on a decent enough note that got folks interested to see what the rest of the year had in stores. If there is a January movie in 2024 that would do exactly that, it’s CERTAINLY not going to be Night Swim. Despite Blumhouse being able to surprise folks with M3GAN last year, they can not make that same lighting strike twice here.

Premise: Forced into early retirement by a degenerative illness, former baseball player Ray Waller (Wyatt Russell) moves into a new house with his wife (Kerry Condon) and two children (Gavin Warren, Amelie Hoeferle). He hopes that the backyard swimming pool will be fun for the kids and provide physical therapy for himself. However, a dark secret from the home’s past soon unleashes a malevolent force that drags the family into the depths of inescapable terror.

The most blatant problem with Night Swim is how it can’t seem to figure out what kind of film it wants to commit the most too. You would believe based off the premise of a pool monster who preys on those that dare take a late night swim would put the majority of the focus on building tension and creating inventive scares that will get under your skin during and after the movie ends. However, it also wants to be a deep thematic movie about learning to accept a new stage in your life when you can no longer go back to the prior one and the overall meaning of sacrifice for the ones you love. Night Swim tries to do both stories at the same time but it’s done in the most half baked way imaginable.

The overall lore and mythology of who exactly this pool demon is are painfully underdeveloped. It’s never clear as to who this monster is, why it does what it does, or even how it’s been allowed to thrive in this pool for so long. Even when we get to the part where the original victim of this monster dive into the backstory of their prior encounter with the demon, it just makes thing even more complicated and confusing than it already is. It seems like it wants that pool to come across as some sort of drug, where the father and son become too addicted to it to the point where they are starting to lose who they are, but it’s never clear as to why it’s suppose to help those that swim into the pool. At best, it might heal Ray Waller of his disease sooner rather than later so he can go back to playing baseball but even then, aside from one scene where they go to the hospital for checks, that never gets addressed again and the movie goes on to the next nonsensical thing. It’s not a good thing when the first thing I ask myself when the movie was over is like, “Why don’t the family just NOT swim in the pool?!” There, problem solved!

The human drama with Ray and his disease is probably the most engaging subplot but it honestly feels like it should have made for it’s own movie rather than this one. A story about Ray having to choose to embrace his new life fighting this new disease only with his family or working his way through his illness to become a ball player could make for an interesting flick but not for a horror one. It’s the two conflicting tones of wanting to be a human drama and an intense horror thriller that makes Night Swim feels at odds with itself. This is all the more apparent in the final reel which the main character makes a move that’s suppose to tie into the overall theme the movie has been flirting with throughout the runtime but because of the other things it had to focus on, it comes across as anti-climatic and (the more that you think about it) incredibly stupid. It should have decided if it wanted to be a personal character driven drama or a straight up scary flick, not both at the same time.

When it comes to the scares themselves, some of them are decent but there is nothing here that will make your skin crawl shortly after the film ends. Most of it only works when it happens in the moment and there’s no creative visual imagery that will be living in your head rent free. The rest of the scares are poorly shot, lighted, and edited where I could barely see what was happening on screen. The perfect example are the scenes towards the end where the mother and son goes into the pool to confront the demon and it felt like the filmmakers had the desire to hid as much as possible for whatever reason. I don’t know if it had to do with the lack of a big budget, the proper rating, or that the director doesn’t have much major film experience but for those coming for the scares, you will likely feel ripped off as well.

Acting wise, while far from the worst performances you will see in an January movie, there’s nothing that stands out from the cast. Wyatt Russell is the most entertaining one here but feels too comedic for this role, almost feeling like he would fit better in a Jordan Peele horror movie rather than this one. Even during the scenes where he supposedly turns evil, it’s hard to buy his sudden turn because of him keeping that same form of charisma that he did in his good form. The rest of the performances from the cast are passable at best but nothing to write home about, giving that exact feeling of only being in it for a quick paycheck.

