Tag: madame-web

About Chris Stuckmann’s Madame Web “Review”

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I never thought I would be doing ANOTHER piece talking about Madame Web. As a matter of fact, it was around the time that Chris Stuckmann posted his Madame Web “review” that I posted my piece on why it’s time for Sony to give Spider-Man back to Marvel. And it’s around the time of writing of which Bob Chipman, A.K.A. Moviebob, just uploaded his take on this trivial matter that I’m about to do my take on.

In all seriousness, Madame Web came out last month and was universally panned across the board by professional critics and those that actually had the guts to watch that turd in the wind in theaters. And while there has been stupid discourse over the financial bombing and lackluster quality of that movie, most notably that the sole reason it failed is because female led superhero stories don’t work because….women, the most obnoxious that I’m still seeing back and forth on social media weeks later is on Chris Stuckmann’s take on the movie, or most notably about the studio politics and behind the scenes drama surrounding it.

In case you don’t know who Chris Stuckmann is, he’s been known as one of the main film critics on YouTube since around 2010. He would do reviews on the latest movies that are playing in cinemas, video analyses of certain key films, and specific videos talking about the state of cinema in general. Outside of Jeremy Jahns, he’s probably been the biggest and most influential movie reviewer on YouTube for the majority of the 2010s.

However for the past few years, Chris had been working to become a professional film director, making his feature length film debut with a project titled Shelby Oaks. In 2021, he announced on his channel that he will stop doing videos where he critiques film to take his first few steps into filmmaking and now mainly uses his channel to discuss films that he actually enjoys.

For longtime viewers, this felt like a decision that was long coming. Even before semi-retiring as a film critic, he has stated constantly that he doesn’t enjoy dogpiling on movies due to how that negative mindset has impacted the state of film criticism on the internet, so much so that he stopped doing worst movies of the years lists after 2017. That right there practically gave you a direction of where his head was at for his future on YouTube. Not to mention, making a platform out of showing love and passion for film and NOT contempt seems like the logical way to go for someone who is working to become a filmmaker. Considering we all live in a time where negativity attracts the most attention on the internet, especially in regards to entertainment, it does seems like a refreshing change of pace for someone as big as Chris Stuckmann to use his popularity to support the good side of cinema instead of always fueling fire with the bad.

However, shortly after Madame Web came out, Chris decided to make a video talking about it. It wasn’t so much about the quality of the film itself but more of what likely went on from behind the camera and the film production at Sony Pictures. And because of that, the internet didn’t react so kindly to that video.

Most were outraged at the fact that Chris didn’t make the whole video about tearing down Madame Web and swearing off everyone involved with that movie. There were those that claimed he’s only doing that to save face in case he one day gets a shot on working on a major franchise with a major studio. While I can understand an argument or two on that, the majority of the response what I’m seeing is the fact that people are angry with the fact that Chris himself didn’t do an angry rant on the movie where he’s constantly shouting and isn’t joining along with the rest of the internet to tear an obvious bad movie down a new a**hole. And what I say to that is, you all need to CHILL THE F**K OUT!

First off, never once in that video does Chris claim that he wanted to do a review on Madame Web. As I mentioned before, his main goal with his channel is to celebrate good films instead of tearing down bad films like the majority of the internet does with anything nowadays. Why in the world would he make an exception with Madame Web? Because everyone else is doing it?! Because it’s a Marvel/superhero movie?! Because it’s a female led movie?!?! What would be the point of him doing that? Doing a negative review on that is no longer in his character so why would he feel compelled to do that?!?!

Heck, he literally states at the beginning of the video that it is NOT a review of Madame Web and there’s plenty of other folks out there that have reviews for it for everyone else to read, watch, or listen to. That right there should have given you all the info you need to know that is NOT a review of Madame Web, assuming the title of the video didn’t give that away entirely.

For anyone that actually bothers to watch the entire video instead of an out of context clip on Twitter and Facebook, you would know that Chris himself just wanted to give an insight has to how the film industry operates when it comes to most of the bigger franchises IPs out there. Now that he is within the industry and likely has associates who have worked on some of these franchise IPs, he now has a bigger understanding as to how things tend to work in the film business.

The whole point of a video is to put a spotlight on corporations like Sony and how they basically have control and say over how their big films go. In that, it’s not always on the cast and crew for why a product turns out so bad, it’s on the studios and their constant micromanagement of said film. Because at the end of the day, they are the ones that greenlight a movie and have totally say onto how things should go doing production of said film. What is so wrong with stating something so INCREDIBLY obvious?

As I mentioned in my piece about Sony last month, all you have to do is look at the treatment they have been giving our favorite web swinger since 2007 to prove Chris’s points. They are the ones that wrecked Spider-Man 3 by forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to. They are the ones that drove the Amazing Spider-Man film series into the ground by over budgeting, overplanning, and not having a proper direction for that franchise. They are the ones that are making these unnecessary Spidey villain origin stories that no one is asking for. And if reports are true, they are the ones that are rushing MCU’s Spider-Man 4 to get it out by next year despite the MCU being too packed in 2025 and they likely don’t even have a finished script for it yet. Who do you think is more at fault with the results of those movies mentioned? The cast and crew of those pictures or Sony themselves? If you say Sony, then congratulations you got the point of Chris’s video!

The thing is I’m sure all of us would KILL to do a Spider-Man movie if we were given the opportunity to do so. We all have our own version of Spider-Man that we would love to share with others all over the world. However, even when you get a chance to work on one, there’s a good chance that vision will not match the studios. As I mentioned before, they are the ones that chose the direction to go and whether or not your vision is the one they want. And if they refuse, you either have to sit down, shut up, and do what they say or you would just quit entirely. This is a real world we live in and the studios won’t just hand over their massive franchises over to you and let you do what they want just because. They have to approve of everything.

