Ranking The Films of Denis Villeneuve

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This weekend saw the release of one of the most highly anticipated movies of the year with Dune: Part Two, directed by the one and only Denis Villeneuve. With that film expecting to be the biggest hit of 2024 thus far, what better time than any to rank all 11 films that have come from the great Villeneuve himself.

Denis Villeneuve is an interesting name when it comes to well known modern filmmakers. While he may not be as big of a household name such as Steven Spielberg or Christopher Nolan, he still does seem to be common favorite among film lovers, as he seems to always nail it when given the most pressure to do so. Even there are those that don’t care for his work or are currently high rolling at comments he’s made involving the push for longer films and film dialogue being devalued, they have to respect all the man has been able to accomplish thus far in his career.

With Dune: Part Two now out in theaters, the man has directed 11 motion pictures thus far. It’s time to take a look back at each one and see how each one ranks among the other. This is my best to worst ranking of the films directed by Denis Villeneuve!

11.) August 32nd on Earth

Denis Villeneuve’s weakest film thus far just so happens to be his very first one. There is a compelling and moving story hidden somewhere within August 32nd on Earth, a story about how times flies by quicker than one would expect and we will just never accomplish all the things we want to do throughout our lifetime. However, you can tell this is when Villeneuve was still trying to get his foot through the door and let his voice be realized on screen. The journey the characters are going through can’t quite match up with the overall scope of it along with not being able to stick the landing. It’s no disaster by any means but this is when the man’s unique filmmaking techniques had yet to be ironed out. That being said, you know you have gone to places when your worst film is the very first one that you have made.

10.) Maelstorm

Well, here’s the movie that’s about the most WTF thing imaginable when saying it out loud. We follow a young business woman named Bibianne who kills a fishmonger in a accident, disposes of the body, and then proceed to fall in love with the dead man’s soon. Oh, and it also happens to be narrated by a talking fish. Even when describing the main premise, Maelström is actually a simple pyschological thriller and has that mix of suspense and black comedy that not many of Villeneuve’s movies have. There are times where those two tones clash with one another but it’s worth a watch for yourself just to see if you are able to get into what it possibly the craziest thing that Villeneuve has ever done. I’m sure the narrating fish would approve.

9.) Polytechnique

Here’s the one Denis Villeneuve film that is based off a true story. Polytechinque dives into the 1989 massacre of students at Montreal’s Ecole Polytechinque, which saw the death of 14 women. Villenueve’s attempt to tell this tragic and haunting tale through three different points of views is ambitious but is lead to mixed results. While putting the spotlight on topics surrounding women’s trouble roles in society and reckoning with violence is admirable and done relatively well, the black-and-white visual style leaves the film feeling much flatter than most of Villeneuve’s films. Although, considering we are still having controversial debates surrounding the subject matter of this film literally 35 years later is deeply sad on the real world’s part. Even so, Polytechinque is able to set the stages for Villeneuve’s best French-language film, Incendies, later on down the road, which helps make this feel like a nice beginning of the end of his run with French-language films.

8.) Enemy

Here’s the film that is most remembered for it’s absolute effed up ending. We see Jake Gyllenhaal playing two different characters named Adam and Anthony, with the two becoming intertwined in each other’s lives and at literal war within themselves. Enemy acts as far in a way the most ambiguous film in Denis Villeneuve’s library, offering more questions than answers as to what version that Jake Gyllenhall is suppose to be the real person in the story. And of course, who can forget that ending which definitely left plenty of viewers tangled in webs, quite literally. I still can’t 100% say if Enemy works the way it was intended but it certainly kept me thinking all the way through which I imagine was it’s true goal. I’m sure Spider-Man would be proud with this one!

7.) Sicario

Here’s the film that saw Thanos and the Wolfman needing the help of Mary Poppins to fight Mexican drug cartels. In all seriousness, Sicario is a rock solid film that makes for probably the one film in Denis Villeneuve’s filmography thus far that can be seen as a straight up action film. The entire cast is fantastic here with the notable standouts including Benedict del Toro being completely terrifying as Alejandro Gillick, Jon Bernthal being as brutal and intense here as he is as the Punisher, Josh Brolin being reliably good as Matt, and Emily Blunt standing strongly as the lead and lone female presence of the picture. Credit also has to go to the masterful editing, gorgeous cinematography, and action sequences that are among the best of Villeneuve’s career. It’s rather inconsistently paced and the story itself is among the most conventional of Villeneuve’s films but Sicario is still damn good regardless. The fact this is in the middle-of-the-pack in this rankings says more about this director’s impressive track record than it does to devalue the true quality of this film.

6.) Dune: Part One

The first chapter of Villeneuve’s sci-fi adaptations of Frank Herbert’s work of Dune is a remarkable and impressive visual achievement that was made for the big screen. With it’s enormous scale, diverse cast, and world building like we haven’t seen before in recent memory, this sci-fi epic is just ready to insert itself into every book of “movies you must watch before you die” imaginable! Even after how impressive Part Two delivers, Dune: Part One still can’t help of getting too wrap up of being the first part of a story with pacing that feels a tad too slow and the overall feeling of the best still having yet to come. Even so, Dune is still able to accomplish feeling like a modern day Star Wars the way is has been hyped up to be and is practically destined to become the next big sci-fi epic that Hollywood will desperately try to copy and replicate with iffy results.

5.) Incendies

Among the last of the foreign released films in Villeneuve’s rose gallery, Incendies is still more than welcome in being the top five on this list. This is the film that pulls absolutely zero punches whatsoever and doesn’t shy away from the harsh realism of society. You think everything is going to be alright for one moment and then the rug will be pulled right from under your feet. Villeneuve is able to continue that bleak and complex storytelling that he is well known for along with providing what is hands down the best twist out of any of the films he’s done. Even once you know what it is, it will still be on your mind days after seeing it. Big credit also has to go to Melissa Desormeaux-Poulin with her emotionally powerful performance that helps carry the film. Even with all of his other dark and moody films on display, I don’t think there is a film that Denis Villeneuve has made that has haunt me the way Incendies did.

4.) Blade Runner 2049

I don’t think there is a sequel that seemed like the definition of a bad idea than Blade Runner. The original was a sci-fi epic that was way ahead of it’s time and had multiple different ending that did not demand a follow-up. However, Villeneuve makes what seemed like a near impossible task seem easy as Blade Runner 2049 acts as a more than worthy companion piece to the original Blade Runner. It’s able to expand upon it’s ideas and concepts of the original surrounding identity and purpose while showcasing some of the most impressive visuals and cinematography ever put to film. Ryan Gosling is able to carry the film completely as Officer K and Harrison Ford’s return as Rick Deckard is perhaps even more satisfying than his return as Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Also, Ana De Armas might be objectively the most beautiful woman on the planet! I could have done with a shorter length and without Jared Leto’s presence whatsoever, but Blade Runner 2049 is still a great case of a dangerous stunt being performed perfectly. Even if Denis Villeneuve ultimately regrets taking the mantle from Ridley Scott’s original cult classic, this is still an example of a legacy sequel done right and he should have nothing to be ashamed about the end results of this whatsoever.

3.) Prisoners

For many film fans out there, this was likely their first exposure to Denis Villeneuve. Prisoners is a dark, bleak and depressing look on child abduction and parents facing their absolute worst fear of losing their only children. Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhal give incredible performances here, Roger Deakin’s cinematography is absolutely impeccable, and the mystery behind who kidnap their children is able to keep you guessing and have you on the edge of your seat the entire way through. Btw, NO, the ending is NOT ambiguous and should be common knowledge that it got resolved! Even with a runtime of two hours and thirty three minutes, Prisoners makes for an incredibly intense and gripping thriller that will have viewers understand the bleak reality of parents not always being there for their kids and the lengths they will go through to save them. This was admittedly my first Denis Villeneuve film that I watched and man, what an introduction that was!

2.) Dune: Part Two

If Dune: Part One acted as Villeneuve setting the training wheels on his bike in motion, Dune: Part Two sees him being able to successfully take those training wheels off and pushed that bike down the hill with good graces. Nearly all that set up that amounted in Part One has immensely satisfying pay offs in Part Two. The action and set pieces are taking to a whole new level, every single member of it’s talented, stacked cast get their own moment to shine, the cinematography is absolutely jaw dropping and makes the IMAX experience 100% worth it, and it’s able to push all the right buttons on making a perfect sequel, instantly comparable to the likes of The Empire Strikes Back, The Two Towers, and The Dark Knight. This is an instant sci-fi classic that will likely go down as one of the best cinematic experiences that I along with others will have all throughout 2024. Even if it’s not quite my favorite film of Villeneuve, Dune: Part Two will likely go on to be his most successful film to date and one that shall get the attention of the remaining moviegoing audience that aren’t yet familiar with his name.

1.) Arrival

It’s quite fascinating how Villeneuve’s recent comments about how he encourages longer films nowadays and doesn’t encourage dialogue in films when perhaps his best film to date is Arrival, a film that’s not only a slim 116 minutes long but is the best film about language that I’ve ever seen. Despite those odd comments, this still remains one of the best, riveting, complex, and most emotionally satisfying sci-fi films I’ve seen in the past decade. A film that at it’s heart is not only about language and communication but also about the whole world coming together to prevent the worst possible outcome between the human race and extraterrestrial intelligence and encouraging only the best one imaginable. Amy Adams gives an absolutely powerhouse performance alongside her fellow cast members, Denis Villeneuve’s direction has never been better than it has been here, it’s exploration of communication and how to respond to other alien species is fantastic, and it has one of the most beautiful scores for a film I’ve ever heard. Plus, if you don’t get a little misty eyed by the end, you are a robot. Brilliantly directed, written, and acted, Arrival is Denis Villeneuve’s best film to date and one of the best sci-fi films I’ve ever seen period.

About Chris Stuckmann’s Madame Web “Review”

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I never thought I would be doing ANOTHER piece talking about Madame Web. As a matter of fact, it was around the time that Chris Stuckmann posted his Madame Web “review” that I posted my piece on why it’s time for Sony to give Spider-Man back to Marvel. And it’s around the time of writing of which Bob Chipman, A.K.A. Moviebob, just uploaded his take on this trivial matter that I’m about to do my take on.

In all seriousness, Madame Web came out last month and was universally panned across the board by professional critics and those that actually had the guts to watch that turd in the wind in theaters. And while there has been stupid discourse over the financial bombing and lackluster quality of that movie, most notably that the sole reason it failed is because female led superhero stories don’t work because….women, the most obnoxious that I’m still seeing back and forth on social media weeks later is on Chris Stuckmann’s take on the movie, or most notably about the studio politics and behind the scenes drama surrounding it.

In case you don’t know who Chris Stuckmann is, he’s been known as one of the main film critics on YouTube since around 2010. He would do reviews on the latest movies that are playing in cinemas, video analyses of certain key films, and specific videos talking about the state of cinema in general. Outside of Jeremy Jahns, he’s probably been the biggest and most influential movie reviewer on YouTube for the majority of the 2010s.