Night Swim is a perfect example of why horror movies or movies in general released in January get a bad rep. It’s a confused mess that has no idea what kind of film it wants to be. The tone is all over the place, the scares aren’t effective, the lore and mythology surrounding the monster and haunted pool don’t add up, and the ending the more I think on it might just be one of the dumbest endings to a film in recent memory. It might be technically “watchable” and might find an audience for those that have a soft spot for these trashy January horror flicks but it’s definitely not something I can recommend you should go out of your way to see. If anything, you are better off just watching the short film that this is based off of. I may not have seen it myself but I’m willing to bet it’s better than whatever the feature film was.

Move over Bambino and Billy Goat, the newest baseball related curse has arrived in the form of Night Swim!

Most Anticipated Movies of 2024

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2023 is now officially over which mean it’s now time to roll into 2024! And what better way to kick off the early part of January then to share what new films I’m looking forward to the most in 2014.

I’ll be straight up honest with you, there’s not very many films that I’m over the moon excited to see this year. If anything, there’s not so much movies I’m excited for and more movies that I’m CURIOUS for. When viewing the 2024 movie release slate as a whole, you can definitely tell it’s been largely affected by the multiple strikes that took place throughout the course of 2023, causing many film releases to be paused or delayed entirely. Because of that there’s so many films set to come out this year as we speak that we literally know NOTHING about. Perhaps there will be smaller films under my radar or even brand new big films that I have ZERO excitement for will win me over but for now, I’m going into 2024 with pretty pedestrian expectations for what it will bring us in terms of films.

That being said, I still do have ten movies this year that I do have interest in and more likely will check them out around the time that they release.

FYI, I will NOT be including Dune: Part Two on this list because that was already on last year’s list. Considering that only got move backed due to the writers strike along with the fact that was on my list from last year, I don’t need to remind you again that I am legit excited for that movie.

First off, I have a five honorable mentions.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Argylle

We see Matthew Vaughn returning to the spy action genre once again with a stacked cast and an original premise that will hopefully bring a good spin on the genre as we know it. Hopefully, Vaughn is able to recapture that lightning in a bottle he did with Kingsman: The Secret Service and avoid the trappings that brought down Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

  • Ballerina

With The Continental acting as the first spin-off series in the John Wick universe, Ballerina will act as the first spin-off film set in the John Wick universe, taking place between Chapter Two and Three. It will star Ana De Armas as a ballerina named Rooney, a character from Chapter 3 but has been recast, seeking revenge by hunting down the murder of her family. If done well, this has potential to expand upon the John Wick franchise in interesting ways, even without it’s titled main character. And if you saw her brief cameo in No Time To Die, you would know that Ms. Armas is more than capable of handling an action role.

  • Borderlands

After returning to his roots last year with Thanksgiving, Eli Roth is taking his next step a year later with the newest video game film adaption in Borderlands. Even with the increase in quality over the years, video game adaptions are still something to be very cautious over. Even so, there’s a lot of notable names in the cast here with Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Jamie Lee Curtis and Eli Roth is the master at making over-the-top bloody gore fests. With the correct rating, this could at worst be a relatively fun time and make for perhaps the goriest video game movie we’ve ever seen!

  • Joker: Folie à Deux

This is one that I’m more CURIOUS about than EXCITED. Even as someone that enjoyed the first Joker but wasn’t jumping off the roof over it, I don’t think it was a film that warranted a sequel. But because the first one made a billion dollars, we see Todd Phillips returning for a follow-up which will see the origin of Harley Quinn played by Lady Gaga and is said to have a more “musical” vibe to it. I have no clue if this will work or not but no doubt I will be there day one to see how this whole thing will play out. This is a bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off!

  • Nosferatu

More than just his cameos in Spongebob Squarepants, Nosfreatu will be a modern remake of the 1922 original starring Bill Skarsgard himself with Robert Eggers (The Lighthouse, The Northman) taking directing duties. Eggers has been a director that has just entered my radar and I’m profoundly interested to see if he can pull off a high quality remake of a film that is now over 100 years old.

Now, here we go with the main top three!

