Sports is a game of failure. No matter how many games you win, there will be plenty that you will lose. Even when you are able to climb up the top of the mountain and win it all, there will follow numerous of attempts before and after where you fall down from that mountain brutally. And to be sure, you will fall plenty. But why is it we fall, you may ask? *in Michael Caine’s voice* So, we can learn to pick ourselves up.
It’s that simple note of advice that makes victory taste even greater when you are to finally accomplish it. While losing in sports tends to sting, what stings even more is watching your arch-nemesis and a person/team you loathe being able to achieve great success when they don’t deserve it. In this case, I’m talking about Stan Kroenke.
The Colorado Avalanche just won this year’s Stanley Cup. It’s their first cup since 2001 and their third overall in franchise history. They took the Tampa Bay Lightning to six games and prevented them from winning their third consecutive cup and Pat Maroon winning his fourth straight. However, this is not the only championship that a team owned by Stan Kroenke himself won. His own Los Angeles Rams won the Super Bowl just over four months ago when they defeated the Cincinnati Bengals. That in of itself is quite an accomplishment for a sports owner to win two major sports titles in the same year. If only it was awarded to a good sports owner or even just a good human being.
I’m going to be real here. There is not a single person I hate more in sports than Stan Kroenke! I’m not just speaking as a St. Louisan who watched Kroenke crashed and wreck the Rams so he could convince the NFL to move them to LA to light up his pockets! I’m speaking as someone that is a fan of sports that Kroenke is everything that is wrong with sports ownership today! Not just because he’s someone that couldn’t care less about his teams winning, but that he is actually winning despite not caring at all. He’s selfish, greedy, manipulative, only cares about himself, and is an absolute f*cking liar! He was able to convince the NFL to move the Rams from St. Louis to Los Angeles based on a lie! A move that was swindling, shameless, and 100% not legal!
It’s not only my experience of the awful job he did with owning the Rams when they were in St. Louis but how terrible of a job has done with other teams and how much of those fanbases don’t seem to care much for him either.
Fans of Colorado sports teams such as Avalanche and the Nuggets were only able to watch their teams on Direct TV because Comcast and Dish Networks were at odds with Kroenke-owned altitude tv. You think he cares about that? Nope!
Aresnal fans help ranked Kroenke as one of the top bottom five worst owners in the Premier League! You think he cares about that? Nope!
And do I need to even mention the massive backlash Kroenke received over the whole European Super League controversy where all of Aresnal practically came together to let the sick man know how much everyone hates his guts there! You think he cares? Nope!
And these are only a handful of examples of what this disaster of a sports owner he is!
Despite all of this, Kroenke has won multiples times! In the four major sports, he’s won two Super Bowls and three Stanley Cups. If you include other sports, he also has an MLS cup with Rapids and two National Lacrosse League championships with the Mammoth. Despite proving time and time again that he could care less about winning or the fanbases of the teams that he has own, he is still winning! Despite having his teams go through awful and dour years where they have had to build from scratch, he is still winning! Despite committing acts as a owner that are flat out illegal, he is still winning! Despite being the last owner in the world who deserve any sort of championship success or any kind of trophy case, he is still winning!
This is true, cruel reality that we live in that a madman like Stan Kroenke can have as much success as he does. This is not like a movie where the hero will always find a way to be the villain. Even if that villain is able to achieve victory, the hero will always be the one to have the last laugh in the end. The villain might win the battle but we all know by the end of the movie that the hero will win the war. The same thing that can’t be said with what goes on in the real world. In the real world, especially in sports, it’s always the scum and villainy that gets the last laugh and ends up winning the battle and the war at the same time! Whether it’s waving a dollar sign at the problem or having their own personal advantages, the bad guys will always win! And I’ve had to watch the bad guy win gold twice in the same year! I can’t tell you how much that hurt me and plenty others on the inside. Just dreadful!
Links to other articles about this infamous man whose points I referenced in this post:
As much as I hate the Avalanche, the LA Rams were a really fun team last year that I would have rooted if they had been own by any other owner in football and I’m dead serious!
Can’t tell you how much it hurt for me to look up pictures of Kroenke lifting up a trophy of some sorts! It would be like the Avengers having to publish a photo of Thanos sitting proudly into the sunset after doing his one deed.
I was way more quiet about this on Twitter than I should have been but as much as I think Nazem Kadri is a dirty player who I hate to see winning a cup, death threats and racism are INCREDIBLY wrong! Every single person who send Kadri a racist comment or a threat of any sort deserves cruel punishment for it! That is just not acceptable in any way!
Today marks the 25th anniversary of Batman and Robin, not just one of the most infamous superhero/comic books movies ever made but one of the most infamous overall movies ever made. This move has been hated and ripped apart by everyone and is considered to be the absolute blackhole of superhero/comic book movies. The one movie that nearly killed the entire sub-genre for an extended period of time and has its rightful place on the Hollywood Hall of Shame. Batman fans hate it, moviegoers hate it, and even the people behind making the movie hate it. However, while Batman and Robin is no doubt a very bad and even plain terrible movie but I would not call it the worst superhero movie ever made. Heck, I won’t even put it in my top 10 or even 20 on my list of worst superhero movies. I know some of you all are rushing into the comments and my mentions on Twitter to tell me how crazy I am but hear me out.
While Batman and Robin is no doubt the exact textbook definition of a bad movie, it’s at least a movie you can watch and have a good time with it’s badness. It has such an absolute camp value to it that you just can’t help but laugh at it. Not laughing WITH it mind you but AT it! There’s a difference! That is a big reason as to why I can’t call it the worst or even my least favorite superhero movie ever made. It’s just too much fun to watch the pure awfulness that is this disaster! To celebrate the 25th birthday of this beautiful disasterpiece, I’ve decided to name 25 superhero movies that I believe to be worse than Batman and Robin.
Before I start the list, here’s a couple of disclaimers.
1.) I’m only going to be counting movies that are strictly an adaption of a superhero or comic book of some sorts.
2.) I’m only going to be referring to live-action superhero movies, so animated superhero movies like say Batman: The Killing Joke doesn’t count.
3.) These movies will not be ranked in any particular order and is only going to be in the order of the release dates.
4.) This is strictly my opinions. If you somehow happen to like any of these movies, and/or still think that Batman and Robin is the worst thing to ever exist, then more power to you!
Here we go!
Supergirl(1984)
Did you know that they made a Supergirl movie one time? No?! Well, lucky you because it sucked pretty hard! This was basically nothing more than a poor attempt to cash in on the Christopher Reeve Superman movies without any of the heart and passion that the good ones had. It’s cheap, poorly made, and is absurdly forgettable! Melissa Benoist run as Supergirl may be over but she can at least sleep well knowing she played no part in what is easily the worst Supergirl adaption ever.
Howard the Duck(1986)
Believe it or not, there was actually a time where George Lucas was involved in a Marvel movie of some sort. Ok, he was actually just an executive producer but still. While this has (shockingly) gained a cult following, I can’t for the life for me stand this film. This is almost like the Marvel version of Cats, the kind of a movie that makes you wonder why anyone behind the production didn’t think just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD. It’s incredibly unfunny, the acting is terrible, it can’t make up it’s mind if it wants to be overly funny or serious, and Howard the Duck himself is just an absolute abomination of a thing that is hard to look at. Thank god for James Gunn and Guardians of the Galaxy for being able to redeem the character in just a simple post credit scene.
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace(1987)
If you thought Batman and Robin was a hard rock bottom for the character, then you should check out Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Not only is this easily one of the worst superhero movies ever made, it’s by far one of the worst main big budget movies ever made. Even at the time of it’s release, it’s looks and feels incredibly cheap with obvious green screens, lazy editing, and awful transaction. Throw in an absurdly stupid script, laughable dialogue, no logic, sense, or flow to anything happening, and incredibly phoned-in performances and you get the big shitty picture. It can be argued that this also can be qualified as a “so bad it’s good” kind of movie but at least B&R had some passion from some of the people involved with it. With Quest for Peace, it’s very clear that no one cared about the movie and Christopher Reeve especially was just over with. What a crappy end to arguably the best Superman ever!
Captain America(1990)
It’s hard to believe there was a time that DC was much better at making movies than Marvel. Just a year after DC came out with their smash hit that was Tim Burton’s Batman, Marvel’s answer to that was with this piece of crap that is Captain America (1990). This doesn’t feel like a Hollywood feature but more like a fan film. Hell, even most fan films out there are better than whatever this is. It lacks pretty much anything a superhero movie or just plain movie in general needs to be worthwhile. It lacks a required budget, actual directing, a cohesive plot, or even any form of entertainment value of it. Seeing Captain America steal a car is kinda funny, I guess. Other than that, Marvel sure did have a rough early 90s.