However for the past few years, Chris had been working to become a professional film director, making his feature length film debut with a project titled Shelby Oaks. In 2021, he announced on his channel that he will stop doing videos where he critiques film to take his first few steps into filmmaking and now mainly uses his channel to discuss films that he actually enjoys.

For longtime viewers, this felt like a decision that was long coming. Even before semi-retiring as a film critic, he has stated constantly that he doesn’t enjoy dogpiling on movies due to how that negative mindset has impacted the state of film criticism on the internet, so much so that he stopped doing worst movies of the years lists after 2017. That right there practically gave you a direction of where his head was at for his future on YouTube. Not to mention, making a platform out of showing love and passion for film and NOT contempt seems like the logical way to go for someone who is working to become a filmmaker. Considering we all live in a time where negativity attracts the most attention on the internet, especially in regards to entertainment, it does seems like a refreshing change of pace for someone as big as Chris Stuckmann to use his popularity to support the good side of cinema instead of always fueling fire with the bad.

However, shortly after Madame Web came out, Chris decided to make a video talking about it. It wasn’t so much about the quality of the film itself but more of what likely went on from behind the camera and the film production at Sony Pictures. And because of that, the internet didn’t react so kindly to that video.

Most were outraged at the fact that Chris didn’t make the whole video about tearing down Madame Web and swearing off everyone involved with that movie. There were those that claimed he’s only doing that to save face in case he one day gets a shot on working on a major franchise with a major studio. While I can understand an argument or two on that, the majority of the response what I’m seeing is the fact that people are angry with the fact that Chris himself didn’t do an angry rant on the movie where he’s constantly shouting and isn’t joining along with the rest of the internet to tear an obvious bad movie down a new a**hole. And what I say to that is, you all need to CHILL THE F**K OUT!

First off, never once in that video does Chris claim that he wanted to do a review on Madame Web. As I mentioned before, his main goal with his channel is to celebrate good films instead of tearing down bad films like the majority of the internet does with anything nowadays. Why in the world would he make an exception with Madame Web? Because everyone else is doing it?! Because it’s a Marvel/superhero movie?! Because it’s a female led movie?!?! What would be the point of him doing that? Doing a negative review on that is no longer in his character so why would he feel compelled to do that?!?!

Heck, he literally states at the beginning of the video that it is NOT a review of Madame Web and there’s plenty of other folks out there that have reviews for it for everyone else to read, watch, or listen to. That right there should have given you all the info you need to know that is NOT a review of Madame Web, assuming the title of the video didn’t give that away entirely.

For anyone that actually bothers to watch the entire video instead of an out of context clip on Twitter and Facebook, you would know that Chris himself just wanted to give an insight has to how the film industry operates when it comes to most of the bigger franchises IPs out there. Now that he is within the industry and likely has associates who have worked on some of these franchise IPs, he now has a bigger understanding as to how things tend to work in the film business.

The whole point of a video is to put a spotlight on corporations like Sony and how they basically have control and say over how their big films go. In that, it’s not always on the cast and crew for why a product turns out so bad, it’s on the studios and their constant micromanagement of said film. Because at the end of the day, they are the ones that greenlight a movie and have totally say onto how things should go doing production of said film. What is so wrong with stating something so INCREDIBLY obvious?

As I mentioned in my piece about Sony last month, all you have to do is look at the treatment they have been giving our favorite web swinger since 2007 to prove Chris’s points. They are the ones that wrecked Spider-Man 3 by forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to. They are the ones that drove the Amazing Spider-Man film series into the ground by over budgeting, overplanning, and not having a proper direction for that franchise. They are the ones that are making these unnecessary Spidey villain origin stories that no one is asking for. And if reports are true, they are the ones that are rushing MCU’s Spider-Man 4 to get it out by next year despite the MCU being too packed in 2025 and they likely don’t even have a finished script for it yet. Who do you think is more at fault with the results of those movies mentioned? The cast and crew of those pictures or Sony themselves? If you say Sony, then congratulations you got the point of Chris’s video!

The thing is I’m sure all of us would KILL to do a Spider-Man movie if we were given the opportunity to do so. We all have our own version of Spider-Man that we would love to share with others all over the world. However, even when you get a chance to work on one, there’s a good chance that vision will not match the studios. As I mentioned before, they are the ones that chose the direction to go and whether or not your vision is the one they want. And if they refuse, you either have to sit down, shut up, and do what they say or you would just quit entirely. This is a real world we live in and the studios won’t just hand over their massive franchises over to you and let you do what they want just because. They have to approve of everything.

In the case of Madame Web, Sony are the ones that approved the quality of that mess, not director S.J. Clarkson or writers Kerem Sanga, Claire Parker, Matt Sazama, and Burk Sharpless. Sony could have said “No!” to the movie they made and have it reworked into a better film but they didn’t. However, because the majority of people that watch said film don’t know how big movies are made, they just put the full blame on the cast and crew for the outcome of the movie they saw and NOT on the studio that greenlighted it. Because of that, it’s the creative team behind the movie that will suffer the great casualties from Madame Web and NOT Sony Pictures! Once again, this is what Chris Stuckmann was talking about!

And even if all of this has NOTHING to do with the video, why do you need ANOTHER review that’s just nonstop bashing Madame Web?! You already have hundreds to thousands other YouTubers for you to do that, as stated by Chris at the literal START OF THE VIDEO! You have mainstream critics that panned the hell out of the movie, so much so that it will likely go down as one of the worst reviewed films of 2024. You have an audience that didn’t bother to go and see it and Sony will likely lose a TON of money as a result. This is the equivalent of kicking a horse that’s already dead! Just stop! THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE!

I do want to make something clear that I am NOT against film criticism. Even in an age where we have YouTubers making overlong and tedious movie reviews that talk about how said film is “OBJECTIVELY BAD!” which is non stop nitpicking with the mindset of a CinemaSins doppelganger, I do think critical feedback is important in the hopes of more quality films in the future. However, I don’t think Chris Stuckmann contradicts that because quite simply, he is no longer the man to go to in this regard. He himself has confirmed that and everyone has to simply expect that now.

I can maybe understand if you used to watch Chris Stuckmann and weren’t aware of his more friendly turn to discussing films that you might have an initial negative reaction to this. However, for those that have known this since 2021, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? Another bad review of Madame Web isn’t going to change anything since there’s already been a million of them since the movie came out. It’s like the equivalent of picking up on the poor nerdy kid in school who has no friends and is constantly being picked on. Everyone else is doing it so that means I should do it too! If that’s the mindset everyone has in regards to this, then that just goes to show you how far proper film discourse has fallen.

The vile reaction to Chris’s video is just more proof of different times we live in now. Gone are the days where a film is loved and acclaimed by everyone with an occasional contrarian or two. Gone are the days where we can have a simple discussion and explain why a certain film just doesn’t work. Gone are the days where we can even make simple videos about how simply making a film is not as black and white as it seems. Now, it’s just going on and on about how “woke” or “anti-woke” a certain film is and whether or not it fits into one’s preferred political parties’ “agenda” or gives more ammunition in this so-called “cultural war”. It’s just stupid discourse after stupid discourse with no end in sight.

If you disagree with Chris Stuckmann’s take on what might have gone wrong behind the scenes with Madame Web, that’s fine. If you preferred when he was a film critic and had no problem with critiquing films, that is fine too. But if you are someone that is mad with the fact he is not joining along with every big name YouTuber in making Madame Web their whipping boy (or in the case of this movie, whipping girl) of the moment, then that says more about you than it does for Chris.

The funniest thing about this all is that Chris himself makes it perfectly clear that he did not enjoy Madame Web whatsoever. He might not directly say that but if you just read between the lines, it’s painfully obvious he agrees with 99.99% of the population in that Madame Web is a bad movie. The fact that people are angry at him anyway is the real master stroke on this sick cesspool we call film discourse in the year 2024!

And I am SO not prepared as to how Kung Fu Panda 4 will fare into all of this complete BS!

Come to think about it, perhaps that’s why DreamWorks hasn’t bothered to properly market that movie. Even they know that if too many people are aware of its existence, then Po’s next movie will too will get needlessly dragged or roped into this pointless war surrounding entertainment. Po is innocent and deserves so much better than what grifters or the “woke” crowd are gonna force him into by next week.

If only Roger Ebert was still around. He would find a way to stop all of this nonsense!

Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016) Retrospective- Finding Your Inner Chi

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Well, I’d be skadoosh-ed! It’s already been EIGHT years since the last film installment of the Kung Fu Panda series came out. Of course, that will change very soon with the release of Kung Fu Panda 4 coming next month but that once again showcases just how fast time can really fly! To top off this Legend of Awesomeness marathon, let’s take a look at Kung Fu Panda 3!

Kung Fu Panda 3 has had a rather complicated response when it comes to the fans of the series. There are those that view it as the perfect culmination of the series thus far, there are those that view it as the Return of the Jedi of the original Kung Fu Panda trilogy, i.e. a solid B+ follow-up to A++ predecessors, and there are those that view it as a major disappointment, believing that it was basically a rehash of the first two movies and it felt too dumb down for little kids. While I can understand all possible view points, I think it’s a bit more complicated than that.

The criticisms that I’ve heard of this movie are relatively fair. It does have an overdose of child friendly humor, it has a much more lighthearted tone compared to the first two films, and it’s not nearly as good as the first two films. However, the main point I’ve come to disagree with in regards to this film is those that claim that this is just a rehash of the previous two films and offers nothing new on its own. That could not be anything further from the truth. Yes, there are similarities here and there but that’s always going to be the case the further you go along with the series. The main thing Kung Fu Panda 3 has going for it compared to the first two is seeing Po not just turning into his own Kung Fu master but he is able to turn into that version of himself that he always dreamed off, most notably the dream we saw at the beginning of the first film. How is he able to accomplish that? Well, by mastering chi of course.

For those that don’t know what chi is, chi is basically like the Kung Fu Panda equivalent of the force in Star Wars. To what Shifu describes in a very Obi-Wan Kenobi way, chi is a life force energy that can be found in all living things. It surrounds us, it penetrates us; it binds kung fu together. In all seriousness, it can act as a power for kung fu. It can be used to stimulate life, heal living beings, or grow flora. Most importantly, this is the one power that Master Oogway himself hoped the Dragon Warrior would one day unlock. Not just to prove himself to be the mighty dragon warrior that can enter the gates of what is basically the Kung Fu Panda equivalent of heaven but he can pass the mantle of the mystic staff to the next Kung Fu Warrior who is worthy of it. This acts as the next step in Po’s journey but how exactly can he achieve this great power? By reuniting with his own previously thought extinct kind!

At the very end of Kung Fu Panda 2, there was a cliffhanger that saw a mighty panda, who seems to resemble Po’s real biological father, is still alive along with plenty of other pandas out there. It wouldn’t be until five years later where we the audience got confirmation that was indeed the case. Earlier on in the movie, we see Po meet his father who gave birth to him named Li Shan, voiced by Walter White himself, Bryan Cranston. It’s then we find out that there are still pandas out in the world and have camped at a secret panda village. A panda village that just so happens to tie into the main conflict with the main villain of the picture, Kai, voiced by J. Jonah Jameson himself, J.K. Simmons!