10.) The Fall Guy

The summer movie season of 2024 is not kicking off with yet another Marvel superhero movie but with a fresh action thriller with The Fall Guy, acting as an adaption of the 1980s tv series. We get to see Ryan Gosling acting as a daredevil stuntman that becomes a reluctant investigator to save his ex-girlfriend’s film. David Leitch has easily grown accustomed to the action genre with his work on John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2, Hobbs & Shaw, and Bullet Train and he looks to continue that even further with The Fall Guy. Even if it’s technically not an “original” film, this looks like it will be a nice change of pace for summer blockbusters and shown it’s more than just an overreliance on superhero or franchise installments.

9.) Kung Fu Panda 4

There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical about a Kung Fu Panda 4. It’s rare to see three straight franchise films in a row to be as consistently good as they are (even if Kung Fu Panda 3 was a step down from the first two) and it’s even rarer for a fourth film to top or even match that level of quality. However, if there’s one thing you should learn by now when it comes to Kung Fu Panda, it’s to NEVER judge a book by it’s cover. Here we will see Po accepting his new role as the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace while passing on the role of the Dragon Warrior to someone else. With a new set of characters such as Zhen (Awkwafina), Han (Ke Huy Quan), and the brand new antagonist the Chameleon (Viola Davis) along with old familiar foes set to return such as Tai Lung (Ian McShane), Kung Fu Panda 4 looks to act as a culmination of the entire Kung Fu Panda series up to this point. Just please make sure the Furious Five come back in some way, shape, or form!

8.) Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Maybe this is recent bias, but after being on cloud nine with Godzilla: Minus One, I can’t help but be more excited for some more action with the King of Monsters. This looks set to be a rematch between Godzilla and King Kong himself, with the two facing a new global threat that will challenge their very existence and the survival of the human race. Based off the marketing and trailers we’ve seen thus far, Adam Wingard seems dead set on promising a gorgeous, action-packed spectacle featuring the two titled characters that everyone is looking to see along with perhaps something more than that. While it will be hard to top Minus One, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is certain to be a genuine crowd pleaser that will be able to expand the brand of these two beloved monsters, allowing their legacies to expand even further.

7.) A Quiet Place: Day One

After two excellent entries in this latest horror franchise, A Quiet Place: Day One will act as a spin-off prequel, showcasing the earlier days of when the worldlike apocalypse in this universe occurred that whipped off the majority of the human population. With Michael Sarnoski taking over for directing duties over John Krasinski, he will look to provide new and inventive ways to deliver clever scares and unique set pieces along with expanding upon the mythology of this franchise even further. I never would have guessed a horror series that has quite a paper-thin premise on paper could get me excited for multiple entries but if they can keep delivering films that are this well made, acted, and engaging, then I will happily take more of them.

6.) Inside Out 2

There is a strong argument to be made that the original Inside Out was objectively the very best Pixar film ever made. It was an animated film that did everything it could with it’s special premise and delivered a stellar motion picture about emotions and feelings and the importance of every notable one of them. With the first film tackling the days of little Riley as a young girl, the second film looks to take a step even further and show Riley going through her days as a teenager. With the new emotion of anxiety and a few others entering this film, we are likely to get a deep dive into the mindset of a young teenage girl going through her own personal struggles. As much as people have been overly critical with the amount of sequels that Pixar has developed over the years, Inside Out 2 is one that has more than enough material on paper to justify it’s existence. If they can make this work, I’ll take more sequels as there is plenty of stories to tell with the entire concept of these movies.

5.) Mickey 17

This is not necessarily one that I know most about or what the actual title of Mickey 17 is suppose to mean. However, there’s one name attached to this project that’s more than enough to me excited for this film to come out. That being no other than the director of Bong Joon-ho. Acting as a follow-up to his Oscar-winning masterpiece of Parasite (*insert angry incel anti-woke fanboy*), Mickey 17 will act as an adaption based off the 2022 novel Mickey 7 and will star the current Batman himself in Robert Pattinson. Would Mickey 17 be this high on the list or even on the list at well if it weren’t for the cast and crew behind this? Probably not. But sometimes, that is more than enough to convince you that it will be worth checking out or at least be a worthwhile quality piece of art.