Steel(1997)
Coming out in 1997, the same year that Batman and Robin came out, Steel was yet another failed attempt to make a big sports athlete into a Hollywood star and man does it all fall flat on it’s face. As if that Shaq Fu game wasn’t terribly enough, we had to suffer seeing Shaq in a movie as well. It’s sloppily made, terribly acted, and Steel himself is one of the lamest superheroes ever in any form of fiction. Shaquille O’Neill may be one hell of a basketball player but someone must’ve took too many basketballs to the head to make this movie a reality. Not only does this movie help support the fact that Batman and Robin isn’t the worst superhero movie made, it wasn’t even the worst superhero movie released in 1997. That honor gladly goes towards Steel. I’ll take Arnold’s cheesy puns any day over anything in this abomination!
Catwoman (2004)
If you thought things couldn’t get bad enough with DC with Steel, then oh boy Catwoman surely deserve a seat at that table! What is there to say about this movie that hasn’t already been said? It’s a complete trainwreck from top to bottom! The direction is wrong, the writing is atrocious, the dialogue is a joke, the CGI is painfully unfinished, the costume design is some of the worst ever put to film, the pacing is so slow that it makes it 104 minute long runtime feel like 104 hours and it doesn’t even come close to capturing the spirit of it’s title character or her source material. Poor Halle Berry tries to make it all work but everything else lets her down badly. It really sucks that for a long while, this was really the best that Hollywood could come up with in making female-led superhero movies.
At least it gave us this glorious Razzie acceptance speech from Halle Berry herself!
Blade: Trinity (2004)
Before X-Men: The Last Stand and Spider-Man 3, folks got their first glance at a disappointing three-quel from Marvel with Blade: Trinity. Like a number of Part Threes, Trinity biggest problem ranges from trying to be bigger and grander than the other two Blade movies and it ends up just being louder, messier, and more obnoxious. Not to mention, it tries to be the campiest of the Blade movies that somehow mangers to be more awkward and unfitting than even what Joel Schumacher and WB did with B&R. This ended up being the first of the failed trilogy of superhero movies that somehow managed to star Ryan Reynolds. Boy, was he in for a rough one!
Elektra (2005)
Marvel’s equivalent to Catwoman! Taking a spin-off for a side strong female character that had been in development hell forever, finally gets released after several years too late, wastes the talents of it’s lead actress, and has no idea why it’s title character was appealing in the first place or just why they even bother to make a movie in general. While you can least argue that Batman and Robin and even Catwoman was at least bizarre in it’s badness, Elektra manages to be just plain boring in it’s badness. I might not have hated the Daredevil movie as much as most people (which is why that is not on this list) but this was just an absolute chore to get through. Thank goodness for Marvel Netflix to revive Daredevil and Elektra themselves!
The Spirit (2008)
If you ever look the definition of “tryhard” in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to find a picture of this movie. I can’t think of much movies out there that feels as contrived and forced as this movie does. From every single creative decision made to every single line of dialogue to every single performance in the movie, there is nothing about it that feels natural, organic, and in any way coherent. Frank Miller’s adaption of the comic strip of the same name shows that writing a script for a comic book is not entirely the same as writing a script for a movie. It showcases Miller’s flaws as a story writer on full display, right from the glorious oversexualization of women, too focus on being broody than depth and shock value for the shake of shock value. There’s nothing fun, entertaining, or even anything to laugh at here like with B&R! It’s nothing but torture!
There’s not many movies out there that I can say that is as legit painful to watch as The Spirit.
X-Men: Origins Wolverine(2009)
The worst that the X-Men franchise has gotten in Origins: Wolverine shows what happens when a comic book movie tries to do too much with such little effort. This glorified attempt at making an compelling origin story for it’s main character falls flat in every single way. With too many characters, overloaded subplots, endless retcons and contrivances, and insulting logic, this was about as rock bottom as it could come with this series! Not even the pitch perfect casting of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool and Huge Jackman’s always reliably compelling performance as Wolverine could save this trainwreck! And don’t get me started with what they did with Deadpool! It makes me sick to my stomach!
The X-Men franchise has been very hit or miss with it’s quality but Origins: Wolverine is about as much of a miss as you can get.
Jonah Hex (2010)
Before Josh Brolin took on the role of the Thanos and Cable, he started off superhero/comic book movies with this. The best thing you can say about Jonah Hex is that unlike with a number amount of movies on this list, it has the decency to be just under a hour and 21 minutes long, including credits. That’s about where the praises end.
This is one of those movies which you can tell was rushed during the whole production to get it done exactly on it’s scheduled deadline. Everything feels chaotic, rushed, and forced that it’s impossible to get into it because the movie itself never allows the audience too. At least Megan Fox is nice to look at, I guess.
Green Lantern(2011)
If you wanna talk about superhero movies that were an absolute disappointments, it’s hard to think of many as disappointing as Green Lantern. How in the world did this movie turn out the way it did will all this talent on and off the camera? This could not have been a more bad and painfully generic superhero movie if it tried. The writing is incredibly cliche, the CGI is lackluster, the themes and messages are complete BS and constantly contradict themselves, and the constant sequel bait gets tiresome from the first moment on. And the fact that this was suppose to help kick off a cinematic universe for DC and show prove they could do superhero movies other than Batman is the real nail on the coffin.
Thankfully, Ryan Reynolds went on to eventually find a superhero role that worked for him five years later and even got together with his future wife with the lovely Blake Lively. I guess that’s something.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)/ The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)
Have you ever had movies you knew deep down were really bad but you were in constant denial of it because you’re such a big fan of the character? That as my experience with these two Amazing Spider-Man movies. This incredibly ill-conceived duology shows how everything can go wrong when trying to build a foundation without first checking to see if it’s a foundation that anyone wants any involvement in. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s talent are greatly wasted here with two movies that don’t understand why Spider-Man has been a compelling character the way he is for all these years and can never bother to hide it’s absolute cynical nature for itself. These two movies are so bad that not even the good things in it are worth bringing up. It doesn’t matter that they feature arguably the best romance, web swinging, and Spider-Man costume out of any of the movies because none of those elements are put to good use or mean anything in the long run.
When you get to the endings for both films that changes the status quo for Peter after losing a loved one only to pull a switch-a-roo and have things go back to where they were before those incidents, it makes you wonder what the point to either one of these movies were other than to cockblock Marvel from owning the rights to Spider-Man.
Poor Andrew Garfield, you deserved much better! At least you got your chance to shine in No Way Home!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Anyone remember when Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and he is apparently doing it again)? Yet again it’s another try at taking a silly and wacky property and trying to make it dark and serious! Just like most of those that foolishly try to do that, those elements stick out in a really bad way. These fun and goofy turtles doesn’t mesh well in a realistic world whatsoever, they are hideous to look at, the script is poorly written and somehow manages to come across as an even worse version of The Amazing Spider-Man, there’s way too much on April herself, and it’s constantly feels the need to answer origin story questions that no one demanded answers too.
There’s a couple of fun moments in here (most notably the elevator scene) and even Megan Fox is not that bad as April O’Neil but this was an absolute turd. Despite Out of the Shadows being a mild improvement, this reboot series of TMNT was an absolute waste of time!
Fant4stic(2015)
Yes, I’m referring to it as Fant4stic because that is what it was referred to in the marketing! This is one of those movies that is not just terrible but it’s just flat out embarrassing! It’s embarrassing that a movie that is clearly unfinished and hacked to the bones can actually be released into actual theaters! It’s embarrassing that the people involved with it tried to make something completely dark and edgy onto completely kid friendly material! It’s embarrassing that they got this hugely talented cast and gives them nothing to work with! It’s embarrassing that Doctor Doom was able to happen at all! It’s embarrassing that the ending was allowed to happen the way it did! This movie is just a flat out embarrassment!
Fant4stic is not only a black hole for superhero movies but filmmaking in general. This is one of those movies that when watching it, you can’t help but ask, “How did this actually get released in theaters?” That is a question that I still have yet to get a full answer to.
Batman v Superman(2016)
I’m still in awe how you take a crossover like Batman and Superman and make it so long, dull, and joyless. The plot is an absolute convoluted mess no matter which version you watch and the conflict between Batman and Superman is so incredibly ridiculous that it hard to take it seriously. It’s a film that wants to comes across as the most grand and ambitious movie every made, but really doesn’t have much to say on anything it’s talking about. Other than trying to cram two to three movies worth of material into one film, there’s nothing really risky or daring about Dawn of Justice.