In the case of Madame Web, Sony are the ones that approved the quality of that mess, not director S.J. Clarkson or writers Kerem Sanga, Claire Parker, Matt Sazama, and Burk Sharpless. Sony could have said “No!” to the movie they made and have it reworked into a better film but they didn’t. However, because the majority of people that watch said film don’t know how big movies are made, they just put the full blame on the cast and crew for the outcome of the movie they saw and NOT on the studio that greenlighted it. Because of that, it’s the creative team behind the movie that will suffer the great casualties from Madame Web and NOT Sony Pictures! Once again, this is what Chris Stuckmann was talking about!

And even if all of this has NOTHING to do with the video, why do you need ANOTHER review that’s just nonstop bashing Madame Web?! You already have hundreds to thousands other YouTubers for you to do that, as stated by Chris at the literal START OF THE VIDEO! You have mainstream critics that panned the hell out of the movie, so much so that it will likely go down as one of the worst reviewed films of 2024. You have an audience that didn’t bother to go and see it and Sony will likely lose a TON of money as a result. This is the equivalent of kicking a horse that’s already dead! Just stop! THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE!

I do want to make something clear that I am NOT against film criticism. Even in an age where we have YouTubers making overlong and tedious movie reviews that talk about how said film is “OBJECTIVELY BAD!” which is non stop nitpicking with the mindset of a CinemaSins doppelganger, I do think critical feedback is important in the hopes of more quality films in the future. However, I don’t think Chris Stuckmann contradicts that because quite simply, he is no longer the man to go to in this regard. He himself has confirmed that and everyone has to simply expect that now.

I can maybe understand if you used to watch Chris Stuckmann and weren’t aware of his more friendly turn to discussing films that you might have an initial negative reaction to this. However, for those that have known this since 2021, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? Another bad review of Madame Web isn’t going to change anything since there’s already been a million of them since the movie came out. It’s like the equivalent of picking up on the poor nerdy kid in school who has no friends and is constantly being picked on. Everyone else is doing it so that means I should do it too! If that’s the mindset everyone has in regards to this, then that just goes to show you how far proper film discourse has fallen.

The vile reaction to Chris’s video is just more proof of different times we live in now. Gone are the days where a film is loved and acclaimed by everyone with an occasional contrarian or two. Gone are the days where we can have a simple discussion and explain why a certain film just doesn’t work. Gone are the days where we can even make simple videos about how simply making a film is not as black and white as it seems. Now, it’s just going on and on about how “woke” or “anti-woke” a certain film is and whether or not it fits into one’s preferred political parties’ “agenda” or gives more ammunition in this so-called “cultural war”. It’s just stupid discourse after stupid discourse with no end in sight.

If you disagree with Chris Stuckmann’s take on what might have gone wrong behind the scenes with Madame Web, that’s fine. If you preferred when he was a film critic and had no problem with critiquing films, that is fine too. But if you are someone that is mad with the fact he is not joining along with every big name YouTuber in making Madame Web their whipping boy (or in the case of this movie, whipping girl) of the moment, then that says more about you than it does for Chris.

The funniest thing about this all is that Chris himself makes it perfectly clear that he did not enjoy Madame Web whatsoever. He might not directly say that but if you just read between the lines, it’s painfully obvious he agrees with 99.99% of the population in that Madame Web is a bad movie. The fact that people are angry at him anyway is the real master stroke on this sick cesspool we call film discourse in the year 2024!

And I am SO not prepared as to how Kung Fu Panda 4 will fare into all of this complete BS!

Come to think about it, perhaps that’s why DreamWorks hasn’t bothered to properly market that movie. Even they know that if too many people are aware of its existence, then Po’s next movie will too will get needlessly dragged or roped into this pointless war surrounding entertainment. Po is innocent and deserves so much better than what grifters or the “woke” crowd are gonna force him into by next week.

If only Roger Ebert was still around. He would find a way to stop all of this nonsense!

It’s Time For Sony To Give Spider-Man Back To Marvel

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This Valentine’s Day saw the release of Madame Web, the newest comic book movie which despite being based off of a Marvel Comic character, was developed STRICTLY by Sony (I bring that up because there are surprisingly a large amount of people in the world that don’t realized this was NOT a movie made by Marvel Studios themselves). And just like with Sony’s previous attempt at doing a villain origin story that no one asked for in Morbius, Madame Web has been an absolute critical and (likely) commercial disaster. It’s immediately been regarded as one of the worst comic book movies ever made and will definitely being topping PLENTY of worst movies of the year list come December. And unlike that other trainwreck of a villain origin story that came out two years ago that I just mentioned, I don’t think the memes are going to be enough to save Madame Web‘s reputation, even if I did somewhat try to do so in my spoof review of it.

As if Madame Web is not enough of a lackluster superhero flick to come out this year from Sony, we also have Kraven the Hunter and Venom 3 slated to release later on this year. And if the track record of the last few villain led movies from Sony is anything to go by, I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out just as bad if not worse. And with the recent funk that most comic book movies are in now, the last thing the sub-genre needs is not one, not two, but THREE terrible comic book movies to come out in the exact same year with the Marvel logo. And as I said at the beginning of the review, even though Marvel Studios are NOT the ones that are making these movies, there is actually a good portion of the population that believe otherwise and could potentially affect upcoming MCU installments such as Deadpool & Wolverine coming out in July.