4.) Deadpool 3

Acting as the only cinematic entry to be released in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Deadpool 3 will be looking to add the humor, charm, and violence that made the first two movies so good and be able to deliver them in new, satisfying ways. With Hugh Jackman coming out of retirement as Wolverine (in the classic Wolverine suit at long LAST) along with potential other well-known X-Men characters joining the party with longtime actors reprising their roles, I wouldn’t be surprised if Deadpool 3 ends up being to Deadpool what No Way Home was to Spider-Man in acting as a celebration of prior Marvel movies. If done well, this can serve as a delicious appetizer and gets everyone excited for the next main course that will be the upcoming Avengers movies, most notably Secret Wars. Oh, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Taylor Swift have a role in some way. After all, you gotta get that few extra bucks from the Swifties.

3.) Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

Approaching the 10 year anniversary of the action movie masterwork that was Mad Max: Fury Road (can’t believe it’s ALREADY been nine years), George Miller returns once again to this post-apocalyptic world which he helped created but with a prequel that puts the spotlight on the latest action heroine icon from Fury Road in Imperator Furiosa, played this time around by Anya Taylor Joy. With this being reported to be in the works for several years now, this is clearly a passion project for Miller himself and wants to give everything he has to do it. While it does look more CGI-ish compared to Fury Road, if Furiosa is able to at least capture a quarter of the magic that 2015 game changer did with it’s stunts, action, visual storytelling, and emotional depth, then it may just continue the Mad Max franchise even further, with hope that the long in development installment, Mad Max: The Wasteland, might see the light of day. Even so, I’m just at least happy to be able to spend more time in this universe.

2.) Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

In an age where most newest installments in long-running franchises are uneven and inconsistent in terms of quality, who would’ve guess that it’s the recent run of Planet of the Apes movies that is ahead of the curve in that regard. Coming off a hugely successful three-movie run with Rupert Wyatt and Matt Reeves that told the complete story of Caesar, the baton has been passed to Wes Ball for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Set 300 years after the events of War for the Planet of the Apes, ape civilizations have emerged higher than ever while the human population is now at it’s absolute lowest, with the focus now on a young ape named Noa and a young human girl named Mae. If the quality of the first three rebooted ape movies is anything to go by, I would expect Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is to be yet another amazing accomplishment with motion capture and visual storytelling along with getting one step closer to the events of the original 1968 Planet of the Apes where it’s completely ape dominated. Between this and Furiosa, Memorial Day weekend is sure to be one strong weekend for films.

1.) Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Do I expect this to be the best movie of 2024? No! Is there a strong chance that this will likely be the worst of the anticipated films I’ve mentioned? Yes! But at the same time, I can’t help but have my mind set on Sonic the Hedgehog 3 more than any other upcoming movie this year. Maybe it’s due to the fact that the prior two Sonic the Hedgehog movies were honestly more or less the Sonic movies I’ve always dreamed off as a kid but Sonic 3 has a chance to not just set a new standard for video game movies but possibly make Sonic popular than he ever has been before. With it set to introduce fan-favorite character Shadow the Hedgehog, possible well known Sonic characters such as Amy Rose and Rouge the Bat might get thrown into the mix, seeing how the Sonic lore is more expanded upon, and even just seeing how the main trio grow as characters, Sonic 3 just seems set to be an absolute blast for Sonic fans, video game fans, and everyday moviegoers alike. We might not know the exact plot synopsis quite yet or even who is going to be cast as Shadow the Hedgehog. However, the build up and anticipation to it’s holiday release of Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is what I’m looking forward to the most throughout the majority of 2024. I don’t expect this to win an Oscar or even be my absolute favorite of the year, but the inner child in me is what make Sonic the Hedgehog 3 my most anticipated film of the year!