Ben Affleck is fine in the role and there’s a few standout moments here but that’s nowhere near enough to save this failure. Even the ultimate edition which some claim “saves” the movie is really just has more of the same things that were wrong in the first place save for being slightly better paced and edited.
X-Men: Apocalypse(2016)
How do you follow up with one of the best and most exciting X-Men movies in the series with Days of Future Past? By wasting Oscar Isaac in an incredibly boring villain role, that’s how! After the last X-entry, the series was free to go where ever it chose and do whatever the hell it wanted. Where did it go exactly? In the absolute wrong direction! What an absolute slog this turned out to be!
The pacing is way too slow, the middle act is practically non-existent, nearly every X-Men character is wasted, the CGI and green screen effects are incredibly poor, and Apocalypse is just an absolute disaster of a villain! A couple of good character moments spread throughout regardless, this was an absolute wasted opportunity.
It’s baffling how the one X-Men movie that Bryan Singer did strictly as an obligation (Days of Future Past) turned out to be a million times better than the one X-Men movie he actually wanted to make from the start (Apocalypse).
Also, f*ck that stab at Return of the Jedi!
And f*ck Bryan Singer as well!
Suicide Squad (2016)
It’s baffling how you can take a movie that has this fun and exciting premise and a superbly talented cast (outside of Jai Courtney and Joel Kinnaman) and somehow manage to execute it in the worst way possible. Attempting to take a page from Guardians of the Galaxy with it’s style and soundtrack, Suicide Squad is like to trying to build a puzzle with pieces that clearly don’t fit. It’s clear that this wasn’t what David Ayer had in mind when he first signed one for this as he clearly envisioned something more bleak and grounded.
It also doesn’t help that it has a rushed script that makes no sense, terrible AD-HD editing, pointless characters and subplots, cringe dialogue that sounds like it was ripped straight out of a 90s video game, and a premise that crumbles when you think about it for a split second. Not even the superb casting of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, Will Smith as Deadshot, and Viola Davis as Amanda Wallers can save this mess! At least two of these three folks would be better used in later DC properties.
Justice League (2017)
It’s unbelievable about how not only the first ever live-action JL movie doesn’t work, but it has to be one of the most average, lifeless, and forgettable superhero movies ever made. The course correction from BvS is painfully obvious on screen that it’s downright embarrassing. This came across as more of a straight-to-dvd Avengers knock-off that you would find at the bargain bin at the Dollar Store than an actual Justice League movie. A handful of moments (or at least the ones I can remember) are cool in their own right but it’s incredibly unforgiveable just how cheap, hollow, and unmemorable this whole experience is.
At least the other version is much better, right?!
Venom (2018)
I know this has it’s fans and was a clear box office smash but I just don’t see the appeal here. Even if you can get into Tom Hardy’s batshit crazy performance, way too much time is spent on a terribly boring origin story with awful pacing, writing, and editing to it. It’s only over halfway through the movie where we finally see Eddie Brock as Venom and transforming into a buddy-cop/bromance movie that there’s some amusement to it. That ultimately leads to a rushed villain arc and one of the most lackluster climax I’ve ever seen in any superhero movie!
Venom himself looks cool I guess but he just doesn’t work as his own villain without Spider-Man’s presence in the story. Bad guys are bad guys for a season! Sometimes it’s best to leave them as that or you get a turd like this as a result! A turd in the wind!
Hellboy (2019)
One of the most pointless reboots of all time! It doesn’t do anything that Del Toro’s films didn’t do better and hardly does anything that Del Toro’s films didn’t already do. But, hooray for f-bombs and more blood and gore, amirite?
This is yet more proof that going full R-rated won’t matter if the material you have is not good. It’s a complete mess with numerous subplots that go no where, way too much sequel setup, and action that only gets exciting until the last 20 or so minutes. And like Independence Day: Resurgence, the ending teases a movie that sounds much better than the one you just watch and makes you wonder why they didn’t just make that movie in the first place.
It makes me wish that WB just paid Guillermo however much he wanted to make his third movie happen. Can’t imagine that being worse or even a bigger bomb than this was.
Dark Phoenix (2019)
You can debate whether this or The Last Stand was a worse adaption of the Dark Phoenix saga but I’m putting my foot down with the 2019 release of Dark Phoenix itself. As underwhelming as Last Stand was, that at least had more effort put into it and had some sort of emotional investment from the first two X-Men movies to pay off of.
This movie on the other hand lacks any sort of groundwork or proper payoff. We are expected to care about versions of X-Men characters we just meet one movie ago and is expected to have the sort of gravitational emotional weight that Endgame provided. It doesn’t even come close to capturing a quarter of that since these are the versions of the characters we have spent the least amount of time with and there’s not much of a proper finale to build to. Not to mention the cheapness of the filmmaking on display despite it’s massive budget and actors that are clearly over this franchise. Sophie Turner and Han Zimmer bring their A-game here but no one else does. Even the usually reliable James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender phone it in hard!
Sad to see such a long-running franchise go out with a complete whimper.
The New Mutants (2021)
If it wasn’t for Kick-Ass 2, this would probably take the cake as being the most forgettable superhero movie I’ve ever seen. The New Mutants had an interesting idea going for it by being more small-scale than most superhero movies and going with a more horror tone. Too bad there’s nothing even remotely interesting, scary, or even memorable about this movie.
Way too much time is spent at the hospital and characters explaining their motivations and themselves to everyone one else instead focusing on the new mutants and their powers. Even had this movie not come out during the Covid pandemic and somehow made it’s way into completely empty theaters nearly three years after it’s first trailer was released, this is one movie that most of everyone would have likely forgot about the second the credits roll.
Between Dark Phoenix and this, I think it’s best to pretend that Logan was the true finale to the Fox X-Men series!
Morbius (2022)
I don’t care about all the glorious memes that this movie created or that it has Matt Smith hamming it up, it is still complete and utter crap. The worst thing about Morbius isn’t just that it’s poorly made, has no engaging characters, no exciting action beats, and has practically no identity of it’s own but that it’s mere existence inhabits everything that is wrong about modern superhero movies. The kind of movies that are not just bad but ones that studios try to force onto the mainstream audiences just to pretend that the movie they’re watching that they don’t like might lead them to want to watch another movie which they may or may not like. That awful post credit scene with Michael Keaton’s Vulture is suppose to be the main selling point of this entire movie and it’s not even the movie itself.
Say what you will about other recent superhero movies, those at least gives you something to chew on after the credits roll. Morbius doesn’t bother trying to give you anything! Even Batman and Robin gave you something truly special in it’s sheer awfulness that you would at least remember it.
It gives you nothing, nothing at all!
So, there you have it! That is 25 superhero movies that I would rather watch Batman and Robin over! Do you agree with more or think I’m crazy and that B&R is the worst abomination ever?! Let me know in the comments below and feel free to follow me through social media on Twitter, YouTube, and Letterboxd.
Also, feel free to check out the other piece I wrote about Batman and Robin doing my Batman marathon I did in preparation for the release of The Batman.
The big movie to release this Father’s Day weekend is Pixar’s newest feature film, Lightyear, a spin-off of the Toy Story series which has Buzz Lightyear himself as the title character and is suppose to be the one film that was basically the equivalent of Andy’s Star Wars. The big blockbuster that supposedly released in 1995 (or at least that was the year that Andy watched it) that became Andy’s favorite movie of all time and one that made him one to buy a Buzz Lightyear action figure. What makes Lightyear a bit more important when compared to the last few Pixar films is that this is the first movie to come out in a post-Covid world. Whereas Soul, Luca, and Turning Red were strictly exclusive to Disney Plus to watch, Lightyear makes the first Pixar film since Onward to be released in theaters. To say this movie is a big deal for Pixar would be an understatement. Not only does the gold standard of animated films is allowed to have a movie on the big screen again but this could be a sign that mainstream audiences may or may not be interested in watching animation in theaters as opposed to their own homes. Unfortunately, if the early underperforming box office results are any indication, the future for Pixar in theaters could be in crumbles.
There are a number of scenarios as to why Lightyear hasn’t done so hot at the box office. The biggest one that I imagine most will come too is that the inclusion of an LGBTQ+ couple in the movie (who, *mild spoilers*, don’t appear again after the first 20 minutes of the movie) is a big turn-off because the world is full of folks who still can’t accept same-sex couples as a real thing. If that was the case, then I would like an explanation as to why Multiverse of Madness became a near billion dollar grosser despite there being a scene with America Chavez being with her two moms and how Jurassic World Dominion will most likely be a billion dollar grosser despite having an opening bisexual side character taking good chunks of screen time.