Of course, the big question everyone is asking is why does Sony continue to make these movies that not only nobody is demanding for but I don’t think even they themselves want to make? Well, it’s basically a similar situation to what led to The Amazing Spider-Man duology being created, to keep the full film rights away from Marvel. Which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing if that sense of obligation wasn’t felt when watching these movies but even if you have the biggest rose-colored glasses on, it’s near impossible to separate the studio politics when sitting through disasters such as The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Venom, Morbius, and Madame Web.

All of this and more is why I strongly believe that it’s time for Sony to return all film rights back to Marvel Studios. Not just the television rights they were forced to fork over when Disney bought Marvel but also the film rights and possibly any other rights to the character of Spider-Man. This isn’t strictly because of recent events with Madame Web but because of the poor treatment that the company has given the character for the past 15 plus years. If you don’t believe me, let’s take a trip down memory lane and go into why certain Spider-Man-related properties have suffered in quality because of Sony.

The first thing I’m sure plenty will point to has to why Sony should still be the father of Spider-Man is the success of the trilogy with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire. The superhero trilogy that was arguably the most successful series of superhero movies until the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy came along. Yes, Spider-Man (2002) is notable for starting the 21st century dominance of superhero movies. Yes, Spider-Man 2 is still considered to be one of the greatest superhero movies ever made! However, what about Spider-Man 3, which in the day before memes, was considered to be one of the biggest letdowns in not just superhero movie history but possibly film history in general. Well, that’s where Sony comes in.

The main reason that Spider-Man 3 turned out to be the mess that it did was due to Sony forcing Sam Raimi to include Venom and other notable characters such as Gwen and Captain Stacy strictly because they were fan favorites throughout the webhead’s history. Raimi initially wanted to tackle the Vulture with Sandman and Harry as the new Goblin along with them but because the demands from the higher ups at Sony, most notably infamous producer Avi Arad, those plans were abandoned and he had to give up Vulture for Venom. Never mind the fact that Venom is basically a two-movie arc at best and the Stacys were never even hinted at existence in the previous movies of the Raimiverse. They were here because it’s what the fans want according to Sony. Instead of being patient and saving those potential storylines for a future sequel, Spider-Man 3 tried to please everyone and their mother at the same time with introducing so many different characters and plotlines that it was just a mess. Sure, some might enjoy that movie more than others (such as yours truly), but I think most people will agree that the movie would have been much better if one side just let one side do the movie they wanted instead of just trying to appease both sides at the same time.

Despite the negative reviews for Spider-Man 3, the strong box office numbers did encourage plans for a fourth installment. Sam Raimi was set to return as director along with Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst in their lead roles as Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson respectively. Raimi had stated many times he was not happy with the end results of Spider-Man 3 and wanted Spider-Man 4 to be the needed return to form and the very best one yet. Spider-Man 4 was planned to include Vulture, the villain initially wanted for Spider-Man 3, along with Black Cat. However, he went through many different scripts and revisions and disliked every single one of them. Then came January 2010, which the film was set to begin filming soon to make for a planned May 2011 release date. However, Raimi was still not satisfied with the script and asked Sony for more time on it. Sony refused and because of that, Raimi stepped down from the project and Spider-Man 4 was officially cancelled. Despite the fact that Sony could have afford to give Raimi one more year because they needed a Spider-Man film out by 2012 to keep the rights to the character and NOT by 2011, they let him go and decided it was time for a full reboot.

Strike one!

The 2012 reboot turned out to be The Amazing Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb and starred Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy. It was approached by Sony as a darker, lower-scaled reboot compared to the Sam Raimi trilogy, containing a larger focus on the teen drama/high-school dynamic aspects of the character. Despite getting solid reviews at the time of it’s release and was able to make 758 million dollars worldwide, it was not the notable success that Sony had wanted, most likely due to the film’s budget of 200 to 230 million dollars. Many believed that was largely due to having a good chunk of scenes that were notably cut out of the feature film, which includes about over half an hour of deleted scenes.

When it came to figuring out where to go next with the series after the first film, The Avengers had come out and it was a global smash worldwide, making it one of the most financially successful films of all time. Because of that, Sony decided that it would be best for them to try to create a cinematic universe of their own within the universe of The Amazing Spider-Man series. Of course, an Amazing Spider-Man 2 and 3 were greenlight but also were a 4th film, a Sinister Six spin-off, a Venom movie, a Black Cat and Silver Sable movie, and even an Aunt May movie (No, I’m not joking!). With such high plans being put in motion, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 had to be a success both commercially and financially.

Two years later, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out and it could have not gotten worse for Sony if they tried. Not only was it received with much worse reviews than the first one but it also made even less money than the first film, making barely above 700 million dollars worldwide. While making 700 million dollars should been seen as a success, it was not in the eyes of Sony, most notably because they promised their investors that the film would make at least a billion dollars.

If you look at what went wrong from behind the scenes, it’s easy to see why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 turned out the way they did. It was a movie that drew everything but the kitchen sink at it with so many different characters, subplots, and set ups for future films. There was even several deleted scenes that hinted at even more characters and subplots such as Mary Jane Watson played by Shailene Woodley, Felicia Hardy as Black Cat, Norman Osborn alive as a frozen head, and even Peter meeting his not-actually-dead father in person. It was a directional mess where no one in involved either had any idea with what they were doing or just didn’t care in general.

Because of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 underperforming, Sony didn’t know what to do next. It’s then that they were approached by Marvel Studios who wanted to include Spider-Man in one of their upcoming films, Captain America: Civil War. When giving the offer, Sony decided to give up on trying to make their own cinematic universe of Spidey and formed a partnership with Marvel Studios, which would once again reboot the character with a different actor that would be Tom Holland. If you are keeping track at home, that is now TWO different iterations of Spider-Man that Sony wrecked due to their own incompetence and constant interference of the productions of these films.