For a bit of backstory, we discover that Kai and Oogway were once brothers-in-arms and that Kai saved a wounded Oogway from dying. He saved him by taking him to a secret village full of pandas, where he was healed after they were ambushed. The pandas there taught the two of them the power of chi. Whereas Oogway used that power of chi for the method of healing, Kai used that power to take chi away from others for his own personal power. This forced Oogway to battle and banish him to the Spirit Realm. By revisiting that secret panda village, Po is hoping to learn Chi from his father Li to defeat Kai while Shifu and the Furious Five prepare to protect the valley.

Now, in hindsight, having the pandas tie into the backstory surrounding the main villain and the original Kung Fu Master in Oogway can be seen as quite contrived. It was always stretchy enough that you just had a bad guy in the previous movie that had something to do with the death of the main character’s parents, which wasn’t even hinted at in the original film, even if the film handled all of that INCREDIBLY well. Now, you have a panda race that was originally written off as being extinct somehow serving a role in healing Oogway and involved with Kai’s drastic turn to the dark side. However, there is one element that makes this whole thing work.

You see Li claims to know the power of chi but refuses to teach his son how to chi until he remembers how to be a panda again. From eating, sleeping, and interacting with his whole kind, Po is rediscovering the true meaning of being a panda. However, as Kai starts to strike with his desire goal to erase Oogway’s legacy and steal the chi from every living kung fu master out there, which he is able to successfully due to Shifu and four of the furious five members, Po must learn how to chi from his dad quickly. The problem though is that Li doesn’t really know how to chi and lied to his own son to prevent losing him again. That right there is what helps make this story work.

Yes, the liar reveal is a very common trope among movies, especially kids movies. But, that really allows the world of Kung Fu Panda to be build upon more fluently and not have it being bog down by common cinematic universe tropes where EVERYTHING MUST BE CONNECTED! These really aren’t the pandas that was able to heal Oogway and bare witness to Kai’s evil turn, these are just ordinary pandas that don’t know the first thing about chi or really anything to do with kung fu. This is yet another misdirect that could ruin an entire film if not done properly but it’s able to do it well enough because it plays a role in Po’s arc in the film.

The main thing about Po in this movie is not just having to learn chi but pass his knowledge of kung fu onto others. He attempts to train the Five before but fails to do so. He must try it again but this time teach the village of pandas and his father, Mr. Ping (who I forgot to mention is along for the ride too). Except this time, Po realizes that he can’t teach others kung fu by intimating his style but must build upon the styles of others by using the everyday activities from pandas. Just like the way Shifu trained Po in the first film, Po must find unconventional ways to train his fellow panda bears. With step one of Po learning to become a teacher being completed, now must come the part where Po must learn how to chi.

Of course, Po wants to take the easiest way imaginable to be Kai. Face him head on, get close enough to him, and use the wuxi finger hole to send him back to the spirit realm. And as usual with movies, it’s not that simple. Kai reveals that the technique only works on mortals and that he is a spirit warrior. Because of that, Kai is able to recall the chi and beat Po. With the villain gaining the upper hand and Po failing to learn the power of chi, it must be very doom and gloom for the hero. How can Po actually save the day this time? By beating the bad guy at his own game!

To save all the others, Po grabs Kai and sakdooshes himself and Kai to transport them both to the spirit realm, the place which chi basically originated from. I guess if Po was unable to master chi in the real world, might as well go to the place where that power came from to be able to do it. Of course, Po can’t do this on his own. It’s with the help of his father and the entire panda village, they are able to unlock their own power of chi and pass it on to Po. As it turns out, it’s finding one’s true self that is the key to unlocking chi. It’s Po reuniting with his kind and the help from his friends that he was able to rediscover himself once again and learn the true meaning of chi. Because of that, he’s able to use his chi to destroy Kai and his weapons and save the day once again.

It’s then we get into the scene that not just Kung Fu Panda 3 has been building too but perhaps the entire trilogy up to this point in general. In the Spirit Realm, Po is able to reunite with Oogway. The wise old master tells Po that the reason he chose him to be the Dragon Warrior is because he saw the potential in both to master both kung fu and chi. Now that he has been able to successfully do both, he passes the baton to Po by making the Dragon Warrior his true successor as Grand Master and gives up his mystic staff to him. Po then uses that wisdom, knowledge, and staff he now has to pass on what he has learned to the pandas and residents of the Valley of Peace, teaching them all the true meaning of kung fu and chi. Now, Po has become the ultimate Kung Fu Master he has always dreamed of since the beginning of the first film. He has truly earned the titled name of Kung Fu Panda.

Kung Fu Panda 3 is a film that is easy to dismiss when looking at it on the surface. From its familiar plot beats to its toned down humor, it almost feels as if it’s falling into the traps that the franchise has avoided up to this point and that it’s starting to become a shadow of it’s former self. However, with seeing how Po’s journey concludes by the end of the movie and at the end of this trilogy, there is something to chew upon greatly here. It really feels like Po has fully 100% lived up to the Dragon Warrior name, just as Oogway hoped he would the moment he chose him.

This movie is not only about Po learning to become a teacher, a master of chi, or becoming that ultimate kung fu warrior he has always dreamed of, it’s about Po learning to find the best of all these worlds when it comes to being the Dragon Warrior and a panda. He doesn’t need to compromise one end or the other, he’s willing to do them all. He can still hold onto his two daddies and his Kung Fu family at the same time just like how he can master kung fu and chi at the same time. He just needed to find that version of himself that was willing to do it. In this case, he just needed to learn to find his inner chi.

And that about does it for my Kung Fu Panda retrospective marathon. Sorry, it took a little later in the month to get around to it but I had other things in February that I wanted to cover first.

I will have my review of Kung Panda 4 sometime next week. I’m not sure how to feel about that movie considering the disturbing lack of marketing for it, almost as if DreamWorks is trying to hide it from the whole world. I hope that it’s able to do what all of the Kung Fu Panda films have done thus far and find a brand new story to tell with Po where he learns something grand that progresses his character forward. I guess we’ll see if it’s able to do that next month!

Once again, thanks to everyone that clicked on these pieces of each three films. I hope you enjoy it and look forward to more content on this blog!

Dune: Part Two (2024) Early Movie Review: Denis Villeneuve To The Rescue

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There are times to where being a fan of cinema is difficult! There are times to where there are so many duds and whimpers that get released simultaneously that you wonder how much more you can take! How much time and money are you willing to spend to watch a motion picture that’s not even good enough to be a simple three out of four star flick! In the case of films kicking off in the first two months of 2024, I don’t think I can recall a year that has gotten off to such a worst start, so much so that the only film that I would give a solid three out of four star recommendation to is….Lisa Frankenstein of all things.

Night Swim started off 2024 with the exact OPPOSITE feeling I had walking out of 2023 with M3GAN, Mean Girls was a painfully mediocre musical that didn’t do it’s source material justice, Bob Marley One Love was a safe, disposable, by-the-numbers bio pic, The Beekeeper and Argylle had their moments but they got way more overly complicated than they had any right to be, and everyone knows how much of a trainwreck Madame Web was. There is also one movie that hurt me dearly that I can’t post my review of yet because I’m not sure I’m allow to because there’s been no review embargo for it thus far.

Suffice to say, movies quite suck right now, even for someone that tries to be as optimistic about them as possible. Thankfully, we have the great Denis Villeneuve here to safe us all with his outstanding follow-up to the very good Dune: Part One with Dune: Part Two, a film which by the way wasn’t even suppose to come out last year but got pushed back due to the strikes. Regardless of the timing of it’s release, Dune: Part Two is exactly what fans hoped it would be and so much more!

If Dune: Part One acted as Villeneuve setting the training wheels on his bike in motion, Dune: Part Two sees him being able to successfully take those training wheels off and pushed that bike down the hill with good graces. Nearly all that set up that amounted in Part One has immensely satisfying pay offs in Part Two, the action and set pieces are taking to a whole new level, every single member of it’s stacked cast get their moment to shine, and I can’t recall a film in recent memory that such stellar cinematography that it 100% makes the whole experience worth seeing in IMAX. This is an instant sci-fi classic that will likely go down as one of the best cinematic experiences that I along with others will have all throughout 2024.

Premise: Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) unites with Chani and the Fremen while seeking revenge against the conspirators who destroyed his family. Facing a choice between the love of his life and the fate of the universe, he must prevent a terrible future only he can foresee.

What is made the most apparent about Dune: Part Two is how much Denis Villeneuve clearly understood the assignment with his second trip in the world of Dune. He knew exactly the plot threads that he had established in Part One that needed to have immense payoff in Part Two. With the first film taking the majority of it’s runtime to establish the lore, world building, and who these characters are, the second film shows you manages to deepen all of that and show you just everything that the world of Dune is capable off. That’s not to say that everything is tied up into a complete bow exactly by the time two and a half hours has flown by, but it’s clear the kind of story that Villeneuve left hanging in the last one is able to be continue and reached a definite conclusion in this one. This definitely makes for a perfect case as to why not only splitting Dune into two movies was actually justified but it also acted as a necessary evil.

I’m sure there will be plenty of folks claiming that Dune: Part Two is to Dune: Part One what The Empire Strikes Back was to the original Star Wars. While that is an 100% accurate comparison, it’s able to learn the “right” lessons from that game changing sci-fi masterpiece that came out in 1980. It’s not only bigger, better, and bolder than it’s predecessor because of how “dark” it is, but because it’s able to use an unconventional structure of storytelling to push all the right buttons on making a perfect sequel. Dune: Part Two is able to challenge it’s characters, expand upon the mythos and lore, and deliver the kind of visuals and set pieces in all the ways that the first one was unable to provide, while making for a completely mesmerizing and memorable theater experience in it’s own rights. It’s not trying to be overly dark for the sake of it, it’s just trying to stand out by pushing measures in filmmaking that only Dune: Part Two could ever provide.

Of course, we once again follow Paul Atreides, played perfectly by Timothée Chalamet, right where we left off in his journey from Part One. Still carried by all that burden from trying to avenge his father’s death and his family’s legacy from the Harkonnen, we see Paul being pushed beyond his measures to stop the conspirators from messing up his life and future even further. While he now has new allies with his new love in Chani and the Fremen, it’s ultimately himself that has to make the tough decisions throughout. Tough decisions that might put an end to the terrible future he constantly sees in his dreams but might come at the expense of those he loves and the overall fate of the universe.

It’s the type of conflict that Paul and the other characters have that makes each choice they make all the more intriguing. Similar to The Empire Strikes Back (I promise this is the last comparisons I will make with that), Dune: Part Two knows the best way to make the stakes more personal is to constantly put it’s own characters in constant peril throughout it’s entire runtime. After all, during a time of war, desperate times call for desperate measures. What you do in the short run could absolutely impact you in the best and worst ways in the long run.