Others would also suggested it’s a change of voice actors from the one white guy who played Captain America (Chris Evans) to the one white guy who played Santa Claus (Tim Allen) because the former is more politically correct. If that was the case, then I would like an explanation as to why the latter still was allowed to come back for Toy Story 4 and is even getting his own Disney Plus series (Yes, a Santa Clause series is really in the works!)
However, I think the big reason for it is a bit more complicated than most folks are willing to admit. It’s not that nobody wanted a Buzz Lightyear movie like some have suggested, fans of Toy Story have wanting a Buzz Lightyear movie on the big screen for years if you ask a certain number of them. It’s that nobody at Pixar seemed to understand WHY people wanted a Buzz Lightyear movie based off the promos of the movie.
To tell you the truth, if it wasn’t for the fact that the title character was called Buzz Lightyear and the actual title of the movie itself was called, Lightyear, I don’t think I would have guessed that this was suppose to be the movie that is based on the iconic toy of Buzz Lightyear himself. When watching this movie and going back to all the easter eggs and references presented in the Toy Story films about Buzz himself, you would be hard press to discover that this was the movie that Andy would call his favorite of all time.
Aside from Buzz and (kinda) Zurg himself, there is hardly anything in Lightyear that feels reminiscent of the character of Buzz himself. There’s none of those lovable iconic aliens, no references to Pizza Planet, he hardly flies around in his space suit like he did in say the opening of Toy Story 2, and includes side characters, while not necessarily bad, are not even hinted at and referenced in any of the Toy Story movies (Especially Sox, why wouldn’t Andy want to have a toy of him too?!).
Also, while it’s definitely great for Pixar to include openly LGBT characters in their films, this was a really strange film to start doing it with. It’s really hard to buy a major studio making a movie for kids in the 1980s and 90s (Again, it is stated that this movie was watched by Andy in 1995!) being that openly progressive back then. It kinda makes you wonder why we didn’t see any queer or gay characters in the Toy Story movies aside from random background characters or why Andy didn’t pair Jessie and Bo Peep together as a couple during one of his playing times. It’s elements like this that makes Lightyear all the more baffling and makes you wonder why Pixar bluntly chose to ignore the history of their beloved character that they themselves established.
Say what you will about that other Buzz Lightyear movie that went straight to VHS and how that was basically just a toy commercial/a pilot for that tv series (one that Pixar or at least John Lasseter still wants you to forget ever happen), but that at least felt more consistent with the Buzz character that the first two movies established along with the majorly successful toyline that the Lightyear franchise had. It had the iconic aliens, it had the cartoon and sci-fi-like feel that felt majorly appreciate, it had Buzz operating more as a space ranger and had him fly around movie, it made his iconic lines feel more organic to the situation, and it also had Zurg as his main nemesis who was definitely not actually *SPOILER*! Like that movie or not, that at least felt like an expansion of the Buzz Lightyear character that the main toy character from the Toy Story movies was based on. That is something I can hardly say for Lightyear.
Even taken out my own personal grips on the movie, the lukewarm reviews for the movie hasn’t help much either or it’s review bombing from trolls on Imdb (which btw, we really got to stop trusting as a reliable source). Lightyear hasn’t been made anything more from critics than just a decent time-waster and doesn’t seem to getting as much love and acclaim than there more recent Pixar entries like Soul and Turning Red. While the movie didn’t need to be a game-changer, it had to at least be good enough to justify it’s existence, which so far, doesn’t really looking like it’s going to do that. While I’m sure this won’t be a complete disaster at the box office, this does make me concern for the future of Pixar and even animation on the big screen.
With Lightyear not making as much as one would hope, I can’t shake the feeling that this will give Disney the indication that people aren’t interested in watching their movies, at least for Pixar, in theaters anymore and might resort back to strictly making their exclusive to their streaming service. If a movie based off arguably their most popular characters is unable to make a big profit, then what does that say for their more original projects coming up that won’t be part of their successful IPs.
Who’s to say anyone will show up for Elemental next summer or even a sequel like Onward 2 in the future? Who’s to say they will all just wait until those movies are available to watch on Disney Plus, just like I imagine most people will be doing the same thing for Lightyear? We have seen Disney make big chances in the past with the properties they bought if they are not as successful as they want it to be, who’s to say they won’t do the same for Pixar?
While I highly doubt that Pixar will go the same way of Blue Sky Studios but they won’t be seen as valuable to Disney as before and could resort to having their movies be exclusive to their streaming services. It’s a dark, bleak thought but it’s once that could become a reality if the results of Lightyear are any indication.
Other thoughts:
I had the strangest experience watching this movie. My initial screening didn’t happen because the theater screening was messed up so I had to take the next screening of it which was in 3D. The 3D was non-existent the first 2/3rds of the movie but then came alive in the final third of it. While I don’t think my thoughts of the movie would change that much, I do wish I had a more comfortable experience watching it.
The movie was just okay at best btw. Not bad, but just kinda mediocre. One of Pixar’s weakest movies by a wide margin and is something you could honestly wait for Disney Plus if you don’t have that much interest in it. If you are tho, then perhaps see it at a discount price so you can show theater support. 2.5/4 stars at best and 2/4 stars at worst!
And here’s a pic of the lesbian couple in the movie to scare homophobic assholes out there!
Anyone remember the simpler times when it came to television? A time where a new episode of a show was something you could look forward to every single week?! The episode itself was only a half hour long with a couple of commercial breaks in between with a tease of what next week’s episode was going to be. Back when television shows were short, sweet, and fast paced. To quote Ryan Gosling’s character in Blade Runner 2049, “things were simpler then”.
While there are certainly shows and series still out there that do that, one can’t help but wonder why is it that shows you watch on tv or series you watch on a streaming service is becoming the equivalent of watching a feature film? What I mean by that is how the ways shows nowadays are structure and when exactly each episode of a show gets released.
Instead of an episode being a brief 15 to 30 minutes long, they are now somewhere between 60 to 75 minutes now. Instead of building anticipation for the next episode and making it a weekly thing, they are now just making a handful of episodes available at the exact same time. Instead of feeling like mini-movies with each one serving their own standalone purpose, they now feel like a really big movie but split into multiple different parts with an abrupted cliffhanger after each one. This can make for a fairly disjointed and bizarrely paced entertainments. Not just because with the way each episode is put together but how companies are choosing to release all new episodes.
While it can definitely make for an interesting binging experience to have multiple episodes released at the same time, it also runs the risks of big spoilers on the show being out much more quickly than it should be. If you are someone on social media every day, you know damn well it is hard to avoid massive spoilers in any form of capacity. You know that there’s a big chance people will already be talking about a certain big twist or reveals on your Twitter or YouTube timeline before you even get a chance to watch it. You always have to remind yourself to stay off your social media pages before you watch a show to avoid any big spoilers. While shows should be able to work as it’s own thing without having big spoilers ruin the experience for you, it can be unfair to expect your audience to be able to avoid those kind of spoilers when you make the decision to be multiple episodes that are at least an hour long on the same day.
This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now but what really compelled me to write this piece is around the time the news came out that about every single episode of the fourth season of Stranger Things was going to be at least over an hour long.
In case you don’t know, before the newest season of Stranger Things came out, the length of every episode of the season was announced. Every single episode was to be at least one hour long. Here was the final episode runtimes for what was confirmed to be Part I of Season 4.
Episode 1- 1 Hour 16 Minutes
Episode 2– 1 Hour 15 Minutes
Episode 3– 1 Hour 3 Minutes
Episode 4– 1 Hour 17 Minutes
Episode 5– 1 Hour 13 Minutes
Episode 6– 1 Hour 13 Minutes
Episode 7– 1 Hour 38 Minutes
So, the first few episodes of Season 4 Part 1 was at least one hour long with the longest one being Episode 7 which was exactly 98 minutes long. The length of an actual movie. While I won’t comment on whether or not the runtime of each episode was warranted (I’m still on Episode 5 at the time of writing this!), that does seem to be asking a lot of your audience to find the amount of free time available to be able to watch all seven of these episodes without getting the big surprises revealed beforehand.
However, that was just Part I. How about Part II? Well, Part II is only confirmed to have two episodes that is scheduled to be released on July 1st, more than a month after Part I was released. And here are the confirmed runtimes for those.