Strike two!

While everyone has their own opinion of the MCU version of Spider-Man, I think most folks would agree that teaming up with Marvel and giving up on their Amazing Spider-Man universe was the right call for Sony. This led to Spider-Man being feature in three different films of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Spider-Man: Far From Home, and Spider-Man: No Way Home, the latter of which is one of the highest grossing films ever, along with notable appearances in the team-up Avengers movies such as Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War, and Avengers: Endgame. However, that didn’t necessarily stop Sony from trying to make Spider-Man related movies of their own.

Believe it or not, Sony actually committed to making at least one of the spin-off movies they were planning with The Amazing Spider-Man universe, which would turn out to be Venom released in 2018. And believe it or not, despite the bad reviews, it was a massive hit for mainstream audiences, grossing over 850 million dollars worldwide. It was the success of that film that motivated for Sony to do another try at their own cinematic universe but this time putting the spotlight on villains from Spider-Man’s rose gallery.

We got Venom: Let There Be Carnage in 2021 which was a decent hit at around 506 million dollars worldwide but definitely not as much as the first one made, then came Morbius which despite it being the most meme-worthy movie ever, got awful reviews and was a big bomb at the box office (even after it got re-released in theaters again due to the memes), and now there’s Madame Web which is set to do just as bad if not worse than Morbius, both critically and commercially. Now, that makes for three different iterations of Spider-Man related properties that Sony either screw up big time or drove it into the ground.

Strike three and you are out!

It’s also worth mentioning about the brief fallout between Sony and Marvel that happened right after Far From Home came out, which almost made No Way Home not happen in it’s current form. It was believed it was largely to do with Sony and Disney having differences on the amount of profit for upcoming Spider-Man films set within the MCU. It’s also believed that Sony was about to take back the character of Spider-Man himself until Tom Holland called up Bob Iger while drunk, pleading for him and Marvel to work out a deal with Sony to keep Spider-Man in the MCU. It’s unknown whether it’s Sony or Marvel that’s the true bad guy here, the fact that Sony almost lost ANOTHER version of Spider-Man would not have been a good sign on their part.

When you really get back onto to the major problems with Spider-Man medium since 2007, all of that can be traced back to Sony. From forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to in Spider-Man 3, to micromanaging the hell out of The Amazing Spider-Man movies with no real road map or goal in mind, to constantly making these pointless villain origin stories in the hopes it would connect to some version of Spider-Man later on down the road, Sony has had a real problem with the web head for quite a period of time. Sure, we have had Spider-Man (2002), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, and the Marvel’s Spider-Man video game series but all of those were clearly done in SPITE of Sony and not because of them.

And even if you want to include those mediums I just mentioned, I could also talk about how Sony basically rushed Insomniac to get Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 out by 2023 when they wanted to push it back to this year to add more polish and features to the game, which likely cost the GOTY awards for that game. Or about how Phil Lord and Chris Miller had to constantly rewrite the script for Across the Spider-Verse due to Sony’s constant interference on the production. Or how they are now butting heads with Marvel Studios for Spider-Man 4 because they would rather chase the success train of No Way Home by doing another multiverse movie instead of taking things down to the street-fighting levels that most fans want and build to another one later on down the road. If anything, the fact that any of those things turned out to be any good at all is simply a miracle.

And with the release of Madame Web that is set to crash and bomb at the box office, I think it’s time more than ever for Sony to give up all of their rights to Spider-Man and return them to Marvel. Aside from Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, Marvel’s Spider-Man 3 game, and MCU’s Spider-Man 4, there is nothing they have coming up that looks even remotely promising under their control, just with the partnership with other studios. Kraven the Hunter looks like another generic by-the-numbers villain origin film, Venom 3 will likely inherit the same problems of it’s predecessors and rely strictly on Tom Hardy’s star power to save the day, and who knows if those reported Miles Morales film, Spider-Women Spider-Verse film, and that Silk series will ever see the light of day. These all could be promising projects but I trust Sony to handle them well about as far as I can throw them.

Say what you will about the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but you can’t seriously tell me that they would do any worse with the full Spider-Man property than what Sony is doing right now with their villain-led cinematic universe. There’s no sign of passion or love from any off these movies coming from the cast and crew, only obligation and corporation. Just look at the press tour of Madame Web and how it’s cast and crew is openly throwing shade at the movie which they are a part off. I think even they know they made a mistake signing up because of Sony likely promising them something they never really meant.

Have there been great content under Sony’s license of Spider-Man? Absolutely! But with the current situation going on between them, Marvel, and the state of superhero movies in general, they can no longer be trusted with handling Spider-Man. They have have countless time to prove they can do Spider-Man related stories without Marvel or anyone else but they have failed spectacularly. The fact that they didn’t greenlight an Amazing Spider-Man 3 with Andrew Garfield and/or a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey Maguire after No Way Home but instead greenlighted Madame Webb and Kraven the Hunter is really all you need to know about the way they run things over there. Even they don’t know what they want for Spider-Man anymore.

Because of all that I’ve just mentioned and more, I think I speak for a large majority of Spider-Man fans out there by saying that it’s time for Spider-Man to come fully home to Marvel at long last.

Madame Web (2024) Movie Review- A Madame Webbing Time

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Here we go again, ladies and gentlemen! Time for another installment in the HOTTEST cinematic universe going on at the movie, the S(cam)ony Villain Cinematic Universe! It started off with a BANG with the turd in the wind that was Venom, followed with Venom: Let There Be Carnage which lived up to the promise of the post credits where Woody Harrleson said, “When I get out of here and I will, there’s gonna be CARNAGE!!!!“, and then came Morbius which offered one absolutely MORBIN TIME that had audiences stand and cheer in the theaters all around the world. Finally, we have Madame Web and as it’s title suggests, it’s the ultimate MADAME WEBBING EXPEREINCE!