Much like last year’s Oppenheimer, it’s incredible just how much the effort of the entire cast and crew working through the picture is clearly shown on the big screen. Once again, letting every single penny of it’s 100 million plus budget feel properly used on the big screen. This has easily one of the best, most talented, and quite frankly hottest talented ensembles for a film that I’ve ever seen. Regardless, of how big or small their roles are, they are all able to stand out in their own way.

While Timothée Chalamet was solid in Part One, he’s on a completely different level here, feeling much more free willing and unhinged in his performance. His screen presence is felt every single time he steps in front of the camera, giving the perfect kind of energy and depth needed to carry a picture with some of the best and most acclaimed actors surrounding him. A lot of that has to do with Part Two being able to explore that darker side with Paul as he is forced to make decisions as he takes his big steps into becoming a war leader, the decisions that he seemed unwilling to make in the first one. As much as Chalament nailed playing the typical pretty white boy role in the past, he is able to come to his own here as being an absolute movie star that can carry his own presence and even be great in action sequences. Between the commercial success of Wonka and the likely success of this, I would expect his agent’s phones are gonna be ringing like crazy come next Monday.

Making for the perfect equal to Chalamet’s Paul is Zendaya’s Chani. There’s a strong argument to make that she is basically the beating heart of the story. She not only has a role that feels much more expanded this time around but the arc that Chani goes through is the direct reflection of what Paul has, being put in a difficult place during war that may cost those they love for victory. She shares perfect chemistry with Chalamet and makes for one of the most compelling on-screen romances in recent memory. It honestly made me realize just how much I miss these kind of romance stories that don’t resonate much in most mainstream franchises today.

The rest of the returning cast of the first one are just as great to see again as before. Rebecca Ferguson continues to be a force to be reckoning with as she always is in every movie that she is in, Josh Brolin as Gurney takes a while to come into the picture but that energy that Brolin brings is still present, Dave Bautista as Glossu Rabban is giving more screen time than before, and Javier Bardem not only seems like he’s having the most fun out of everyone but he has surprisingly great comedic timing throughout the film. I could have used a bit more of Stellan Skarsgard as The Baron though.

In terms of the new players, they all own their own weight completely and fits perfectly along with the rest of the cast. Christopher Walken is completely buyable as the great Emperor of the film, being able to make the role more of his own than I imagine the character was in the books. Florence Pugh is equally great as the Emperor’s daughter, at times feeling like the narrator or guiding viewpoint of the antagonists of the film. Lea Seydoux, Souheila Yacoub, and Anya Taylor-Joy might not get as much screentime as some might expect but they absolutely sell their roles with the limited screen time they are given. The biggest stand out of the newcomer is Austin Butler as Feyd-Rautha. Butler kills every moment that he is given throughout the film, perfectly combing the mix of being charismatic, menacing, and an absolute blast to watch whenever he is on screen. As a matter of fact, there’s about a 15 to 20 minute period where the film focuses perfectly on him and took time away from the main character and I did not care one bit. That right there should tell you all you need to know about how awesome Butler is as a main bad guy of Feyd-Rautha.

From a technical component, words are not enough to describe how much of a beautifully crafted and well made film this is. There is not a single categories of filmmaking on display that is not worth a nomination for next year’s Oscars. The visuals are absolutely breathtaking with not a single flat shot to be found here, the sound design is impeccable and first perfectly with each individual scene, the editing is the exact definition of Oscar-calibar, each action set piece is treated with incredibly impressive fight choreography and jaw dropping sequences (the biggest stand outs being the first sequence in the desert, Feyd-Rautha’s ceremony introduction, and the final 45 minutes in general), and Hans Zimmer is even able to outdo himself with a score that is as captivating and chill-inducing as before.

While everyone on the creative team deserves all the credit in the world, a special shout-out has to be given to cinematographer Greig Fraser. Fraser has already done amazing work from behind the camera with the likes of Zero Dark Thirty, Rogue One, and The Batman but it’s his work in both of these two Dune movies that have stood out the most for me. These films would not be as good as they were if they were unable to let it’s visuals and imagery do the majority of the talking (and that’s not just because of Villeneuve’s recent “anti-dialogue” comments). After all, it’s the overall look and feel of the world of Dune itself that helps differentiate it from the rest of the sci-fi genre out there. Take that a way and these new Dune films would not be what they are. I know it’s early in 2024 but I would be shocked if I see a film that is as beautiful to look at as Dune: Part Two, which should make that Oscar a slam dunk for Mr. Fraser.

Dune: Part Two is just about as good as it could be regardless of any way you look at it. If you look at it as being the right follow-up to Part One that leaves seasonings for a possible third film with Dune: Messiah, you will get that. If you look at it as being the saving grace of 2024 in cinema thus far, you will get that. Heck, if you are just looking for a great sci-fi flick regardless of how it compares to other sci-fi flicks of it’s kind, you will get that as well.

There are certainly nits you can pick such as the first 15 minutes being a tad slow, some actors not getting as much time as you expect, and a wrap-up that doesn’t so much act as a definite end and more leaves an opening to Dune: Messiah. Even so, this is the cinema experience as it’s finest. The kind of experience that is fading away by each passing day. I don’t know if Dune: Part Two will act as the beginning of the end of cinema as we know it or the start of something more hopeful and uplifting for the future but no doubt, those that are excited for this upcoming picture will surely get their money’s worth.

Rock on, Denis Villeneuve! Just please provide less controversial takes for the near future, please!

Other comments:

  • Yeah, I don’t agree with Villeneuve’s comments on dialogue but I’m not gonna destroy him for it either. He just needs to be like Christopher Nolan and not let his ego get the better of him.

  • Austin Butler as sure come a long way from being that boyfriend character in Zoey 101 that no one liked to playing an antagonist that forces Drax the Destroyer to kiss his feet.

  • It really is impressive how more organic the pacing feels here compared to Part One. Even the slow moments didn’t feel as outrageously slow to me as they did in Part One.

  • And btw, I’m not joking about that prior point. Austin Butler literally forces Dave Bautista to kiss his feet and that is so satisfying to see. No offense to Drax!

  • I’m definitely curious to watching these two films back-to-back the way they were initially intended and see if the five and a half hour complete experience makes it all for the better.

  • And for those wondering, yes, Dune: Part One would have found a spot on my Best Movies of 2021 list from either the honorable mentions category or my main top 10. I still have my issues with the pacing but no doubt, it’s a great cinematic achievement with the kind of visuals and world building I always love for my sci-fi. Rock on again, Denis!

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011) Retrospective- The Perfect Villain

Adam2 Comments

After the surprising success of Kung Fu Panda in 2008, a Kung Fu Panda 2 just had to be made. As a matter of fact, according to DreamWorks CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, they were looking to do a complete saga’s worth of Kung Fu Panda installments with at least six total. However, with DreamWorks, it’s clearly one step at a time by focusing on one distinct chapter at a time, especially in regards to Kung Fu Panda. We would end up getting a follow-up the original Kung Fu Panda three years later with 2011’s Kung Fu Panda 2.

As much as folks were doubtful that the first film could work at all given it’s bizarre premise, I believe there was even more doubt that a sequel could work in any way, shape, or form. Like what else could you do with a follow-up to Kung Fu Panda? Have Po be a bumbling idiot and learn the same lessons that he already learned the first time around? Clearly the first movie have to be a magical fluke and there’s no way DreamWorks could make lightning strike twice, right?! Right?! Welp, you would be wrong once again!

Kung Fu Panda 2 is not only as good as the original, it’s even better. It does EVERYTHING you want a sequel to do. It takes the characters into new and interesting directions, it expands upon it’s story and lore in the most logically way possible, the action and animation are taken to the next level, and it’s able to act as the best possible next step for the journey of Po as oppose to do just retreating steps from his first go around. It’s not only the best Kung Fu Panda movie thus far but it’s perhaps one of the best DreamWorks films ever made and even one of the best sequels of all time period. Not just in animation but in all films in general.

However, there is one strong element that’s able to hold this entire film together. One element that was perhaps a bit lacking in the first film compared to everything else going on. That is no other than the main villain of Shen, voiced BRILLIANTLY by Gary Oldman. Don’t get me wrong, Tai Lung was a fine antagonist overall but Shen easily blows him and any other antagonist in this entire series out of the water. The key to making a perfect sequel is to have a perfect villain. And Kung Fu Panda 2 is able to succeed GREATLY in that regard.

What makes Shen the best and most interesting antagonist of the entire series is his connection to Po. Unlike with Tai Lung and Kai, Shen is a villain that actually has a tie-in to Po’s past. Throughout Kung Fu Panda 2, you get a deeper dive into Po’s tragic past that was largely glossed over in the first film. A past that actually saw him with his fellow kin of pandas and his own biological mommy and daddy. However, there was one awful night where a good chunk of Po’s kind was wiped out and executed. That execution came from an army of deadly wolves that was lead by none other than Shen himself. It’s that connection that Shen has with Po that makes the conflict between him the most personal and engaging of the entire series.

Switching over to Po for a second, Po at this point has embraced his new life as The Dragon Warrior who now fights greatly alongside the Furious Five. However, he still has plenty to learn throughout his journey. One main component being that Po must achieve inner peace. Inner peace is a concept within the Kung Fu Panda universe to describe a peaceful state of mind and spirit. In the words of Shifu, it’s the ability “harness the flow of the universe”, enabling one to do basically the impossible. In a way, this is almost like what I imagine the special power that Po thought he was going to get with The Dragon Scroll but never got.

However, there is one road block that constantly gets in the way whenever Po tries to achieve inner peace throughout the course of the film. That being what happened the night that Po lost his parents, that night which was caused by Shen and his army. With that terrible memory he still has in his head that has come back to haunt him, finding inner peace seems impossible for Po because he can’t seem to put his past behind him. Something which Po can only be achieve once he discovered what happened that night. Unfortunately for Po, the only person that can answer that is Shen himself.

After Shifu sends Po and the Furious Five on a mission to Gongmen City after learning that Shin killed Kung Fu Master Thundering Rhino, Po is basically giving no choice put to confront his past head on in the hopes that it will unlock the secrets to not just inner peace but a brighter future as well. Shen, in this movie, is looking to do the unthinkable and destroy kung fu once and for all. He plans to do this by committing absolute genocide around China with cannons, hoping that will wipe out every single Kung Fu member and tradition.

The two first encountered with one another when Po and the Furious Five surrender to Shen and his army. However, Po claims he has a plan in motion and surprisingly enough, it succeeds. He’s able to catch Shen off guard and has the perfect opportunity to put an end to him right there but he doesn’t. The main thing that stopped him was symbol of Shen’s armor. It’s that exact same symbol Po saw with him when confronting bad guys at the village and it’s the symbol that calls back to that night where Po lost his parents. Because of that distraction, Shen escapes and destroys Gongmen Palace with his cannonade.

Tigress and the Furious Five demand to know why Po held back at stopping Shen. Despite initially hesitating, Po gives in and reveals that he believes that Shen knows what happened with his parents on the night that he lost them. With Po lacking clear focus on his mission, Tigress orders Po to sit the rest of the mission out and let the Furious Five handling it, refusing to let her friend get killed. But of course, Po can’t help himself and must seek answers from Shen. Not only will those answers make his past clear but it might just help unlock the inner peace hidden within himself.