As for other big movies coming out this year:

  • I saw Night Swim early. It kinda stinks and is pretty much the exact definition of a January horror movie. Don’t expect another pleasant surprise like M3GAN from it.
  • There’s another Mean Girls coming out that acts as more of a musical than an actual remake. Hopefully, it’s not another Mean Girls 2.
  • Madame Web seems set to be a Madame Webbing time (Did I do that right?).
  • Love Lies Bleeding looks like it will be every Sapphics wet dream.
  • Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire was another holdover from 2023 but from the trailers, it looks like yet another reminder about how Hollywood has completely forgot what made Ghostbusters special.
  • Rebel Moon: Part Two might fix the flaws of Part One but either Netflix needs to learn how to properly release their feature films or Zack Snyder needs to learn how to release a proper film in it’s actual cut released for theaters and streaming.
  • There’s a new Universal monster movie set to star Melissa Barrera, the actress who just got fired from Scream due to voicing her support from Palestine. That alone is enough for me to show my support!
  • Alex Garland’s Civil War seems set to be the most controversial film of 2024 in both the best and worst ways possible. Just please let this be closer in quality to Ex Machina and Annihilation and NOT Men.
  • There’s another Strangers film coming with The Strangers: Chapter 1 for fans of that series. I’m not really one of them.
  • An animated Garfield film is also coming on Memorial Day alongside Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes and Furiosa. It looks cute but why does Chris Pratt got to be in every animated movie nowadays?
  • Bad Boys 4 might still be a thing this year, assuming the whole world has gotten covered Will Smith’s Oscar slap.
  • Despicable Me 4 is happening because….I guess the kids still love minions.
  • Twisters is an upcoming disaster film with the director of Minari. That could be good.
  • M. Night Shyamalan has another movie set with Trap. And even his daughter has a new movie as well. Let’s see how those turn out!
  • Horizon: An American Saga is getting Chapters 1 and 2 in the same year directed by Kevin Costner no less. Could be interesting!
  • Alien, Lord of the Rings, and The Karate Kid are getting new films this year believe it or not but we literally know NOTHING about them whatsoever.
  • Gladiator and Beetlejuice are getting sequels….for some reason.
  • Kraven the Hunter movie is still a thing….for some reason. Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 game pretty much already has that beat by a mile.
  • Transformers One could be yet another surprisingly enjoyable or just okay Transformers movie that will likely underperform at the box office because the world is still recovering from Bayformers or even misses it.
  • Wolfs is the next film from prior Spider-Man director, Jon Watts. We’ll see how that goes.
  • Saw XI and Smile 2 are coming because of how successful the last Saw and first Smile was.
  • Venom 3 will likely be another film which will help Sony continue to destroy the last remaining will that superhero movies still have. At least Tom Hardy will still be run, right?
  • Red One is an upcoming Christmas adventure with The Rock and Chris Evans because….of course.
  • Wicked: Part One will be a newest musical fantasy adaption that I may check out if the reviews are good enough.
  • And of course, Disney is releasing Mufasa: The Lion King, which will likely be another bad or underwhelming Disney live-action remake that pales in comparison to the original. Barry Jenkins is WAY too talented of a director for this!

Is The Theatrical Experience Dead?

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There was a time when you went to cinema to see the next big blockbuster, it didn’t just feel like you were in for a new movie, it felt like you were in for a new experience. Whether you loved the movie or hated it, there was a magical feeling of being in the cinema for the next big movie with a sold out crowd on opening night or weekend. I will never forget the experience of watching Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame on the very first night with the crowd being on cloud nine the whole way through. To experience all the laughs, cheers, excitement, and even tears to come from the crowd was something truly special and will always be a lasting memory for me! However, as we approach the end of 2023 and see where cinema is in it’s current state, there is a strong argument to be made about how the magic of watching films in cinema is long gone.

To say that 2023 has been a brutal year for Hollywood and cinema would be an understatement. Not only with the handful of strikes that have gone on for the majority of the year but the way that new franchise installments have underperformed vastly and bombed spectacularly at the box office. It’s not only in terms of flicks involving Disney and superheroes like the media has made it out to be but almost every notable franchise out there minus a few exceptions. And it’s not only one or two specific reasons that stand out for these movies tanking but there are MULTIPLE factors here. Multiple factors that honestly has been years in the making!

Because of that, let’s go over ever single logical factor here! Every single concrete reason as to why cinema is in the state that is in right now and why major changes need to happening if cinema will continue to evolve in the comfort of movie theaters everywhere!