Sure, the plot itself might be relatively non-existent, relying on the most unlikely coincidences, multiple continuity errors, bizarre contrivances, and absolute defiance of actual logic imaginable. Sure, it might contain some of the sloppiest and incoherent editing that you will likely see all year. Sure, the action might be very poor, with a climax that is so tense that you can’t even see what the f*ck is happening onscreen. Sure, it has a talented cast that could not look more embarrassed to be there and have been crapping all over this movie throughout their entire press tour. Sure, it feels like a superhero movie that came out in 2003 (which is the actual year which this movie is set in). And sure, the biggest line of the trailer, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died,” isn’t even in the damn movie at all. However, there is no other movie out there that is will give you a more MADAME WEBBING experience than this MADAME WEBBING masterwork!

I would go into the plot itself but considering the fact that it’s basically the plot of every Final Destination movie every and about every “chase” movie imaginable, it’s relatively pointless too. However, the big important thing here is the way that Madame Web MASTERFULLY ties into Sony’s Cinematic Universe. First off, it answers the two BIGGEST questions that EVERYONE has always had about Spider-Man! 1.) What was Uncle Ben doing in his years as a hot paramedic? and 2.) What happened the night that Peter Parker’s mother Mary, gave birth to him? I know that I was always wanting the answer to those questions and thankfully, the film answers that in a way that is so dumb that it’s secretly brilliant. The LAYERS this film has are just something else!

We of course have to get into the four leading women carrying the picture! They could not have had more perfect chemistry if they even tried. Even though the ways they are connected with each other is probably some of the biggest coincidences I’ve ever seen in an motion picture with relationship dynamics that make little to no sense (Mattie is angry as Anya for literally no reason throughout the entire movie!), it’s something so refreshing to see so many women leading a superhero flick! Sure, The Marvels was….okay I guess but Madame Web is really how a female-lead superhero film is suppose to be! You just let them work out their girl powers (No pun intended!) and let them kick ass in ways that are incoherent and hard to follow on screen. And unlike The Marvels which was a huge bomb, Madame Web is for sure set to make MADAME WEBBING DOLLARS!

And unlike say that woke Suicide Squad game that made me not want to wank off to Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman, Madame Web actually lets the ladies show off a little screen. With their nice hair, skin tight outfits, and absurd amount of make up that makes them look like models (despite them all suppose to be teenage girls that are really played by girls in their 20s), this is definitely a female-led movie that’s made for guys. After all, women in superhero media aren’t suppose to be their own fleshed out characters who have their own goals, personalities, and superpowers, they only exist to be in interest of men and men alone. Let women have Barbie! Way to know your audience, Sony!

Of course, this is all Dakota Johnson’s movie as it’s suppose to be considering well..it is a Madame Web movie that tells the origin story of Madame Web. I will warn you though, it’s an INCREDIBLY slow burn where nothing much happens and you’ll likely find yourself as half awake that Dakota Johnson looks in the entire movie. You get every single detail about Cassie Webb in her early days as a hot paramedic, right down to spending time with her cat and how she absurdly got her powers. Although, it doesn’t revolve around the Amazon with her mom when she was researching spiders right before she died, it does take it’s time to show off the same superpower over and over and over again because the writers can’t seem to think of any other clever way to show off her powers. It does require your patience but I promise you the whole ten seconds of her in that ICONIC red suit at the VERY end of the movie is all worth it.

And speaking of which, this movie does SUCH a good job as fleshing out these female characters that you don’t even notice that they aren’t even in their Spider-Women costumes for 99.999999% of the movie. From my estimate, the ladies have about as much screentime in their superHERoine outfits as Taylor Swift did in the Super Bowl, which was a mere 54 seconds btw. Even though the whole purpose of a superHERoine origin story is seeing them turn into a superHERoine at least by the half way point, this cleverly keeps it as minimum as possible, leaving the audience want more from the future. After all, as the good old saying goes, LESS is MORE! And you could have not done MORE with LESS than with this movie.

A big credit has to go to writing duo of Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless. Coming high off their MORBIN masterpiece that was Morbius, they somehow are able to top themselves here! They manage to come up with a script that feels like the most sloppy first copy of a draft imaginable, almost like the equivalent of writing things on the fly, and have it feel as disjointed of a film that I’ve ever seen. It’s GENIUS writing if I’ve ever seen one! This is the kind of duo that should be an inspiration to screenwriters everywhere! Because now you know you can have a script that has no coherent storyline or consistent character motivations in order to get a movie made!

We also have to get credit to S.J. Clarkson, making her directional film debut. Sure, she might have directed some okay episodes of Jessica Jones and The Defenders but she REALLY brought her A-game here. That might have to do with the fact that the film at large feels like a two-hour pilot for a television series that will likely NEVER see the light of day. With the way the low 80 million dollar budget is painfully on screen, how it has so many forced tie-ins at such a brisk pace, and how by the end, it leaves plenty of plot elements up in the air for future entries to continue upon, she could not have been a better choice for Sony. She was able to make a film that stood strictly on it’s own that it didn’t even need a post credit scene to justify it’s existence. Take notes, Disney and Marvel!