Because of that eagerness, Po disobeys Tigress’s orders and goes to confront Shen himself. When Po demands answers from his new connected foe about what happened that night, Shen tells him that he was in fact there at night and watched as his parents abandoned him. That’s right! According to the words of Shen himself, it wasn’t him that caused Po to be separated from his real parents, it was themselves. With Po being horrified off the truth, that allows Shen to shoot the panda through his cannon, leaving him plenty of miles away from his fortress.

What I find the most fascinating about that exchange is that I don’t think Shen himself believes he is lying to Po there. Yes, he is clearly not telling the truth about Po’s parents abandoning him but I don’t think he himself realizes that. The main reason for that is with Shen’s own experience with his parentage. That experience which had fuel him into using his kung fu for evil and destroy China.

It’s revealed early in the film that the peacock rulers of Gongmen City actually invented fireworks for the purpose of peace. However, the ruler’s son, Shen, discovered that the gunpowder used to make the fireworks can also be used as a weapon. Once Shen’s parents take notice to their son’s sudden obsession with using fireworks as armory, they consult a soothsayer, who tells the two that if their son’s continues down this path of wrongful and sinful behavior, he will be defeated by “a warrior of black and white”. Overhearing of the prophecy, Shen believes that this supposed warrior has to be a panda, which is why he send his army of wolves to execute the pandas from all around the world, hoping this would lead to the prophecy not being fulfilled. Horrified by the panda genocide, Shen’s parents banished their own son from the city as he is no longer the boy they have come to love.

When saying that backstory out loud, you can actually get a sense as to why Shen would believe that Po would abandon his parents because he believes that is what parenthood is all about. With the way he was abandoned by his own parents, he only assumes that’s how the meaning of life is for everybody. Yes, they had ever right to do so but not in the eyes of Shen. This is because how much evil has blinded him from being the one good peacock he had the potential to be. The one that was able to use fireworks for good and not evil. The one that might have been able to fulfill his destiny and rule over Gongmen City for his parents. The one that would allow his past not to define him but only consume him. That right there spells out the perfect parallel that Shen has with Po.

However, the main difference between the past that Po and Shen share is how Po responds to learning the full truth about the tragic night with his parents. After getting blasted out of the cannon, Po is rescued by the soothsayer, the same one that was with Shen when she told the prophecy that caused him to wreck havoc. She tells Po all about the panda genocide and encourages him to face that past head on. It’s the only way that Po can do what he has been looking to do all movie long, achieve inner peace.

It’s then we get to what is not only hands down the best sequence in the entire franchise but one of the best scenes in any animated film period. This is the moment that the entire film has been building to. This is the moment where Po finally achieves inner peace. As Po unlocks the inner peace within himself, he is able to remember his father fighting off Shen’s army while his mother hid him in a little crate, drawing off the army so her son could survive. While the fate of his father is unknown, it basically all but confirms that Po’s mother is truly dead. It’s unlocking inner peace that allowed Po to unlock his past.

However, Po doesn’t have to be like Shen. He doesn’t have to let his past define him and motivate him to use his powers for evil. Instead, he can heal himself, leave the past behind him, and motivate himself to use his knowledge of kung fu for not just for the greater good but for a better and more uplifting future that awaits him. After all, he has already accomplished a great many things already during his time as the Dragon Warrior, as the rapid clip show of the events of the last two movies would show. This is where everything comes full circle for Po and this entire series in general. At the end of the day, Po is not Shen. Po is Po and he needs a hat!

One final master stroke of Po’s and Shin’s story is how both used their powers that they unlocked from their past. Shin is able to use the cannon of fireworks in the hopes that it would destroy China while Po is able use the knowledge of inner peace in the hopes that it would save China. However, because Po is the one that learned to not let his past define him, it is him that emerges victorious where Shen is defeated in the end. Whereas Po embraced his past as a scar that is a part of him forever, Shen embraced his past as a wound that never healed. Most of all, Po learned what Shen failed to. That the only thing that matters for yourself is what you choose to be in the here and now, not in the before or later. Because of that, Po was able to save the Furious Five, his master, and most importantly, all of China and kung fu from Shen.

When people talk about the best Part Twos of all time, a main strength that each and every one of them has is the perfect villain. The Empire Strikes Back had Darth Vader. Spider-Man 2 had Doc Ock. The Dark Knight had the Joker. And when it comes to DreamWorks Part Twos, Shrek 2 had the fairy godmother and Puss in Boots: The Last Wish had Death in the form of a wolf himself. Kung Fu Panda 2 has Shen and it’s all the more perfect for it.

There is an old saying that the hero is only as good as it’s villain. If that is indeed true, then I don’t think there has been an antagonist in any DreamWorks movie that was able to fit the exact meaning of that with Shen himself. Shen to this day is still the best villain in the entire Kung Fu Panda franchise and one of the best villains I have seen in any animated movie! I can’t imagine Kung Fu Panda 2 being the perfect sequel that it is if it wasn’t for Shen’s strong presence throughout the entire film. He make for a perfect parallel to Po and just makes for the perfect side of a coin in general.

If you are an inspiring screenwriter that is looking on how to make the perfect villain for your story, look no further than with Shen in Kung Fu Panda 2.

Next up: Kung Fu Panda 3– Finding Your Inner Chi

Kung Fu Panda (2008) Retrospective- Redefining The Chosen One

Adam2 Comments

If there is one movie out there that is basically the textbook definition of “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover!”, that would be Kung Fu Panda. On paper, this sounds like the dumbest idea ever. A big fat panda voiced by Jack Black learning Kung Fu?! That feels like an idea that came from the same person that thought The Emoji Movie would be a great hit! And that’s not even going to the overall marketing and trailers for this movie, which played the movie as being nothing more than a water down slapstick comedy aimed for toddlers. However, once the movie came out during the summer of 2008, we all could not have been wrong about Kung Fu Panda.

I believe it’s safe to say that Kung Fu Panda has been far in a way Dreamwork’s most surprising franchise to date. Heck, with the exception of Shrek and How To Train Your Dragon, you could argue Kung Fu Panda is their best and most consistent franchise to date. This was a series of films that most folks didn’t think could hold it’s own standalone film, let alone a franchise, with a premise that sounded like the stupidest idea imaginable. However, not only is Kung Fu Panda is able to work despite it’s silly premise, it’s able to work BECAUSE of it.

It’s able to use that “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” mindset that not only acts what most folks thought of Kung Fu Panda when watching it but use that as the central theme throughout the film. And it’s that theme that makes for the perfect way to tell the story of the main character of Po, the titled panda that learns kung fu. A story that is yet again another chosen one narrative with the main character having to go through the typical hero’s journey but is able to use it’s admittedly absurd premise to find a completely fresh and unique way to tell it. It’s that exact reason and much more that makes Kung Fu Panda the right movie to talk about when it comes to films that is successfully able to redefine the typical chosen one narrative.

When we first meet Po, he seems like the last person that is worthy of being the chosen one, or as the movie refers to it as The Dragon Warrior. Sure, he is shown to be a massive fanboy of kung fu, with him having dreams of becoming the ultimate dragon warrior and owning his own action figures of the entire Furious Five group, but he comes off as an absolute clumsy oaf who don’t seem to take anything seriously. However, despite having a straight forward future with running a noodle shop with his TOTALLY not adapted father Mr. Ping, his heart doesn’t seem to eagerly awaiting for that kind of future. He’s awaiting for that special opportunity to fight alongside the Furious Five. He’s awaiting to become a kung fu warrior. It’s then the day that Po has been waiting for arrives, the day that known kung fu legend Master Oogway announces who The Dragon Warrior is.

After a handful of hilariously comedy bits in seeing how Po tries to enter a closed palace for the ceremony along with admitting to his father that noodles aren’t really his thing, we see Oogway choosing the Dragon Warrior. And that Dragon Warrior turned out to be no one other than Po himself. Not Tigress, not any member of the Furious Five, and not even a tall and muscular man! The Dragon Warrior is a fat panda named Po.

That moment is not only Oogway choosing the fate of kung fu in the valley of peace set in China but the fate of the actual movie in general. He is basically counting on the most unlikely person imaginable for the job. He is counting on the titled panda character voiced by Jack Black to carry the entire picture and make Po’s heroic journey feel earned. It may seem unimaginable but Oogway has fate in himself, his students, and most importantly, the audience to be alongside Po’s quest to become the Dragon Warrior by any means necessary.

Shifu is the one kung fu master that has to train Po to become the Dragon Warrior, as he had trained the Furious Five. His goal is to teach the panda kung fu and have him become good enough to not only defeat the sinister Tai Lung, Shifu’s fallen apprentice that has escaped from prison with a massive grudge against his former master, but also to claim the dragon scroll, which is believed to have the secrets to limitless power of kung fu. However, as you would expect for as someone that is as bumbling and clumsy as Po looks, it does not start off well at all.

Po’s early days of training are nothing short of disaster. Fallen short of every possible training lesson, session, and technique needed to master any sort of kung fu, Po had lived up to his first impressions of being the worst possible person for the job of the Dragon Warrior. Due to that, every one around him seems to think that Oogway made a mistake picking Po. Shifu believes it, the Furious Five believes it, and worst of all, Po himself believes it as well. The only person that does NOT believe Oogway was wrong is well…Oogway himself.

After receiving word of Tai Lung escaping from prison, Shifu realizes that their days may be numbered before evil strikes the heart of the valley of peace. Matters are made even more complicated when Oogway’s time has come and dies of old age at the Sacred Peach Tree, blown away by wind and pink petals. Even though Shifu has done everything in his power to get rid of Po, he now knows he has no choice but to do everything in his power to train Po and become the ultimate Kung Fu master.

Before he is able to do that, Po tries to run away from the responsibility after coming to the realization that he is the only one that can stop Tai Lung. We then have a great moment between Shifu and Po when the former asks the latter why he didn’t quit when everyone was trying to get rid of him. Po claims that despite all of the constant failing and insults from Shifu and the gang, he powered through with it because he figured that if there was anyone that can change himself from being just a big fat panda to a noble warrior, it was Shifu. This right there is a major defining moment of the movie.

This is when the movie has it’s main character basically questioning it’s own premise and overall existence. There is no way a big fat panda can be the one to be the hero that saves the day, it has to be someone way more than him. Po doesn’t want to be that anymore because that’s not what is normally defined as being a hero. No matter how good he can be at kung fu, Po will always be that big fat panda in his overall appearance and nothing can change that. Nothing except for possibly the dragon scroll.

With Shifu figuring out that the only way to motivated Po to be the best Kung Fu warrior imaginable is with food, he takes unconventional measures to train Po, measures that he could never have done with the Furious Five. Because of that, Po is able to succeed and have now learn how to properly Kung Fu. After the Furious Five attempt to take Tai Lung head on and failing, Shifu believes that it is now time to hand Po the dragon scroll, which is believed to do basically anything to help the Dragon Warrior master Kung Fu in ways unimaginable.