Episode 8– 1 Hour 25 Minutes
Episode 9– 2 Hours 30 Minutes
Yes, you read that last one correctly. The final episode of the season is confirmed to be TWO HOURS and 30 MINUTES LONG! The length of the ending of a season is about as long as an Avengers movie. Talk about overboard! Again, I can’t confirmed if the runtime is necessary but it just feels completely and utterly bizarre to see the length of an episode be as long as an actual movie. It’s not like this is suppose to be a tv movie where the length can be considered justified. This is an episode of a big and long running series that needs at least 150 minutes of your time to provide the complete experience.
As we move time and time again in this age of streaming services, one can’t help but ask the question of how we got to this point. How is it that shows are fairly long now with multiple episodes being released at once? My conclusion comes down to two factors: social media and tv/streaming service companies.
I know I’ve stated it several times in the pass but no one can deny that we are living in a time of social media. Everyone is free to say whatever they want and when they want to. This gives anybody free realm to share how they feel about a certain form of entertainment, whether it’s a movie, tv show, book, video game, song, etc. When they really like it, they will often make a post or two about how much they enjoy it and move on with their daily lives. When they really hate it, then they will make sure that the social media account of said entertainment hears them loud and clear about their displeasure. Because of that, no doubt that will get the creators attentions as they will believe that to be the general reaction to what the public thinks of their latest projects. It’s elements like that is what is leading me to believe as to why shows have become what they are along with movies.
A main possible reason why shows and movies are as long as they are is because the creators believe they have to make their points loud and clear so they make sure the audience get the point they are trying to make. Considering we are in a time where CinemaSins is a big thing (I got a whole piece about them in the works!), they have to use certain scenes to overexplain and show off every little detail so that any potential nitpickers won’t have too much to nitpick at. While that is not necessarily the fault of CinemaSins or any other big content creators out there, the influence are becoming clear as day and something that has gotten in the heads of many creators out there. Oh, and also certain networks and companies making deals of the amount of episodes each season must have and the length of the episodes certainly isn’t helping either.
Stranger Things is definitely not the only show out there that has fallen victim to really long episodes. HBO had the writers of Game of Thrones fill up huge chunks of the show with filler so that it could match the agreed runtimes. Netflix forced Marvel to have at least 13 episodes a season regardless if there was enough material to cover that much episodes for their series. And even some would admit that Disney Plus series like Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Obi-Wan Kenobi would have probably benefited more as being movies instead of shows. This has been definitely going on for awhile now but it seems that we are now getting to a point where it feels like tv series/shows are just feeling like one giant feature film except divided into multiple parts and with no deleted scenes whatsoever. (Seriously, I dare someone to find an episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier that did NOT end with a last-minute cliffhanger out of nowhere.)
Regardless of what the true cause of this turn with television and streaming entertainment, it has definitely change the way we view shows and series. Personally, I do like the way that some streaming services like Disney +, HBO Max, and Apple are doing it by releasing just one or two episodes of a show at a time and being able to watch that episode at any given time without having to record it. That is the kind of proper transaction we need from tv to streaming as oppose as to just dumping up all 13+ episodes of a season at once like Netflix does. Even so, I do hope we go back to a time with shows where episodes can work as their own thing. Have each one have a proper beginning, middle, and end with a brief hint as what’s to come for the future. Not just feeling like a quarter or half of a movie that got cut to multiple pieces to make it structured like a show. It doesn’t make for a satisfying viewing experience in my humble opinion. I rather have movies be movies and shows be shows but that’s just me.
Stranger Things Season 4 Part I is available to watch now on Netflix with Part II available on July 1st.
With Jurassic World: Dominion now in theaters and expected to be the #1 hit at the box office this weekend, what better time than to rank all six films in this franchise. While most fans and critics tend to agree of what movie is the very best of the series, the rest of the rankings usually tend to be all over the place. Some have their fans and others have their haters but overall, opinions tend to vary. I did talk briefly about my thoughts on this series in my Dominion review but now it’s time to talk where I rank each one from worst to best.
6.) Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
This is about as bad as a sequel can get. Fallen Kingdom is somehow able to take everything that was wrong with all of the Jurassic Park sequels up to this point and put it all on steroids. While director J.A. Bayona does what he can to add some of his own unique directing style to the series, he is completely let down by a horrible screenplay filled with dumb characters, nonsensical motivations, absurd retcons, and some of the laughable plot twists imaginable. Unable to decide if it wants to be an over-the-top action thrill ride or some meaningful political themed exploration between humans and dinosaurs, Fallen Kingdom shows what happens when a franchise has long lost it’s way and only exists because of it’s profits. Again, why was the girl a clone again?
5.) Jurassic World: Dominion
The newest and (possibly) last entry in the franchise, Dominion is a mild step up from the last one. This mostly has to do with the returning cast of the originals joining along for the ride this time as well as a new character played by DeWanda Wise being a welcome presence. Unfortunately, that’s about the only things keeping it above Fallen Kingdom. The whole “dino among us” premise that the last movie set up is practically non-existent here with only a handful of nice, silent visual moments showing off the potential for it. Too much time is focused on research labs and having to rescue the little girl while too little time is focused on the actual dinosaurs themselves. The original and new cast don’t come together until way too late and by then, you will most likely be tuned out of the picture and just feeling numb. It will probably make it’s money and be enjoyed by moviegoers all around the world but I think it’s time to leave this once revolutionary series behind us.
4.) Jurassic Park III
The first film not directed by Steven Spielberg also seems to be the first one that seemed to be aware of the impossible standards it could not meet. At this point, it was painfully obvious that any sequel to follow the original was automatically gonna look bad by comparison and would at best, be taking home a silver medal for being in 2nd place. While Spielberg tried (and failed) to top the bar with The Lost World, Jurassic Park III simply tries to embrace it’s own cheese and camp value to make for a B-movie. Does it completely work? Definitely not but there can be some guilty pleasure fun if you can accept some absurdly ridiculous moments and the painfully obvious rushed script. It’s also nice to have Sam Neill back as Dr. Alan Grant in this as well. Joe Johnston basically takes what Spielberg did in the final half hour of the last minute and just makes that the whole movie. As a result, Johnston basically does what he can in the best of a clearly unwinnable situation.
3.) Jurassic World
After 22 years, someone was finally dumb enough to open up the park of dinos and the result is nothing but chaos and stupidity. The first of the “World” trilogy does admittedly has some enjoyable parts scattered throughout. It’s fun to actually explore the park as it opens for business, the final 45 minutes includes probably the most enthralling action of the entire franchise (especially the last bit with the Indominous Rex), and seeing Chris Pratt riding alongside the dinosaurs is cool stuff. That can’t quite make up for everything else that the rest of the movie lacks. The characters are all one-note and complete cartoons, there’s hardly any logic at play, nearly every major plot beat wouldn’t happen if anyone would just behave like an actual human being, and man, do the CGI dinosaurs stick out like an absolute sore thumb. There’s enough entertaining bits that can make this qualify as a guilty pleasure as compared to the other two Jurassic World movies but once the credits roll, you can’t help but think of the number of missed opportunities here. For a movie like Jurassic World where it’s main moral is “Don’t make Jurassic World!”, you can’t help but wonder if the filmmakers would have been better off listening to their own advice despite 1.6 billion dollar signs at the box office saying otherwise.
2.) The Lost World: Jurassic Park
Steven Spielberg deep down had to know that he was never gonna top the original when making this one and the fact he even tried to is admirable but also foolhardy. The Lost World sees Spielberg attempting to dive deeper into the dinosaur mythology by putting a bigger emphasis on animal rights along with more focus on family dynamics by making standout side character Jeff Goldblum the main protagonist this time out. The results are quite mixed. While Spielberg has executed similar themes brilliantly in other movies, here it comes across as half baked and at times, preachy. And with how action packed and tense the final 30 minutes is seeing the T. Rex causing rampage in the streets of San Diego, you can’t help but wonder if Steven would have been better off just making that kind of movie this time out. Still, even when Spielberg is not on top form, his movies are usually entertaining and engaging throughout and this one is no exception. The Lost World has enough things it does right to call it the best sequel but you can clearly tell how even the king of blockbuster filmmaking really struggled to make this one the perfect companion piece to the original standout with the likes of Aliens and T2: Judgement Day.