The cinematography is stunning with so much visual imagery that dives deeply into Cassie’s self conscious and her powers, the editing feels incredibly ADHD and feels more like it was edited by folks who do trailers rather than movies, the action is all over the place and sloppy like it’s main characters are, and the score is so one note you could swear that Johan Söderqvist was half awake the entire time composing it. And unlike other superhero flicks, it actually spares most of the CGI and saves it for it’s intense climax, with effects that look about as fake and green screen than any movie that I’ve seen in quite some time. An absolute A effort for everyone involved.

In conclusion, Madame Web truly lives up to it’s title and makes for a Madame Webbing time at the theaters. It’s so astonishing that it leaves me anxious to see where this ill-fated and not thought out at all cinematic universe is going. More importantly, which Spider-Man universe is this suppose to connect in? It was suppose to be Andrew Garfield but no one liked that whiny brat in the Amazing Spider-Man movies so pass. It was suppose to be Tom Holland until Sony realized that would make NO logical sense for this to take place in the MCU, so much so that they had to rewrite the entire script while shooting. And with the way Peter Parker is born in this movie, it leaves the room for ANOTHER Spider-Man to join this universe in the future.

Even so, we got Kick-Ass/the inferior Quicksilver coming up as Kraven the Hunter in August and Bane/Mad Max in Venom 3 coming out in October. There’s PLENTY of content we have left to get through before the inevitable Sinister Six movie happens and Sony makes up their mind on whatever Spider-Man they want to join this universe. With this cinematic universe clearly not slowing down any time soon, I think Marvel Studios and DC should be taking notes here. This is how you do a cinematic universe!

Madame Webbing Web made for one Madame Webbing time and I can’t wait to see this film madame webbing again.

This is an easy four out of stars for me! Move over Dune Part II and Deadpool III, THIS is the movie of 2024!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Especially you, Sony! Keep up the madame webbing work!

Thanks for checking out my review! I sure hope it was as sloppy and all over the place as this entire film was!

Real thoughts:

This movie is undoubtedly the most fascinating mess of a movie that I’ve seen in quite some time, feeling more like a POC than an actual feature film. It’s certainly more competently made than say….Morbius but it feels as ever bit as much of an obligation to make as that. I might have to make a piece on this soon but after Beyond the Spider-Verse, Sony really needs to give the film rights of Spider-Man back to Marvel. These villain movies are becoming more and more nonsensical by the day. It’s clear that audiences don’t want to see them as much as Sony doesn’t want to make them! So, stop doing it, please!

Maybe a one and a half out of four stars if I’m being generous.

Probably will change it to one out of four stars once I sleep on it though!

Also, this is still the GOAT Madame Web btw!

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!

Most Anticipated Movies of 2024

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2023 is now officially over which mean it’s now time to roll into 2024! And what better way to kick off the early part of January then to share what new films I’m looking forward to the most in 2014.

I’ll be straight up honest with you, there’s not very many films that I’m over the moon excited to see this year. If anything, there’s not so much movies I’m excited for and more movies that I’m CURIOUS for. When viewing the 2024 movie release slate as a whole, you can definitely tell it’s been largely affected by the multiple strikes that took place throughout the course of 2023, causing many film releases to be paused or delayed entirely. Because of that there’s so many films set to come out this year as we speak that we literally know NOTHING about. Perhaps there will be smaller films under my radar or even brand new big films that I have ZERO excitement for will win me over but for now, I’m going into 2024 with pretty pedestrian expectations for what it will bring us in terms of films.

That being said, I still do have ten movies this year that I do have interest in and more likely will check them out around the time that they release.

FYI, I will NOT be including Dune: Part Two on this list because that was already on last year’s list. Considering that only got move backed due to the writers strike along with the fact that was on my list from last year, I don’t need to remind you again that I am legit excited for that movie.

First off, I have a five honorable mentions.

Honorable Mentions:

  • Argylle

We see Matthew Vaughn returning to the spy action genre once again with a stacked cast and an original premise that will hopefully bring a good spin on the genre as we know it. Hopefully, Vaughn is able to recapture that lightning in a bottle he did with Kingsman: The Secret Service and avoid the trappings that brought down Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

  • Ballerina

With The Continental acting as the first spin-off series in the John Wick universe, Ballerina will act as the first spin-off film set in the John Wick universe, taking place between Chapter Two and Three. It will star Ana De Armas as a ballerina named Rooney, a character from Chapter 3 but has been recast, seeking revenge by hunting down the murder of her family. If done well, this has potential to expand upon the John Wick franchise in interesting ways, even without it’s titled main character. And if you saw her brief cameo in No Time To Die, you would know that Ms. Armas is more than capable of handling an action role.

  • Borderlands

After returning to his roots last year with Thanksgiving, Eli Roth is taking his next step a year later with the newest video game film adaption in Borderlands. Even with the increase in quality over the years, video game adaptions are still something to be very cautious over. Even so, there’s a lot of notable names in the cast here with Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Jamie Lee Curtis and Eli Roth is the master at making over-the-top bloody gore fests. With the correct rating, this could at worst be a relatively fun time and make for perhaps the goriest video game movie we’ve ever seen!

  • Joker: Folie à Deux

This is one that I’m more CURIOUS about than EXCITED. Even as someone that enjoyed the first Joker but wasn’t jumping off the roof over it, I don’t think it was a film that warranted a sequel. But because the first one made a billion dollars, we see Todd Phillips returning for a follow-up which will see the origin of Harley Quinn played by Lady Gaga and is said to have a more “musical” vibe to it. I have no clue if this will work or not but no doubt I will be there day one to see how this whole thing will play out. This is a bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off!

  • Nosferatu

More than just his cameos in Spongebob Squarepants, Nosfreatu will be a modern remake of the 1922 original starring Bill Skarsgard himself with Robert Eggers (The Lighthouse, The Northman) taking directing duties. Eggers has been a director that has just entered my radar and I’m profoundly interested to see if he can pull off a high quality remake of a film that is now over 100 years old.