However, something unexpected happens once Po opens up the dragon scroll. It’s blank. Literally completely blank. Only showing himself in a golden reflection. No kung fu cheat codes, no magical or whimsical power! Nothing but Po himself. All of that build up and hype for the dragon scroll turned out to be literally for nothing!

Now, a movie where the big overall reveal turns out to be nothing is a HUGE risk, especially when there has been so much build up towards it. It could make the whole experience feel like it was a giant waste of time with trying to keep a secret that ultimately amount to literally NOTHING. However, Kung Fu Panda not only makes it completely work but it might just be the best “nothing” twist that I’ve seen in any movie.

After Po and the Furious Five go their separate ways with Shifu, who awaits his former student’s arrival, we see Po running into his father once again as the whole valley evacuates. Despite learning kung fu, it seems like Po is right back where he started at the beginning of the film, awaiting his noodle tradition future with his adopted father. It’s then that Mr. Ping believes it is time for him to let his son know of his little secret. That secret being the secret ingredient of his secret ingredient soup. And just like with the dragon scroll, the secret ingredient is literally nothing.

That’s right! That secret that Mr. Ping has kept from his son for so long turned out to be literally nothing. It’s nothing but plain old noodle soup. Even though there is no secret ingredient, Mr. Ping believes he doesn’t need it for his soup to be a success. The fact that he believes his soup making skills are special is good enough for him. The fact that he believed in it hard enough and made it happen was the true secret ingredient to all of this.

And there it is right there! That was the meaning of The Dragon Scroll! That was the point that Oogway was trying to get across! There is no secret ingredient to becoming a hero, it’s just you! Your overall appearance doesn’t matter! It’s only a matter if you believe in yourself willingly to accomplish the goals you set out to achieve! That moment right there is not only telling Po himself not to take himself for granted but also the audience as well!

It’s Po using the skills he learned from Shifu and the knowledge he discovered from his father to defeat the sinister Tai Lung. It’s nothing that was learned from any member of the Furious Five or even Shifu himself, it was all on Po. And that realization comes into fruition when Tai Lung finally gets his hands on The Dragon Scroll only to find out it’s literally nothing. All of that training and years of anticipation for the dragon scroll to find out it’s literally nothing. The main difference here is that Po is able to discover the inner meaning of himself with that reveal while Tai Lung is unable to. It’s because of that and more that Po is the one victorious in the end and Tai Lung ends up in skadoosh land.

There have been many different ways of telling the traditional chosen one narrative. There has been plenty of franchises out there that have done that and done it well. However, there isn’t one that I can recall that was able to tell it as fresh, unique, and most importantly, subversive as Kung Fu Panda. It’s like the filmmakers behind were fully aware of it’s absurd premise that audiences would judge too harshly on the surface. It’s like they wanted to use that sense of doubt from everyone to not only prove all the naysayers of the film wrong but literally have that be the main driving force of the film. And if the success of this film is anything to go by, I would say they succeeded spectacularly.

It’s that positive mindset of not doubting yourself that has led DreamWorks to the success with Kung Fu Panda. At the end of the day, when you set yourself out to achieve something, it’s only you that can accomplish it. There’s no secret weapon or trick to do it all, it’s just you. It’s only if you have the confidence to believe in yourself will you be able to accomplish your dreams when given the opportunity. Po was able to do that just well throughout the series and hopefully you can too with whatever you set out to be. Only then where you might just become your own version of the chosen one or The Dragon Warrior.

Next up in the marathon: Kung Fu Panda 2– How To Make The Perfect Villain

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004) Retrospective

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Everybody’s favorite sponge arrived on the big screen for the first time ever on November 19th, 2004. It was directed by the creator of SpongeBob Squarepants himself, Stephen Hillenburg, who crafted the story alongside Derek Drymon, Tim Hill, Kent Osborne, Aaron Springer, and Paul Tibbitt. They decided to structure the story as a mythical hero’s journey that would put SpongeBob and Patrick front and center. The film was originally meant to serve as the series finale, as Hillenberg wanted to end the series on a high note and not have it wear out it’s welcome. However, because the series had become increasingly profitable and still having an insane amount of popularity, Nickelodeon ordered for more episodes after the film’s release and is still ordering them to this very day. As a result, Hillenburg resigned as the showrunner, with Tibbitt taking his place until 2015.

The movie received generally positive reviews from critics and is generally beloved by fans, many of whom found it to be a satisfying conclusion to the original run of SpongeBob Squarepants. It grossed 141 million dollars worldwide, becoming the seventh highest grossing animated film of 2004. There were two follow-ups to this film with Sponge Out of Water releasing in 2015 and Sponge on the Run in 2020 along with a fourth film that is in the works subtitled, Search for Squarepants, that is set for a release on December 19. 2025.

I’m not gonna lie, I can’t recall a film that I have had more nostalgia for in my ENTIRE life than The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie. This was the very first movie I remember ever seeing in a theater. I have watched this so many times as a kid and have nearly every single scene and line of dialogue memorized in my head. To tell you the truth, this might be one of my personal favorite movies. I’m not joking.

There is something about The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie that just feels so right, so earnest, so joyful, and so emotionally satisfying every single time that I watch it. It’s a movie that just works no matter which way you look at it. Not only does it make for a perfectly satisfying epilogue for fans of the series but it even works as a nice hero’s journey with a great, heartful message for kids, telling them that there’s nothing wrong with being who you are and never doubt yourself because of it. If you’re a kid, be a kid. Because at the end of the day, not only are we all a kid inside, we are also a goofy goober!

What makes this movie stand out bigger than not just the other SpongeBob movies but also other SpongeBob medium is the definite sense that this is the endgame. This seems like the one that has the desire to change up the status quo by the end and have all things come full circle for the characters and the franchise. The three main components in particular being about how a second Krusty Krab restaurant now exists, SpongeBob gaining a new promotion as manager, and of course, Plankton is FINALLY able to steal the Krabby Patty formula for once and fulfill his destiny to rule all of Bikini Bottom with everyone as his slaves. These were all major events that had never happened before in prior SpongeBob material and really feels like it could only happen in movie form. Even with the knowledge that this was not the fact where the series ended and is still going all these years later, you can’t help but think of this movie being the true finale to the story and that everything that has come after it is a prequel at best to this.

While the SpongeBob Squarepants series hasn’t necessarily been known for having the strongest storytelling and character development out there, this movie manages to make both measures better than it ever has been before with the series. Sure, the message that the film is trying to get across is an obvious one and there will likely be contrivances and deviance of logic to the plot if you were to dissect the film Cinema Sins-style but that’s all find and dandy because of how well executed SpongeBob and Patrick’s journey is but it’s also has a message that anyone of any age can relate to.

We have always had a moment in our lives where we doubt ourselves. Whether it’s due to our age, race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc., there will also be someone out there that will judge strictly based on simple, trivial merits such as the ones mentioned. Instead of letting others put you down for it, embrace it. Embrace who you are, inspire yourself to be the best version of yourself you can be, and be the first person to prove your doubters wrong. Use it as strength, not as a weakness. It’s only then where you will find yourself to not only be a kid inside as well, but also a goofy goober as well. Just like what SpongeBob and Patrick discover about themselves throughout their adventure.

Not only are SpongeBob and Patrick going on this journey to get King Neptune’s crown back to save the town and Mr. Krabs but also to discover who they truly are. They keep thinking they must be something they are not instead of being that something they really are deep inside. They insist they need to be the manliest of men with facial hair and a load of GRIT to get the job done. But that’s just not who they are. They are just a couple of goofballs who are only going on this adventure because they are the only ones in the sea that can possibly save the day. And you know what, they are all the better for it. It’s only at that moment where they embrace the fact that they are kids that they have 100% confidence in the world to get the job done.

Choosing to go with the mystical hero’s journey was a GENIUS move by the writing crew. They knew that in order for SpongeBob to work as a movie, there would need to be a fully layered plot that had a big increase on stakes, arcs, emotion, and a hard-earned message at it’s core. Is it the most complex story ever told? No! Does the arcs that SpongeBob and Patrick go through are quite predictable? Sure! Is the overall message a bit cheesy? Absolutely! But you know what, for SpongeBob Squarepants, that is literally all you need to make it all work perfectly. Even if that doesn’t make for a perfect film overall, it makes for a perfect SpongeBob film.

To be sure, while there is definitely more effort put into its plot and character development than most Spongebob media, it never forgets the elements that makes the series as great as it is. It’s still an EXTEREMELY funny movie with the same style of humor, gags, and amusing visuals that the series has always been known for. It’s able to expand upon the world of undersea than ever before, it moves at a solid, breakneck pace, the new characters are great and iconic in their own right, the music is still soothing, the voice acting is perhaps at it’s most energetic, and it never once forget the overall charm of what the show has stood for. Hillenburg and friends could not have done a better job for adaptation SpongeBob onto the big screen if they tried.

Were there some missed opportunities here? Perhaps! As much as I love the focus on strictly Spongebob and Patrick, it does feel unfortunate that other characters don’t seem to get much of the spotlight, most notably fan favorites such as Gary, Squidward and Sandy Cheeks. Considering the fact this movie was originally structured as the series finale, it does seem odd that these characters didn’t get a special moment to themselves or be able to share their thoughts one last time about SpongeBob at the very end.

I also find it jarring how the movie seems to forget about Patrick once we get to the climax where SpongeBob goes full DEUS EX GOOFY GOOBER mode! The movie puts so much focus on the starfish, practically making him the co-lead of the picture, and then it like…forgets he exists by the very end. The very last scene we get of Patrick is him with his long sneezy legs getting SpongeBob down from the ceiling.

Do these flaws hinder my enjoyment or has me thinking this isn’t a perfect four out of four star movie for me? Not at all! But I would imagine that there would at least be one hardcore fan that would have wished a bit more love was given to some of the other characters here! I guess they would have to wait for the next movie for them to get their time in the spotlight.

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie still remains an all-time classic in my eyes. Regardless of whether you view this as an adaption of the show, the epilogue of a beloved franchise, or even just a standard kids film, it all works in every way it possibly can. Even if the clear target audience is for kids, I do think there is something for adults to get something out of this as well. The message of the film is just that resonating. Beautifully animated, perfectly written, immensely funny, and emotional beats that all feel earned (You are a robot sent from Skyler if you didn’t cry at SpongeBob and Patrick’s “death scene”!), I could not ask for a better SpongeBob movie than this.

Even as someone that’s about to turn 27 this year, I can’t help but have a strong attachment to this film as I get older. When rewatching it for this marathon, I was legit worried that I wasn’t going to feel that same fondness when watching this film as a kid, that it was just nostalgia that clouded my judgement and it was time to take the rose-colored glasses off with the acceptance that this movie simply wasn’t as good as I thought it was. However, watching it again, I was wrong to ever doubt it. Because in the end, we are all goofy goobers. No matter what age I am, I will always feel proud to call myself a goofy goober!

Even though this did not end up being the very last of the series like it was originally intended to, this still works perfectly as a definite end to the franchise. Despite the fact that multiple seasons and films involving Spongebob have come along since 2004, it doesn’t change the fact that the timeless nature of it makes this feel like the main stopping point and everything that came after basically just what came before chronologically. It’s the way that Stephen Hillenburg always intended and quite frankly, it works all the better for it.