1.) Jurassic Park
Was there ever any doubt? I don’t know how many times I have to say it but the original Jurassic Park main advantage it has than any of the sequels is how being the first of it’s kind was complete lightning in a bottle that could just never be replicated again. Seeing the amazement of an actual possible theme park of dinosaur creatures can never it like it did the first time. The action sequences are all incredible, with the main highlights being the whole T Rex chase scene. The characters, while mostly simplistic, are all real likable throughout. The actors fit their roles like a glove. The dinosaur effects still mostly hold up pretty well today. And, who doesn’t get at least a little misty eyed when they hear that beyond beautiful theme by John Williams. There is just not a single part where Jurassic Park falters. Sure, you can make an argument that it’s simply blockbuster popcorn entertainment but there has arguably not been blockbuster popcorn entertainment quite as impactful as this movie. The fact this was made by the same man who released this and Schindler’s List in the exact same year says it all what an absolute miracle this movie is. The entire message that the original gets across is that perhaps it’s for the best that Jurassic Park doesn’t actually get made and while some of the sequels had their moments, I don’t think that many people would be hurt if the filmmakers remained committed to that sort of commitment.
So, that’s my ranking of the Jurassic Park movies? Let me know yours in the comments below and be sure to follow me on here and through my social media pages if you would like to see more content from me.
I know this is definitely at least three decades too late to bring up but isn’t it worth acknowledging that the original Jurassic Park was the exact definition of a great movie that feels like it should be expanded into it’s own franchise but when you actually get right down to it or even think about it for a split second, you realize “No!”, this is the kind of movie which you DON’T make into a franchise because the entire idea of multiple sequels and spinoffs completely contradict the morals and message that the original was trying to convey. In the sense that the original Jurassic Park existing and being as good as it is on it’s own terms is simply something you can’t replicate. You would never be able to get that same sense of accomplishment of seeing something so imaginary as real life dinosaurs existing in it’s own unique theme park and the idea of opening the doors for more of it is basically asking yourself for unmatched standards to reach. That has definitely been a problem that has plagued every single movie since the original. Each one has their moments and some are better than others but it’s just never going to be Jurassic Park no matter how many times you try. And that same thing certainly applies to Jurassic World Dominion possibly more so than any other Jurassic Park sequel.
Premise: It’s been four years since the events of Fallen Kingdom. After Isla Nublar has been destroyed and Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon) released the dinosaurs out into the open ends of the world, dinosaurs now live and exist with humans along with constantly hunting and preying on them. It’s then that the future of mankind and these fearsome creatures remain in balance. We see returning characters from the previous two Jurassic World movies such as Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) along with returning characters from the original including Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill), Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern), and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) who try to uncover secrets as to what the tech company named BioSyn wants with the technology from the original Jurassic Park and what are they trying to obtain with Maisie, the clone daughter of Ben Lockwood (Be honest, you totally forgot that girl was actually a clone!). Can humanity learn to co-exist along with dinosaurs or will one side’s role to the world will lead to the extinction of another?
Now, admittedly, for at least the first half of the premise I just mention there, it can make for a rather interesting or at least fun one. The idea of human beings and dinosaurs being forced to live with each other now that they are all free can make for an engaging enough parallel to the original of having the relationships between the main human characters and the dinosaurs evolve with one another. Whether it’s makes for a solid exploration of human beings inhabiting with other species like say the new Planet of the Apes movies or for making a wacky, over-the-top movie with ridiculously fun and unrealistic set pieces like the Fast and Furious movies, this can make for something worthwhile. Could it match or top the original? No, not even close but there would at least be something here and even make the World movies able to justify their own existence except for the business side of things.
Unfortunately, just like with the last two Jurassic World movies, Dominion doesn’t seem interested in it’s own concepts and ideas and yet again makes for another Jurassic movie that are all about these brave and reckless heroes running away from scary dinos in numerous remote locations. It makes me wonder what was even the point of the last one going in the bold direction it did at the end if it was gonna follow the same pattern nearly beat-for-beat. With the exception of some expositions scenes at the beginning along with a handful of silent, visually pleasing moments of human interacting with dinosaurs (mostly at the very beginning and very end), the movie’s whole “human and dinosaurs co-existing” premise gets pushed to the wayside (I actually forgot that dinos were a part of humanity for a good portion of the second act) in favor of another typical chase movie where the main characters are on the run and have to rescue a girl from the government. Between this and Obi-Wan Kenobi, I think most folks are starting to realize just how completely redundant that whole premise is.
The movie tries to earn some bonus points by bringing back the original cast of Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum reprising their roles as Dr. Alan Grant, Ellie Sattler, and Ian Malcolm respectively. While it is definitely nice to see these actors in these movies again (even if Sam Neill looks slightly annoyed to be here) and I’m sure it will make longtime fans of the series excited to see them interact with the newer characters, they don’t seem to have much of an important role that the movie are hoping they would. A lot of time with them is spent in research labs in scenes that really drag and could have shaved off at least a good 15 to 20 minutes of it’s runtime (This movie is nearly two and a half hours long btw!). They really only seem to be here because this is supposedly the last movie of the franchise and I guess it’s feel appropriate to bring them here to play a role since the world is now forced to inhabited with what they unwillingly helped create.
As for the returning Jurassic World characters, they are about as one-note and cardboard cutout as before and is relying heavily on the performances of the cast to be able to add some sort of thematic weight. Chris Pratt is still playing the cocky, charismatic badass and Bryce Dallas Howard is still playing the overprotective but somewhat meaningful mother figure. Both do what they can but they are only really likable for the actors they are and not for the characters they are playing. One standout however, is DeWanda Wise as Kayla Watts, a former Air Force pilot who helps out Owen and Claire on their mission. While her character can be noted as also just a typical kick-ass woman (something which this movies has surprisingly quite a bit off), Wise brings enough energy and charisma of her own and I hope she is able to shine more in a better role like this in the future.
There is a couple of action set pieces that are fine in their own right, most notably a motorcycle chase scene with Owen and the dinosaurs, even if they don’t quite reach the same heights as the first Jurassic World‘s action-packed finale and the final showdown with the Indominus Rex. The dinosaurs surprisingly don’t stand out as bad as they did in the first Jurassic World but not as nice to look at as they did in Fallen Kingdom (J.A. Bayona definitely brought his A game in that one!). The score by Michael Giacchino is serviceable at best but I was at least expecting to hear the full Jurassic Park theme at one point (especially since this is suppose to be the final movie, after all). Lastly, there are a handful of moments that do flirt with it’s own premise and gives at hint at what it could have been if it was able to at least figured out what it actually wanted to be.
That has basically been the whole problem with all three of these Jurassic World movies, most notably it’s sequels. It can never seem to decide what kind of movie it wants to commit too and what type of direction it’s willing to go in. They all seems like it wants to have it’s cake and eat it too by operating as both a goofy action-packed adventure along with one with important social/political commentary but it just never amounts to anything or goes far enough with either concept. A big reason why the original Jurassic World can only been seen as a guilty pleasure at best and these last two as just beautiful disasters.
Take the whole deal with Maisie, the girl who is suppose to be a clone. It’s a bizarre idea that is never justified because the movie itself doesn’t know what to do with that idea. We don’t see how Maisie is any different than any other human being or how being a clone affects her on an emotional level other than being able to connect with the dinosaurs more so than anyone else. She’s just there to be seen as the big important girl of the picture just because the script says so. That entire character is basically this entire series in a nutshell. Bizarre and just not worth investing in.
This all goes back to my original point at the beginning of how these sequels will never be able to follow up to the original because it’s mere existence goes against what the original stand for. The entire idea around Jurassic Park is how there shouldn’t be a Jurassic Park because having something that special is just too good to be true. While these follow-ups tend to hint at similar morals, it never remains fully committed to it or even tries to act as a meta commentary of sorts. It’s hard to judge these movies for what they are trying to be because I don’t think even the movies themselves know what they want to be. When even the man who made the classic original was unable to make lightning completely strike a second time with his own movie, you know you are fighting a losing battle here. At best, you are fighting for second place.
However, regardless of my personal feelings on it, this series clearly has an audience of it’s own. The last two made over a billion dollars at the box office and I wouldn’t be surprised seeing this one make similar numbers. If you are fan of this franchise and enjoy the prior two movies, then you most likely will enjoy this one. If you didn’t enjoy them, then there is no reason to believe that this one will change your mind. Despite it’s undeniable commercial success, it still feels like for the better for these movies to finally heed it’s own advice for once, to stop trying to bring a beautiful dead thing back to live and just let it rest in peace. I highly doubt that Universal will commit to that but one can only hope.
Other comments:
I still don’t understand the reasoning for making the girl a clone.
Can someone please tell me the difference between Campbell Scott’s character in this movie and his one from The Amazing Spider-Man movies?
For as much as we like to talk about The Force Awakens being the movie to kick-start this legacy sequel ear we are currently in, we all tend to forget that the original Jurassic World came first and was just as successful financially.