The Covid-19 Pandemic

The Covid-19 pandemic changed the lives of every single life form on planet Earth. A worldwide plague that forced everyone to quarantine for the majority of 2020 along with parts of 2021 and 2022. Because of that, entertainment around the world was put on hold. Theaters were closed, films were delayed, and productions of basically all forms of entertainment were put on hold. Coming right after a massive year of the box office in 2019, where there were NINE films that grossed over a billion dollars worldwide (SEVEN of them disturbed by Disney), this could not have occurred at a worse time for Hollywood.

This led to many of the big movies that were to come out in 2020 and 2021 being sent to streaming with some occasional theater showings for some of them. With over half the theaters around the country being closed and streaming services being more popular than ever, of course most chose to stay at home and watching the upcoming movies on streaming services. However, that line of thinking of just waiting to watch movies in the comfort of your own homes has clearly played an impact on the way movie goers chose to watch films in the 2020s.

With a handful of exceptions, most new franchise installments that always tended to make a guarantee profit have underperformed or bombed in this post-Covid timeline. A large reason for that has to do with the fact that most audiences would rather wait for new movies to be able for digital or streaming services then shelling a few extras bucks on concessions and theater seats when new movies come out in cinema. The theatrical experiences for most big movies nowadays is just not worth it in the eyes of the consumer.

Strikes-a-palooza

2023 was a year that was litter with strikes going on in Hollywood, with some that either is still happening or most likely to happen soon. You have the writers strike that lasted for nearly five months, you have the actors strike that lasted for four months, there’s a strike going on at the moment with the VFX artists from Disney and Marvel, and if reports are to believe, you can bet that a strike within the gaming and animation industry is likely to occur sooner rather than later.

The strikes involving the writers and actors caused a halt in production of films along with the promotion and marketing of upcoming films being practically non-existent. This caused films like Dune: Part Two to be delayed and films that have been released during it such as The Marvels to suffer severely at the box office. While we might not have felt the direct impact of upcoming films in production that were halted because of the strike, we will certainly feel it in the next two to three years. Just as we all felt the impact of the previous writers strike with films that came out in 2009 or 2010. If the impact wave of Covid is about over, a brand new wave involving all the strikes is about to come. Surfs up!

Too Many Mid-icore Movies

While the other two reasons mentioned is a great argument of the amount of money studios spend on their movies and the amount of moment audience will spend to watch them, maybe the big reason as to do with the actual quality of the motion picture. Maybe it has to do with audience no longer wearing their rose-colored glasses and seeing how it’s become quantity over quality for a lot of franchises right there. Movies that just exist for the sake of existing and not because it’s something the audience actually want to see.

That would explain greatly how films like Barbie, Oppenheimer, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 and Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse have been the most notable successes at box office in 2023. Not just because they were names from a familiar brand but because of the strong impact they had on mainstream audiences which led to repeat theater viewings and strong worth of mouth. While not quite the most successful films of all time, it was able to exceed expectations, and possibly even surpass them due to how good those movies actually were. The same thing can’t be said about the other big movies that came out in 2023.

Fast X was seen as more of the same, over-the-top nonsense that has become accustomed to this franchise at this point. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts was seen as a passable if not disposable entry for a franchise that is still dealing with the aftermath of the overblown Bayformers flicks. The Flash was seen as a ugly CGI mess made solely for course correcting and the hope that having Michael Keaton back as Batman along with Sasha Calle’s Supergirl would be enough to overcome any shortcomings. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny was seen as an unnecessary and forgettable finale to a series that already had two definite finales beforehand. The Marvels, Shazam: Fury of the Gods, and Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom might have been considered “good enough” when superhero movies still felt like events but not in the year 2023. And Wish was seen as lackluster of an 100th year anniversary film for Disney that you could possibly imagine. While two or three of these might be enough to guarantee a solid three out of four stars ratings, they all did not receive the best reviews or the strongest word of mouth to make any of these worth buying a ticket for. Because of that, they were not able to make their money back or break even.