Tune in next month as to when things start getting “interesting” as we will take a look at what can be considered the “awkward” era of Spongebob Squarepants, with Seasons 4 and 5 respectively!

Other thoughts:

  • I still find it hard to believe that Black Widow herself, Scarlett Johansson, did the voice of Mindy. It’s no wonder Patrick had a big crush on her.

  • It’s sad we never got to see Mindy in a big role throughout the rest of the series.

  • I also remember playing the movie tie-in video game a lot as a kid. Boy, do I have complicated feelings about that game.

  • It’s only until now that I realized that Best Day Ever song was originally a part of this movie’s soundtrack and NOT for the Best Day Ever episode.

  • Now, That We’re Men is gonna be playing in my head rent free for the next month.

  • The guy that played Patchy the Pirate in this movie was great btw.

  • I do wonder who voiced Dennis though. Surely, it’s just some no name actor that disappeared off the face of the earth because he decided acting wasn’t his thing and didn’t do something utterly terrible that destroyed his life. I will still stick by the fact that Dennis is voiced by “He who shall NOT be named!”

  • Lastly, David Hasselhoff, BEST CELEBRITY CAMEO EVER!

Next Month: The “Awkward” Era (Seasons 4 and 5)

It’s Time For Sony To Give Spider-Man Back To Marvel

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This Valentine’s Day saw the release of Madame Web, the newest comic book movie which despite being based off of a Marvel Comic character, was developed STRICTLY by Sony (I bring that up because there are surprisingly a large amount of people in the world that don’t realized this was NOT a movie made by Marvel Studios themselves). And just like with Sony’s previous attempt at doing a villain origin story that no one asked for in Morbius, Madame Web has been an absolute critical and (likely) commercial disaster. It’s immediately been regarded as one of the worst comic book movies ever made and will definitely being topping PLENTY of worst movies of the year list come December. And unlike that other trainwreck of a villain origin story that came out two years ago that I just mentioned, I don’t think the memes are going to be enough to save Madame Web‘s reputation, even if I did somewhat try to do so in my spoof review of it.

As if Madame Web is not enough of a lackluster superhero flick to come out this year from Sony, we also have Kraven the Hunter and Venom 3 slated to release later on this year. And if the track record of the last few villain led movies from Sony is anything to go by, I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out just as bad if not worse. And with the recent funk that most comic book movies are in now, the last thing the sub-genre needs is not one, not two, but THREE terrible comic book movies to come out in the exact same year with the Marvel logo. And as I said at the beginning of the review, even though Marvel Studios are NOT the ones that are making these movies, there is actually a good portion of the population that believe otherwise and could potentially affect upcoming MCU installments such as Deadpool & Wolverine coming out in July.

Of course, the big question everyone is asking is why does Sony continue to make these movies that not only nobody is demanding for but I don’t think even they themselves want to make? Well, it’s basically a similar situation to what led to The Amazing Spider-Man duology being created, to keep the full film rights away from Marvel. Which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing if that sense of obligation wasn’t felt when watching these movies but even if you have the biggest rose-colored glasses on, it’s near impossible to separate the studio politics when sitting through disasters such as The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Venom, Morbius, and Madame Web.

All of this and more is why I strongly believe that it’s time for Sony to return all film rights back to Marvel Studios. Not just the television rights they were forced to fork over when Disney bought Marvel but also the film rights and possibly any other rights to the character of Spider-Man. This isn’t strictly because of recent events with Madame Web but because of the poor treatment that the company has given the character for the past 15 plus years. If you don’t believe me, let’s take a trip down memory lane and go into why certain Spider-Man-related properties have suffered in quality because of Sony.

The first thing I’m sure plenty will point to has to why Sony should still be the father of Spider-Man is the success of the trilogy with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire. The superhero trilogy that was arguably the most successful series of superhero movies until the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy came along. Yes, Spider-Man (2002) is notable for starting the 21st century dominance of superhero movies. Yes, Spider-Man 2 is still considered to be one of the greatest superhero movies ever made! However, what about Spider-Man 3, which in the day before memes, was considered to be one of the biggest letdowns in not just superhero movie history but possibly film history in general. Well, that’s where Sony comes in.

The main reason that Spider-Man 3 turned out to be the mess that it did was due to Sony forcing Sam Raimi to include Venom and other notable characters such as Gwen and Captain Stacy strictly because they were fan favorites throughout the webhead’s history. Raimi initially wanted to tackle the Vulture with Sandman and Harry as the new Goblin along with them but because the demands from the higher ups at Sony, most notably infamous producer Avi Arad, those plans were abandoned and he had to give up Vulture for Venom. Never mind the fact that Venom is basically a two-movie arc at best and the Stacys were never even hinted at existence in the previous movies of the Raimiverse. They were here because it’s what the fans want according to Sony. Instead of being patient and saving those potential storylines for a future sequel, Spider-Man 3 tried to please everyone and their mother at the same time with introducing so many different characters and plotlines that it was just a mess. Sure, some might enjoy that movie more than others (such as yours truly), but I think most people will agree that the movie would have been much better if one side just let one side do the movie they wanted instead of just trying to appease both sides at the same time.

Despite the negative reviews for Spider-Man 3, the strong box office numbers did encourage plans for a fourth installment. Sam Raimi was set to return as director along with Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst in their lead roles as Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson respectively. Raimi had stated many times he was not happy with the end results of Spider-Man 3 and wanted Spider-Man 4 to be the needed return to form and the very best one yet. Spider-Man 4 was planned to include Vulture, the villain initially wanted for Spider-Man 3, along with Black Cat. However, he went through many different scripts and revisions and disliked every single one of them. Then came January 2010, which the film was set to begin filming soon to make for a planned May 2011 release date. However, Raimi was still not satisfied with the script and asked Sony for more time on it. Sony refused and because of that, Raimi stepped down from the project and Spider-Man 4 was officially cancelled. Despite the fact that Sony could have afford to give Raimi one more year because they needed a Spider-Man film out by 2012 to keep the rights to the character and NOT by 2011, they let him go and decided it was time for a full reboot.

Strike one!

The 2012 reboot turned out to be The Amazing Spider-Man, directed by Marc Webb and starred Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man and Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy. It was approached by Sony as a darker, lower-scaled reboot compared to the Sam Raimi trilogy, containing a larger focus on the teen drama/high-school dynamic aspects of the character. Despite getting solid reviews at the time of it’s release and was able to make 758 million dollars worldwide, it was not the notable success that Sony had wanted, most likely due to the film’s budget of 200 to 230 million dollars. Many believed that was largely due to having a good chunk of scenes that were notably cut out of the feature film, which includes about over half an hour of deleted scenes.

When it came to figuring out where to go next with the series after the first film, The Avengers had come out and it was a global smash worldwide, making it one of the most financially successful films of all time. Because of that, Sony decided that it would be best for them to try to create a cinematic universe of their own within the universe of The Amazing Spider-Man series. Of course, an Amazing Spider-Man 2 and 3 were greenlight but also were a 4th film, a Sinister Six spin-off, a Venom movie, a Black Cat and Silver Sable movie, and even an Aunt May movie (No, I’m not joking!). With such high plans being put in motion, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 had to be a success both commercially and financially.

Two years later, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out and it could have not gotten worse for Sony if they tried. Not only was it received with much worse reviews than the first one but it also made even less money than the first film, making barely above 700 million dollars worldwide. While making 700 million dollars should been seen as a success, it was not in the eyes of Sony, most notably because they promised their investors that the film would make at least a billion dollars.

If you look at what went wrong from behind the scenes, it’s easy to see why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 turned out the way they did. It was a movie that drew everything but the kitchen sink at it with so many different characters, subplots, and set ups for future films. There was even several deleted scenes that hinted at even more characters and subplots such as Mary Jane Watson played by Shailene Woodley, Felicia Hardy as Black Cat, Norman Osborn alive as a frozen head, and even Peter meeting his not-actually-dead father in person. It was a directional mess where no one in involved either had any idea with what they were doing or just didn’t care in general.

Because of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 underperforming, Sony didn’t know what to do next. It’s then that they were approached by Marvel Studios who wanted to include Spider-Man in one of their upcoming films, Captain America: Civil War. When giving the offer, Sony decided to give up on trying to make their own cinematic universe of Spidey and formed a partnership with Marvel Studios, which would once again reboot the character with a different actor that would be Tom Holland. If you are keeping track at home, that is now TWO different iterations of Spider-Man that Sony wrecked due to their own incompetence and constant interference of the productions of these films.

Strike two!

While everyone has their own opinion of the MCU version of Spider-Man, I think most folks would agree that teaming up with Marvel and giving up on their Amazing Spider-Man universe was the right call for Sony. This led to Spider-Man being feature in three different films of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Spider-Man: Far From Home, and Spider-Man: No Way Home, the latter of which is one of the highest grossing films ever, along with notable appearances in the team-up Avengers movies such as Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War, and Avengers: Endgame. However, that didn’t necessarily stop Sony from trying to make Spider-Man related movies of their own.

Believe it or not, Sony actually committed to making at least one of the spin-off movies they were planning with The Amazing Spider-Man universe, which would turn out to be Venom released in 2018. And believe it or not, despite the bad reviews, it was a massive hit for mainstream audiences, grossing over 850 million dollars worldwide. It was the success of that film that motivated for Sony to do another try at their own cinematic universe but this time putting the spotlight on villains from Spider-Man’s rose gallery.

We got Venom: Let There Be Carnage in 2021 which was a decent hit at around 506 million dollars worldwide but definitely not as much as the first one made, then came Morbius which despite it being the most meme-worthy movie ever, got awful reviews and was a big bomb at the box office (even after it got re-released in theaters again due to the memes), and now there’s Madame Web which is set to do just as bad if not worse than Morbius, both critically and commercially. Now, that makes for three different iterations of Spider-Man related properties that Sony either screw up big time or drove it into the ground.

Strike three and you are out!

It’s also worth mentioning about the brief fallout between Sony and Marvel that happened right after Far From Home came out, which almost made No Way Home not happen in it’s current form. It was believed it was largely to do with Sony and Disney having differences on the amount of profit for upcoming Spider-Man films set within the MCU. It’s also believed that Sony was about to take back the character of Spider-Man himself until Tom Holland called up Bob Iger while drunk, pleading for him and Marvel to work out a deal with Sony to keep Spider-Man in the MCU. It’s unknown whether it’s Sony or Marvel that’s the true bad guy here, the fact that Sony almost lost ANOTHER version of Spider-Man would not have been a good sign on their part.

When you really get back onto to the major problems with Spider-Man medium since 2007, all of that can be traced back to Sony. From forcing Sam Raimi to include characters he didn’t want to in Spider-Man 3, to micromanaging the hell out of The Amazing Spider-Man movies with no real road map or goal in mind, to constantly making these pointless villain origin stories in the hopes it would connect to some version of Spider-Man later on down the road, Sony has had a real problem with the web head for quite a period of time. Sure, we have had Spider-Man (2002), Spider-Man 2 (2004), Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, and the Marvel’s Spider-Man video game series but all of those were clearly done in SPITE of Sony and not because of them.