Now, here we go with the main top three!

10.) The Fall Guy

The summer movie season of 2024 is not kicking off with yet another Marvel superhero movie but with a fresh action thriller with The Fall Guy, acting as an adaption of the 1980s tv series. We get to see Ryan Gosling acting as a daredevil stuntman that becomes a reluctant investigator to save his ex-girlfriend’s film. David Leitch has easily grown accustomed to the action genre with his work on John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2, Hobbs & Shaw, and Bullet Train and he looks to continue that even further with The Fall Guy. Even if it’s technically not an “original” film, this looks like it will be a nice change of pace for summer blockbusters and shown it’s more than just an overreliance on superhero or franchise installments.

9.) Kung Fu Panda 4

There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical about a Kung Fu Panda 4. It’s rare to see three straight franchise films in a row to be as consistently good as they are (even if Kung Fu Panda 3 was a step down from the first two) and it’s even rarer for a fourth film to top or even match that level of quality. However, if there’s one thing you should learn by now when it comes to Kung Fu Panda, it’s to NEVER judge a book by it’s cover. Here we will see Po accepting his new role as the Spiritual Leader of the Valley of Peace while passing on the role of the Dragon Warrior to someone else. With a new set of characters such as Zhen (Awkwafina), Han (Ke Huy Quan), and the brand new antagonist the Chameleon (Viola Davis) along with old familiar foes set to return such as Tai Lung (Ian McShane), Kung Fu Panda 4 looks to act as a culmination of the entire Kung Fu Panda series up to this point. Just please make sure the Furious Five come back in some way, shape, or form!

8.) Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Maybe this is recent bias, but after being on cloud nine with Godzilla: Minus One, I can’t help but be more excited for some more action with the King of Monsters. This looks set to be a rematch between Godzilla and King Kong himself, with the two facing a new global threat that will challenge their very existence and the survival of the human race. Based off the marketing and trailers we’ve seen thus far, Adam Wingard seems dead set on promising a gorgeous, action-packed spectacle featuring the two titled characters that everyone is looking to see along with perhaps something more than that. While it will be hard to top Minus One, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is certain to be a genuine crowd pleaser that will be able to expand the brand of these two beloved monsters, allowing their legacies to expand even further.

7.) A Quiet Place: Day One

After two excellent entries in this latest horror franchise, A Quiet Place: Day One will act as a spin-off prequel, showcasing the earlier days of when the worldlike apocalypse in this universe occurred that whipped off the majority of the human population. With Michael Sarnoski taking over for directing duties over John Krasinski, he will look to provide new and inventive ways to deliver clever scares and unique set pieces along with expanding upon the mythology of this franchise even further. I never would have guessed a horror series that has quite a paper-thin premise on paper could get me excited for multiple entries but if they can keep delivering films that are this well made, acted, and engaging, then I will happily take more of them.

6.) Inside Out 2

There is a strong argument to be made that the original Inside Out was objectively the very best Pixar film ever made. It was an animated film that did everything it could with it’s special premise and delivered a stellar motion picture about emotions and feelings and the importance of every notable one of them. With the first film tackling the days of little Riley as a young girl, the second film looks to take a step even further and show Riley going through her days as a teenager. With the new emotion of anxiety and a few others entering this film, we are likely to get a deep dive into the mindset of a young teenage girl going through her own personal struggles. As much as people have been overly critical with the amount of sequels that Pixar has developed over the years, Inside Out 2 is one that has more than enough material on paper to justify it’s existence. If they can make this work, I’ll take more sequels as there is plenty of stories to tell with the entire concept of these movies.

5.) Mickey 17

This is not necessarily one that I know most about or what the actual title of Mickey 17 is suppose to mean. However, there’s one name attached to this project that’s more than enough to me excited for this film to come out. That being no other than the director of Bong Joon-ho. Acting as a follow-up to his Oscar-winning masterpiece of Parasite (*insert angry incel anti-woke fanboy*), Mickey 17 will act as an adaption based off the 2022 novel Mickey 7 and will star the current Batman himself in Robert Pattinson. Would Mickey 17 be this high on the list or even on the list at well if it weren’t for the cast and crew behind this? Probably not. But sometimes, that is more than enough to convince you that it will be worth checking out or at least be a worthwhile quality piece of art.

4.) Deadpool 3

Acting as the only cinematic entry to be released in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Deadpool 3 will be looking to add the humor, charm, and violence that made the first two movies so good and be able to deliver them in new, satisfying ways. With Hugh Jackman coming out of retirement as Wolverine (in the classic Wolverine suit at long LAST) along with potential other well-known X-Men characters joining the party with longtime actors reprising their roles, I wouldn’t be surprised if Deadpool 3 ends up being to Deadpool what No Way Home was to Spider-Man in acting as a celebration of prior Marvel movies. If done well, this can serve as a delicious appetizer and gets everyone excited for the next main course that will be the upcoming Avengers movies, most notably Secret Wars. Oh, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Taylor Swift have a role in some way. After all, you gotta get that few extra bucks from the Swifties.

3.) Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

Approaching the 10 year anniversary of the action movie masterwork that was Mad Max: Fury Road (can’t believe it’s ALREADY been nine years), George Miller returns once again to this post-apocalyptic world which he helped created but with a prequel that puts the spotlight on the latest action heroine icon from Fury Road in Imperator Furiosa, played this time around by Anya Taylor Joy. With this being reported to be in the works for several years now, this is clearly a passion project for Miller himself and wants to give everything he has to do it. While it does look more CGI-ish compared to Fury Road, if Furiosa is able to at least capture a quarter of the magic that 2015 game changer did with it’s stunts, action, visual storytelling, and emotional depth, then it may just continue the Mad Max franchise even further, with hope that the long in development installment, Mad Max: The Wasteland, might see the light of day. Even so, I’m just at least happy to be able to spend more time in this universe.