Even Good Movies Are Bombing

I’m sure most of you reading this thinks that the easy solution would be just to make better films and more people will be more eager to see them in theaters. While there have definitely been films this year that have accomplished just that, there have been other notable critically successful films that suffered at the box office regardless of it’s high quality.

These include the likes of Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning- Part 1, Blue Beetle, and Killers of the Flower Moon. All four of these films were ones that gained mostly very good reviews from critics and received a certified fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes but still lost money. While plenty will argue it had to do with awkward release dates or going ridiculously overbudget, it still doesn’t change the fact that these were all very good films in the eyes of critics and folks that went to see them but still underperformed or flopped at the box office.

This just goes to show you that even films that are well-acclaimed are not guarantee to be box office hits either. Sometimes a movie bombing has nothing to do with it’s overall quality, it’s that audience didn’t have the interest or knowledge of it’s existence to check them out while it was playing in theaters. There are plenty of good to great films in recent memory in the past that have been guilty of that: Dredd, Edge of Tomorrow, The Nice Guys, Blade Runner 2049, Annihilation, and Doctor Sleep just to name a few. While I’m sure all four of the 2023 films mentioned will find or already has found it’s audience through digital or physical media, the fact they were unable to gain them at the time it came out in theaters goes to show how even well quality films have suffered from other dire consequences.

Overbudgeting At It’s Finest

This is the one that everyone and their mother has pointed out but it’s certainly worth pointing out again. The amount of money that is being spend on these big movies is beyond ridiculous. Going past the traditional of $150 to $200 million budgets to big blockbusters in favor of now $250 to $300 million budgets. You have Elemental and Wish costing $200 million to make, The Flash costing $220 million to make, The Marvels costing $275 million to make, Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning- Part 1 cost $291 million to make, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny costing $300 million to make, and even Fast X costing $340 million to make. And that’s not even including the amount of money that was spent on trailers and marketing which you could add at least a few more million with. The overconfidence in box office has certainly been Hollywood’s weakness throughout the entirety of 2023.

I’m sure many people will point out how the larger budgets may have to do with Covid-19 halting many of these projects while they were in development but that doesn’t excuse how others movies released this year which made either just as much, more, or even less than any of the big movies were able to be a financial hit. You have John Wick: Chapter 4 which made a franchise record, 432 million worldwide, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse making over 600 million worldwide, which is a record for Sony Animation, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 making over 800 million worldwide, and The Super Mario Bros Movie making over 1.3 billion worldwide.

When looking at the movies mentioned from this year, only Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 was able to have a budget over 200 million dollars and was able to be a financial success. The rest of the movies either underperformed or flat out bombed at the box office. It makes you wonder how in the world movies such as The Super Mario Bros. Movie and Across the Spider-Verse were able to have a cheaper budget than Elemental despite having more impressive animation and more well known celebrities in the cast. Even so, it goes to show you how easy it is to make back your money on movies if you keep your expectations and budget in check without going too overboard.

If a movie making half or 3/4 of a billion dollars is considered underperforming, the studios need to take a good, hard look at themselves and figure out what has allowed that to happen. If you need to make at or near a billion for your big movie to make a profit, then that just speaks volume how little connection you have with yourself or the general public. Even if Covid was a factor in some extra money being spent, that can’t be the only factor to do it.

It must be no coincidence that the three highest grossing films of the year in Barbie, Mario, and Oppenheimer were all films that only cost 145 million or less. Take a hint, Hollywood!

Theater and Concession Prices Are Ridiculous

Is it me or has the prices for movie tickets and concessions skyrocketed quite a bit to the point of insanity? No matter what time or day it is, it seems like movie tickets nowadays cost a total of at least 12 to 15 dollars with 15 to 20 dollars involving food and beverage. That’s at least 25 to 35 dollars spent on one night at the movies, possibly more if you are going with friends or family members. That is just insane!

While there are certain theater companies out there that offer paid monthly subscriptions that helps save money with going to the movies such as Regal, not all theater companies are like that. At best, you will get a five or ten dollar discount after spending 50 to 100 dollars worth on your local theater and that’s basically it. And if you don’t find yourself using any of those subscriptions, that’s just a few extra bucks you got to fork over just for one or two times at the cinema.