Speaking of which, at least we all now know that Episode IX would have been doomed no matter what.
What is it with Colin Treverrow taking fun and exciting ideas but always executing them in the worst and oddest ways possible?
On the bright side, BD Wong is here and is still awesome!
*Warning- This piece DOES contain spoilers for Top Gun: Maverick! If you haven’t seen the movie yet and/or don’t want anything spoiled, then you might want to click off this piece and come back to it after you have seen the movie.*
In terms of the “legacy sequels” that are coming out nowadays, Top Gun: Maverick existing as one feels insane. At least with the likes of Star Wars, Ghostbuster, Jurassic World, Terminator, Mad Max, Rocky, Halloween, etc.., that you can argue that those came from long-running franchises with multiples entries over the past few decades. Top Gun, similar to Blade Runner, was a straight-up standalone feature that in no way, shape, or form, demanded a sequel. Heck, even Tom Cruise himself admitted to not wanting to do a sequel until at least ten years after the original came out. You can debate about how well the original Top Gun holds today (I don’t really think it has.), but it’s existence both feels like a blessing and a curse with how good a legacy-kind of sequel can be.
The big thing that Maverick most differentiate from most legacy sequels is the “passing of the torch” approach. Movies such as The Force Awakens, Afterlife, and this year’s Scream have themes involving a brand new colorful set of characters who are designed to be the main focus with most of the spotlight shined on them while the legacy/fan favorite characters are secondary and play a big role of guiding these new characters through the journeys they go on in the movie. It’s always about the new characters accepting their role as the main people to follow and the old characters accepting their roles as mentor/leadership figures and that it’s time for them to move on to other things. Maverick however takes an approach that’s not all the different from Creed and even, to some odd existent, Cars 3 (Just hear me out!). While Maverick does indeed have the original star from the first movie himself, Pete Maverick, having to guide a new generation of pilots onto the next mission, it also seems to be trying to state that Maverick himself is still the best of the best as an pilot can get despite not being able to exactly pass that along.
Throughout the movie, we see Maverick having a very difficult time training these younger pilots. He’s unable to get him to that certain level of not just what Maverick could ever do as a pilot but even enough to be able to complete the main mission. A big part of it has to do with Maverick’s own attachment to Rooster, the son of his own late RIO and best friend, Goose (Miles Teller). Maverick is clearly still emotionally damaged about losing his friend years ago and is most afraid of that same outcome happening to his own son. It takes a big and very touching conversation of his old former rival/close friend Iceman (Val Kilmer) to push Pete to do what he can to teach the crew. That is until a few days later where words gets out that Iceman passed away and the Naval Air Forces led by Cyclone (Jon Hamm) decide to move on from Maverick as an instructor.
In hindsight, it’s really difficult to find out what exactly the point of Maverick’s role is in this movie. While the original Top Gun established he’s as good as a pilot can get, then Maverick seems to establish that he is also as bad as a teacher can get. That along seems to question whether or not this movie needed to exist in the first place. If Tom Cruise is unable to inspire a new generation of air force pilots with balls and heart, then why even bother to make the movie outside of 80s kid nostalgia over the original. That is until we get to the scene after the big turning point of the movie.
During a class meeting that Cyclone has with Maverick’s former students, Maverick makes an unauthorized flight of the simulated course with the original parameters. With this successful test, it proves that the mission can in face be done. As a result, Cyclone is convinced and reluctantly appoints Maverick as strike leader. That right there brilliantly showcases the role that Maverick still plays. He might not be able to pass on the torch to others properly, but he can still hold that torch still pretty damn high and have others surrounding him. It’s then that the other younger pilots are able to complete the mission but not doing what Maverick himself still does best as a pilot but what they themselves do best as a pilot. It’s only the advice that Maverick himself gives to Rooster, “Don’t think, just act!” that has the needed impact it does to get this young crew to complete the mission and save Maverick himself.
Just like how Creed found a suitable role for Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa to act as a mentor to Michael B Jordan’s Adonis Creed and even how Cars 3 shown that Lightning McQueen still has enough in the tank to be a competitive racer along with having an apprentice of his own, Top Gun: Maverick seems to argue that you can have your cake and eat it too with these kind of sequels. You can have the old characters still be as important and meaningful as the newer characters without needing to sacrifice one end or the other. Legacy sequels don’t necessarily have to be the end of the legacy characters journey but the beginning of a brand new one. It’s possible that newer characters don’t have to be the next face of the franchise but the right face of it to guide the meaning and purpose of the original characters. Two wrongs can still make a right!
You can say what you want about Tom Cruise as a person and his own beliefs, but no doubt, he knows his own reputation as an actor and still loves to do whatever it takes to entertain his audience in any way he can. Whether it’s Mission Impossible, Jack Reacher, or Top Gun, Cruise’s characters still act as the best kind of action hero that anyone can except out of whatever character he plays. In some sense, these newer Mission Impossible sequels and Top Gun: Maverick itself that sees Tom Cruise continuing to challenge and dare himself to do better and better. And he will keep doing that either until he’s tired of it or he’s just dies. Regardless, Top Gun: Maverick, unlike other legacy sequels, seems to give the notion that it’s titled main character is still on top form with what he is still able to do even if he can’t seem to do anything else. Sometimes it’s okay to let Tom Cruise be the Tom Cruise that audience knows and loves about him without the need for anything else.
Other comments:
Jon Hamm sure did seem like he was having the time of his life being Tom Cruise’s boss in a movie.
We really don’t talk enough about how talented Jennifer Connelly is.
I saw this movie on Memorial Day with my parents. I can’t say for sure but I’m pretty sure this is now their new favorite movie ever.
The Obi-Wan Kenobi series has just premiered exclusively on Disney Plus and as expected, it’s been quite debated. And the thing that has been debated the most is how much this series “retcons” certain things from the franchise and doesn’t in-line with the so-called Star Wars canon. Things such as Kenobi actually leaving Tatooine during his exile phase or facing off against Vader has been claimed that it doesn’t match with the continuity between Episodes 3 and 4. While some of those statements might be true, this should not aggravate fans as much as it does. Why is that? Because Star Wars retcons stuff ALL THE TIME!
It’s quite mindboggling how many people out there like to pretend that Star Wars is a series that HASN’T consisted of patching itself up with glue and duct tape constantly. Many folks like to pretend that George Lucas had every single thing planned five or so years ahead of time before each installment in the prequel and original trilogy came out and there was clearly no improvising. Many folks like to pretend that the people behind making Star Wars content actually put that much heavy thought into the supposed “canon”.
The big truth about Star Wars is that it’s not as popular because it’s perfect. Star Wars is popular because it’s imperfect. It’s that imperfection that makes this series as special and at times, shocking as it is. Does it all hold up to scrutiny? Not even close, but that’s a big part of the appeal and it should be acknowledged as such.
As of result, with the amount of discourse surrounding the Obi-Wan Kenobi series and how it retcons established lore and continuity, I’ve decided to take the time to write down ten of the biggest retcons in the while Star Wars franchise. After all, if we are all gonna critique this new series for having retcons, then it’s only fair to shine the light on other entries in the same franchise that have done it as well.
Disclaimer: I’m not gonna add Obi-Wan Kenobi to this list because that’s still brand new and plenty of people out there have poke fun at it’s retcons and continuity errors. I’m only focusing on the movies themselves and the animated series that are confirmed to be canon (mostly The Clone Wars).
First off, some honorable mentions:
“I hope a weakness can be found” “Umm…yes there is! You should know about that because Felicity Jones already said there was one!”
In Rogue One, Jyn Erso leads an army of Rebel soldiers to secure the death star plans and is suppose to carefully lead itself into A New Hope. It’s then once Luke, Han, Leia, and the whole gang come together and is able to secure the Death Star plans back to base, they can then analyze the plans in the hopes that they can find a weakness.
Just one problem! They should already know there’s a weakness because in Rogue One, Jyn herself told the Rebel Alliance that a weakness does in fact, exist! How is it that they are able to forgot the one important detail that a fallen soldier just recently implied? Did the Rebels just not believe Jyn? Do they just have short-term memory? No wonder why no one wants to join the Rebel Alliance!
“Diplomatic mission to Alderaan? Sure?!”
Rogue One had one of the best moments with Darth Vader ever. Just those 30 seconds of him hacking and slashing his way through the Rebel soldiers to try to gain the Death Star plans felt like it was ripped straight out of a good horror movie. It’s a brutally intense scene that shows why Darth Vader is the most feared ruler in the galaxy.