And even if you want to include those mediums I just mentioned, I could also talk about how Sony basically rushed Insomniac to get Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 out by 2023 when they wanted to push it back to this year to add more polish and features to the game, which likely cost the GOTY awards for that game. Or about how Phil Lord and Chris Miller had to constantly rewrite the script for Across the Spider-Verse due to Sony’s constant interference on the production. Or how they are now butting heads with Marvel Studios for Spider-Man 4 because they would rather chase the success train of No Way Home by doing another multiverse movie instead of taking things down to the street-fighting levels that most fans want and build to another one later on down the road. If anything, the fact that any of those things turned out to be any good at all is simply a miracle.

And with the release of Madame Web that is set to crash and bomb at the box office, I think it’s time more than ever for Sony to give up all of their rights to Spider-Man and return them to Marvel. Aside from Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, Marvel’s Spider-Man 3 game, and MCU’s Spider-Man 4, there is nothing they have coming up that looks even remotely promising under their control, just with the partnership with other studios. Kraven the Hunter looks like another generic by-the-numbers villain origin film, Venom 3 will likely inherit the same problems of it’s predecessors and rely strictly on Tom Hardy’s star power to save the day, and who knows if those reported Miles Morales film, Spider-Women Spider-Verse film, and that Silk series will ever see the light of day. These all could be promising projects but I trust Sony to handle them well about as far as I can throw them.

Say what you will about the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe but you can’t seriously tell me that they would do any worse with the full Spider-Man property than what Sony is doing right now with their villain-led cinematic universe. There’s no sign of passion or love from any off these movies coming from the cast and crew, only obligation and corporation. Just look at the press tour of Madame Web and how it’s cast and crew is openly throwing shade at the movie which they are a part off. I think even they know they made a mistake signing up because of Sony likely promising them something they never really meant.

Have there been great content under Sony’s license of Spider-Man? Absolutely! But with the current situation going on between them, Marvel, and the state of superhero movies in general, they can no longer be trusted with handling Spider-Man. They have have countless time to prove they can do Spider-Man related stories without Marvel or anyone else but they have failed spectacularly. The fact that they didn’t greenlight an Amazing Spider-Man 3 with Andrew Garfield and/or a Spider-Man 4 with Tobey Maguire after No Way Home but instead greenlighted Madame Webb and Kraven the Hunter is really all you need to know about the way they run things over there. Even they don’t know what they want for Spider-Man anymore.

Because of all that I’ve just mentioned and more, I think I speak for a large majority of Spider-Man fans out there by saying that it’s time for Spider-Man to come fully home to Marvel at long last.

Madame Web (2024) Movie Review- A Madame Webbing Time

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Here we go again, ladies and gentlemen! Time for another installment in the HOTTEST cinematic universe going on at the movie, the S(cam)ony Villain Cinematic Universe! It started off with a BANG with the turd in the wind that was Venom, followed with Venom: Let There Be Carnage which lived up to the promise of the post credits where Woody Harrleson said, “When I get out of here and I will, there’s gonna be CARNAGE!!!!“, and then came Morbius which offered one absolutely MORBIN TIME that had audiences stand and cheer in the theaters all around the world. Finally, we have Madame Web and as it’s title suggests, it’s the ultimate MADAME WEBBING EXPEREINCE!

Sure, the plot itself might be relatively non-existent, relying on the most unlikely coincidences, multiple continuity errors, bizarre contrivances, and absolute defiance of actual logic imaginable. Sure, it might contain some of the sloppiest and incoherent editing that you will likely see all year. Sure, the action might be very poor, with a climax that is so tense that you can’t even see what the f*ck is happening onscreen. Sure, it has a talented cast that could not look more embarrassed to be there and have been crapping all over this movie throughout their entire press tour. Sure, it feels like a superhero movie that came out in 2003 (which is the actual year which this movie is set in). And sure, the biggest line of the trailer, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died,” isn’t even in the damn movie at all. However, there is no other movie out there that is will give you a more MADAME WEBBING experience than this MADAME WEBBING masterwork!

I would go into the plot itself but considering the fact that it’s basically the plot of every Final Destination movie every and about every “chase” movie imaginable, it’s relatively pointless too. However, the big important thing here is the way that Madame Web MASTERFULLY ties into Sony’s Cinematic Universe. First off, it answers the two BIGGEST questions that EVERYONE has always had about Spider-Man! 1.) What was Uncle Ben doing in his years as a hot paramedic? and 2.) What happened the night that Peter Parker’s mother Mary, gave birth to him? I know that I was always wanting the answer to those questions and thankfully, the film answers that in a way that is so dumb that it’s secretly brilliant. The LAYERS this film has are just something else!

We of course have to get into the four leading women carrying the picture! They could not have had more perfect chemistry if they even tried. Even though the ways they are connected with each other is probably some of the biggest coincidences I’ve ever seen in an motion picture with relationship dynamics that make little to no sense (Mattie is angry as Anya for literally no reason throughout the entire movie!), it’s something so refreshing to see so many women leading a superhero flick! Sure, The Marvels was….okay I guess but Madame Web is really how a female-lead superhero film is suppose to be! You just let them work out their girl powers (No pun intended!) and let them kick ass in ways that are incoherent and hard to follow on screen. And unlike The Marvels which was a huge bomb, Madame Web is for sure set to make MADAME WEBBING DOLLARS!

And unlike say that woke Suicide Squad game that made me not want to wank off to Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman, Madame Web actually lets the ladies show off a little screen. With their nice hair, skin tight outfits, and absurd amount of make up that makes them look like models (despite them all suppose to be teenage girls that are really played by girls in their 20s), this is definitely a female-led movie that’s made for guys. After all, women in superhero media aren’t suppose to be their own fleshed out characters who have their own goals, personalities, and superpowers, they only exist to be in interest of men and men alone. Let women have Barbie! Way to know your audience, Sony!

Of course, this is all Dakota Johnson’s movie as it’s suppose to be considering well..it is a Madame Web movie that tells the origin story of Madame Web. I will warn you though, it’s an INCREDIBLY slow burn where nothing much happens and you’ll likely find yourself as half awake that Dakota Johnson looks in the entire movie. You get every single detail about Cassie Webb in her early days as a hot paramedic, right down to spending time with her cat and how she absurdly got her powers. Although, it doesn’t revolve around the Amazon with her mom when she was researching spiders right before she died, it does take it’s time to show off the same superpower over and over and over again because the writers can’t seem to think of any other clever way to show off her powers. It does require your patience but I promise you the whole ten seconds of her in that ICONIC red suit at the VERY end of the movie is all worth it.

And speaking of which, this movie does SUCH a good job as fleshing out these female characters that you don’t even notice that they aren’t even in their Spider-Women costumes for 99.999999% of the movie. From my estimate, the ladies have about as much screentime in their superHERoine outfits as Taylor Swift did in the Super Bowl, which was a mere 54 seconds btw. Even though the whole purpose of a superHERoine origin story is seeing them turn into a superHERoine at least by the half way point, this cleverly keeps it as minimum as possible, leaving the audience want more from the future. After all, as the good old saying goes, LESS is MORE! And you could have not done MORE with LESS than with this movie.

A big credit has to go to writing duo of Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless. Coming high off their MORBIN masterpiece that was Morbius, they somehow are able to top themselves here! They manage to come up with a script that feels like the most sloppy first copy of a draft imaginable, almost like the equivalent of writing things on the fly, and have it feel as disjointed of a film that I’ve ever seen. It’s GENIUS writing if I’ve ever seen one! This is the kind of duo that should be an inspiration to screenwriters everywhere! Because now you know you can have a script that has no coherent storyline or consistent character motivations in order to get a movie made!

We also have to get credit to S.J. Clarkson, making her directional film debut. Sure, she might have directed some okay episodes of Jessica Jones and The Defenders but she REALLY brought her A-game here. That might have to do with the fact that the film at large feels like a two-hour pilot for a television series that will likely NEVER see the light of day. With the way the low 80 million dollar budget is painfully on screen, how it has so many forced tie-ins at such a brisk pace, and how by the end, it leaves plenty of plot elements up in the air for future entries to continue upon, she could not have been a better choice for Sony. She was able to make a film that stood strictly on it’s own that it didn’t even need a post credit scene to justify it’s existence. Take notes, Disney and Marvel!

The cinematography is stunning with so much visual imagery that dives deeply into Cassie’s self conscious and her powers, the editing feels incredibly ADHD and feels more like it was edited by folks who do trailers rather than movies, the action is all over the place and sloppy like it’s main characters are, and the score is so one note you could swear that Johan Söderqvist was half awake the entire time composing it. And unlike other superhero flicks, it actually spares most of the CGI and saves it for it’s intense climax, with effects that look about as fake and green screen than any movie that I’ve seen in quite some time. An absolute A effort for everyone involved.

In conclusion, Madame Web truly lives up to it’s title and makes for a Madame Webbing time at the theaters. It’s so astonishing that it leaves me anxious to see where this ill-fated and not thought out at all cinematic universe is going. More importantly, which Spider-Man universe is this suppose to connect in? It was suppose to be Andrew Garfield but no one liked that whiny brat in the Amazing Spider-Man movies so pass. It was suppose to be Tom Holland until Sony realized that would make NO logical sense for this to take place in the MCU, so much so that they had to rewrite the entire script while shooting. And with the way Peter Parker is born in this movie, it leaves the room for ANOTHER Spider-Man to join this universe in the future.

Even so, we got Kick-Ass/the inferior Quicksilver coming up as Kraven the Hunter in August and Bane/Mad Max in Venom 3 coming out in October. There’s PLENTY of content we have left to get through before the inevitable Sinister Six movie happens and Sony makes up their mind on whatever Spider-Man they want to join this universe. With this cinematic universe clearly not slowing down any time soon, I think Marvel Studios and DC should be taking notes here. This is how you do a cinematic universe!

Madame Webbing Web made for one Madame Webbing time and I can’t wait to see this film madame webbing again.

This is an easy four out of stars for me! Move over Dune Part II and Deadpool III, THIS is the movie of 2024!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Especially you, Sony! Keep up the madame webbing work!

Thanks for checking out my review! I sure hope it was as sloppy and all over the place as this entire film was!

Real thoughts:

This movie is undoubtedly the most fascinating mess of a movie that I’ve seen in quite some time, feeling more like a POC than an actual feature film. It’s certainly more competently made than say….Morbius but it feels as ever bit as much of an obligation to make as that. I might have to make a piece on this soon but after Beyond the Spider-Verse, Sony really needs to give the film rights of Spider-Man back to Marvel. These villain movies are becoming more and more nonsensical by the day. It’s clear that audiences don’t want to see them as much as Sony doesn’t want to make them! So, stop doing it, please!

Maybe a one and a half out of four stars if I’m being generous.

Probably will change it to one out of four stars once I sleep on it though!

Also, this is still the GOAT Madame Web btw!

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day!