Whether this is due to Covid-19 or the power of inflation, the increase of price in tickets and concessions has to play an effect on the way audience select the upcoming blockbusters they want to see. The movie going experience is more expense now than ever before, almost approaching the level of the expenses of gaming and sporting events. Because of that, it’s obvious the mainstream audience are mostly picking and choosing at random which movies they want to see on the big screen and which ones they would rather wait to watch in the comfort of their own homes. They’ll go see their Barbie and Oppenheimer but they will likely rather wait for The Marvels and Killers of the Flower Moon to come to streaming.

Maybe, just maybe, if theaters and cinema would have the urge to lower the prices on tickets and concessions or offer more events like Cinema Day, perhaps folks might be more willing to check films out in cinema when they arrive on the big screen.

Movies Are No Longer Events

To repeat what I said at the start of this article, remember when going to a movie of a big franchise felt like a cinematic event? Almost as if you are about to witness a moment in history you would be eager to tell your kids and grandkids many years later down the road? Is it me or has the movie theater experience lacked that hype and event feeling at least since 2020 rolled around?

There have been exceptions of course. You have the likes of Spider-Man: No Way Home, Top Gun: Maverick, Avatar: Way of Water, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Barbie, and Oppenheimer that were able to achieve that cinematic feeling for most moviegoers out there. But, those are really only exceptions compared to other franchise films that have come out since then. Instead of the feeling you are about to watch the cinematic equivealant of the World Series in theaters, it now feels like you are watching the cinematic equivalent of a Spring Training game.

When I saw The Marvels and The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes in theaters, the things that took me off guard the most when watching them was how uncinematic it felt watching those in theaters, especially compared to the series prior installments. I remember theaters being mostly packed when I saw the first Captain Marvel and the other Hunger Games films when I saw them in theaters, with the feeling that the hype and anticipation of so many folks was about to pay off. When I saw the newest installment of Captain Marvel and Hunger Games, I can only count on hand about eight to ten other folks with me in the theaters, which made about less than a quarter of the whole theater. If that’s not a sign how far the feeling of being in a movie theater has fallen, then I don’t know what is.

I could also give other examples, most recently with Aquaman: The Lost Kingdom set to be an absolute bomb despite the first film being the highest grossing DC film of all time, but the examples I just mentioned really gave me that depressing feeling about how the theater experience isn’t the same anymore and likely never will be.

This is likely because of how most franchise installments nowadays don’t feel like events anymore. Whether that’s due to Covid-19 or being oversaturated with them or just the overall declining quality with most of them, they just don’t feel as grand or rewarding as they used to be. Because of that, what’s the point of going to theaters anymore when you can just wait a couple of months to watch them in your own homes where you will save yourself extra cash? It’s like they said, vote with your wallet and that’s what many moviegoers have done since the pandemic rolled around.

How To Fix This?

There has been plenty of discussions going around on what Hollywood needs to do to fix their current problems. I’ll tell you right now that there is no simple solution to fix all of this. They have dug themselves into massive hole that it will take years to come even close to climbing out of it. If I were to give a simple bit of advice, it’s to probably go back to the “old school” ways of making films.

Don’t feel the need to go overbudget, don’t overthink every single bit of detail, don’t needlessly overwork your VFX artists, use every old fashioned camera trick and editing technique in the book, work at a reasonable time and pace, and most importantingly, make them all feel like films that deserve to be seen in movie theaters. Also, lowering the prices on tickets and concessions would help as well!

Of course, this won’t solve every single problem that Hollywood is currently having, especially with the amount of strikes that are likely gonna occur in the future, but at least it would give a reason as to why the theatrical experience should still be a thing in the year 2023 and onwards. Why going out to theaters to see the newest blockbuster when it comes out is important instead of just waiting a few extra months to watch on streaming or demand!

All of those things and much more need to happen if the theatrical experience is to thrive in the future. Otherwise, streaming and digital media will be the absolute future with no need for theaters and physical media.

Thanks a lot, Trolls: World Tours! You destroyed cinema!