2.) Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

In an age where most newest installments in long-running franchises are uneven and inconsistent in terms of quality, who would’ve guess that it’s the recent run of Planet of the Apes movies that is ahead of the curve in that regard. Coming off a hugely successful three-movie run with Rupert Wyatt and Matt Reeves that told the complete story of Caesar, the baton has been passed to Wes Ball for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Set 300 years after the events of War for the Planet of the Apes, ape civilizations have emerged higher than ever while the human population is now at it’s absolute lowest, with the focus now on a young ape named Noa and a young human girl named Mae. If the quality of the first three rebooted ape movies is anything to go by, I would expect Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is to be yet another amazing accomplishment with motion capture and visual storytelling along with getting one step closer to the events of the original 1968 Planet of the Apes where it’s completely ape dominated. Between this and Furiosa, Memorial Day weekend is sure to be one strong weekend for films.

1.) Sonic the Hedgehog 3

Do I expect this to be the best movie of 2024? No! Is there a strong chance that this will likely be the worst of the anticipated films I’ve mentioned? Yes! But at the same time, I can’t help but have my mind set on Sonic the Hedgehog 3 more than any other upcoming movie this year. Maybe it’s due to the fact that the prior two Sonic the Hedgehog movies were honestly more or less the Sonic movies I’ve always dreamed off as a kid but Sonic 3 has a chance to not just set a new standard for video game movies but possibly make Sonic popular than he ever has been before. With it set to introduce fan-favorite character Shadow the Hedgehog, possible well known Sonic characters such as Amy Rose and Rouge the Bat might get thrown into the mix, seeing how the Sonic lore is more expanded upon, and even just seeing how the main trio grow as characters, Sonic 3 just seems set to be an absolute blast for Sonic fans, video game fans, and everyday moviegoers alike. We might not know the exact plot synopsis quite yet or even who is going to be cast as Shadow the Hedgehog. However, the build up and anticipation to it’s holiday release of Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is what I’m looking forward to the most throughout the majority of 2024. I don’t expect this to win an Oscar or even be my absolute favorite of the year, but the inner child in me is what make Sonic the Hedgehog 3 my most anticipated film of the year!

As for other big movies coming out this year:

  • I saw Night Swim early. It kinda stinks and is pretty much the exact definition of a January horror movie. Don’t expect another pleasant surprise like M3GAN from it.
  • There’s another Mean Girls coming out that acts as more of a musical than an actual remake. Hopefully, it’s not another Mean Girls 2.
  • Madame Web seems set to be a Madame Webbing time (Did I do that right?).
  • Love Lies Bleeding looks like it will be every Sapphics wet dream.
  • Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire was another holdover from 2023 but from the trailers, it looks like yet another reminder about how Hollywood has completely forgot what made Ghostbusters special.
  • Rebel Moon: Part Two might fix the flaws of Part One but either Netflix needs to learn how to properly release their feature films or Zack Snyder needs to learn how to release a proper film in it’s actual cut released for theaters and streaming.
  • There’s a new Universal monster movie set to star Melissa Barrera, the actress who just got fired from Scream due to voicing her support from Palestine. That alone is enough for me to show my support!
  • Alex Garland’s Civil War seems set to be the most controversial film of 2024 in both the best and worst ways possible. Just please let this be closer in quality to Ex Machina and Annihilation and NOT Men.
  • There’s another Strangers film coming with The Strangers: Chapter 1 for fans of that series. I’m not really one of them.
  • An animated Garfield film is also coming on Memorial Day alongside Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes and Furiosa. It looks cute but why does Chris Pratt got to be in every animated movie nowadays?
  • Bad Boys 4 might still be a thing this year, assuming the whole world has gotten covered Will Smith’s Oscar slap.
  • Despicable Me 4 is happening because….I guess the kids still love minions.
  • Twisters is an upcoming disaster film with the director of Minari. That could be good.
  • M. Night Shyamalan has another movie set with Trap. And even his daughter has a new movie as well. Let’s see how those turn out!
  • Horizon: An American Saga is getting Chapters 1 and 2 in the same year directed by Kevin Costner no less. Could be interesting!
  • Alien, Lord of the Rings, and The Karate Kid are getting new films this year believe it or not but we literally know NOTHING about them whatsoever.
  • Gladiator and Beetlejuice are getting sequels….for some reason.
  • Kraven the Hunter movie is still a thing….for some reason. Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 game pretty much already has that beat by a mile.
  • Transformers One could be yet another surprisingly enjoyable or just okay Transformers movie that will likely underperform at the box office because the world is still recovering from Bayformers or even misses it.
  • Wolfs is the next film from prior Spider-Man director, Jon Watts. We’ll see how that goes.
  • Saw XI and Smile 2 are coming because of how successful the last Saw and first Smile was.
  • Venom 3 will likely be another film which will help Sony continue to destroy the last remaining will that superhero movies still have. At least Tom Hardy will still be run, right?
  • Red One is an upcoming Christmas adventure with The Rock and Chris Evans because….of course.
  • Wicked: Part One will be a newest musical fantasy adaption that I may check out if the reviews are good enough.
  • And of course, Disney is releasing Mufasa: The Lion King, which will likely be another bad or underwhelming Disney live-action remake that pales in comparison to the original. Barry Jenkins is WAY too talented of a director for this!