However, it seems way too confident that Leia is just willingly to apply that she is just on some mercy mission when that is complete BS! Yes, Leia was clearly lying to Vader but come on, that is way too on the nose there to claim that’s how George Lucas imagined that exact sequence that took place right before the opening of the original. Not to mention, Vader uses his power and strength in ways that he did not do throughout the entire original trilogy. And he uses his lightsaber to block gunshots despite Empire Strikes Back establishing he can do it with his bare hands now just because.
Nik Sant is actually Captain Rex!
In recent years, it’s been confirmed that a rebel soldier named Nik Sant, whose older and has a big white beard, was actually Captain Rex, the clone trooper from The Clone Wars series all along. In case you don’t know, Nik Sant is that one Rebel that was with Han Solo in Return of the Jedi and you can see his appearance the moment that Han tapped a stormtrooper’s soldier to lead him into a trap. As it turns out, there was in fact, a clone trooper that stood proud alongside the protagonists of the series all along. However, shouldn’t he be like 65 years old or something at this point? I wouldn’t think someone would have the strength to keep fighting after all of those years. This was clearly done as a nod to fans of TheClone Wars series and nothing more.
All right, onto the big ones! The top 10 most WTF retcon moments in Star Wars!
10.) “I’ve been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku” “Uh, yeah I already know that! We’ve fought like seven times before!”
In Revenge of the Sith, General Grievous tells Obi-Wan that he had lightsaber training from Count Dooku which had allowed Grievous to become the bloodthirsty killer that he is just before the two duel!
That’s very odd for Grievous to bring that up when Obi-Wan is already well aware of this since they fought each other like five or so times in The Clone Wars series. While it’s never officially stated that this is the very first time that the two got into a lightsaber brawl, the scene plays out like it does, especially since Obi-Wan is suppose to look rather surprised with how much lightsabers Grievous is able to wield at the same time. It’s also strange how in The Clone Wars series, Grievous always states Obi-Wan’s name as just “Kenobi”, where in Revenge of the Sith, he mostly goes by “General Kenobi”!
At least, it’s established tho that Grievous started the “Hello, there!” meme before Obi-Wan made it cool.
9.) “My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count!” “You mean when we met like a couple months ago?”
Another retcon from Clone Wars and Revenge of the Sith, when Anakin and Obi-Wan encounter Count Dooku while attempting to rescue the Chancellor, Anakin implies that he has gotten even stronger since the last time those two fight. With the way the fights plays off, Anakin is suppose to be referencing when the two squared off during the battle of Geonosis in Attack of the Clones. However, it’s actually referring to whatever their last confrontation was in The Clone Wars, which btw they fought like five or so times as well.
If you don’t believe me, Obi-Wan even says to Anakin before the fight, “This time we will do it together!” And Anakin replies, “I was about to say that!” Um, didn’t you two fight Dooku together in the sixth season of The Clone Wars? And for what I remember about that fight, you two seemed to work together just fine. What are you exactly talking about that just now, you two will take him together!
Unfortunately, unlike the last one, a glorious meme didn’t come for this so welp!
8.) Leia’s “real” mother
I’m just gonna let the lovely Megan Cruz take this one!
Remember in Return of the Jedi when Leia is talking to Luke about how she remembers their mother & then in Revenge of the Sith Padme dies seconds after giving birth pic.twitter.com/Z8Z58xszDE
Despite Ahsoka being one of the most loved and beloved characters in the entire Star Wars canon, her mere existence is basically a retcon of the prequels themselves. Throughout the entire prequel trilogy, Ahsoka is never stated or even hinted at throughout any of the movies. It’s never confirmed that Anakin had a Padawan or an apprentice of some kind. Heck, from what the films suggest, you had to be ranked as a Jedi Master to be able to have a Padawan but Anakin clearly doesn’t have it yet.
Granted, when I did my prequel era retrospective, I did state that Ahsoka was still arguably the most important character in the story of Anakin Skywalker and I stand by that. However, I meant that in a more thematic and symbolic way rather than from a storytelling perspective. There was clearly no original intent on Anakin having an apprentice of his own and The Clone Wars era was clearly only meant to be through the perspective between Anakin and Obi-Wan respectfully.
Am I glad that Ahsoka exists? Of course, I do! But that doesn’t make it any less of a retcon.
6.) Palpatine Survived
At the climax of Return of the Jedi, we see the fall of Darth Vader and rise of what is left of Anakin Skywalker as he used the last of his strength to hold the Emperor and throw him down to his doom. It was that moment where Anakin proved that he was indeed the Chosen One by saving his own son Luke from death by his former master. Too bad that sacrifice meant little to nothing as it turns out.
In The Rise of Skywalker, we get confirmation that Palpatine had survived from that fall and had been secretly planning his revenge on the galaxy for the past 30+ years. How did he survive you may ask? Because….because…..okay there was no reason. This was only done because J.J. Abrams couldn’t think of another big baddie for the final movie in the Skywalker Saga that would allow Kylo Ren to turn good after Rian Johnson killed off Snoke in the last movie.
There are still so many questions involving Palpatine I still have yet to cover on this list.
5.) Obi-Wan Kenobi is a liar
This is one that fans have complained about for so many years but this had to be addressed. Obi-Wan Kenobi is a lying a-hole! By that, I mean that he lied to Luke about the truth of his real father and even his sibling. Obi-Wan claims that it was Darth Vader that killed Anakin Skywalker, Luke’s own father. However, what he didn’t say was that Vader and Anakin were the same person and Vader was the name that Anakin took after he turned to the dark side. I get that Obi-Wan might not have wanted Luke to look on his father so downly but come on, you gotta be truthful!
Not only that but Obi-Wan didn’t even mention the fact that Luke had a sister who just happened to be the one woman he made out with in the last film. I’ll talk about that more in the next one. But yeah, Kenobi is a lying piece of s*it! It’s no wonder that Luke sounded so bitter when he was talking about him in The Last Jedi!
4.) Luke and Leia being siblings
Yet another one fans like to rip apart! First off, No, this was clearly not the idea that George Lucas had in mind from the beginning. It’s clear that the other “Skywalker” was suppose to carry over until the next series of Star Wars films where Luke would have went out and search for that other “Skywalker”. But by the time Return of the Jedi came out, Lucas decided to scrap that plan for a sequel trilogy and focus on the prequels surrounding Anakin Skywalker. I’m sure George is not a supporter of incest in any way, shape, or form. It just an overall clumsy way to tie up a loose end that the last movie left hanging and poorly trying to top the “I am your father!” reveal.
The one thing that has always bogged my mind was how was it that Darth Vader couldn’t sense Leia was his own daughter when he captured her in the first one. Couldn’t he sense that the force was strong with Leia or something? It’s only during the final confrontation with his son that he realized that he also had a daughter.
What bothers me the most is that it doesn’t play much of a role in Return of the Jedi. Aside from that one scene where Luke goes batshit crazy at Vader after he suggested that Leia could turn, it doesn’t really amount much to anything other than providing an answer to a question from the last movie. If only the original trilogy was planned from the get-go, am I right?
3.) Rey is Palpatine’s granddaughter (or not)
I still can’t believe this one is legit. I still can’t believe that J.J. Abrams and Chris Terrio even flirted with the idea that the Emperor may have got busy with someone in the Star Wars universe. Such a bizarre journey of Rey going from someone who must be important because of how powerful she is to being a nobody to suddenly being related to the most evil man in the galaxy. It’s hard to justify this creative choice other than to give a half-ass explanation as to why Rey has as much power as she does.
What’s even more baffling is that she might not actually be the granddaughter of Palaptine but his clone? That’s right! In some recent novelization that came out after Rise of Skywalker stated that the Palaptine in the movie was not actually the real Palpatine but a clone of him and that the real one did in fact die at the end of Return of the Jedi. So, that makes Rey not a Palpatine but the daughter of the clone of a Palpatine? I…just…I….got nothing else.
Lying sure seems to be a tradition in Star Wars. First, Obi-Wan lies to Luke about his lineage. Now, Luke and his sister Leia lied to Rey about hers. *in George Lucas’s voice* It’s like poetry, it rhymes!
In Rise of Skywalker, Luke states that he and Leia knew that Rey was a Palpatine the whole time but never told her. Yes, you heard me! Luke and Leia knew that Rey just had to be someone special and gifted and they knew that someone who was special and gifted was also related to the most evil man in the galaxy. How did they know this? How long have they’ve known this? What was the exact moment that they figured it out? None of that is even remotely explained in the movie.
I just don’t get why this change was made. It makes both Luke and Leia look even worse than Obi-Wan. The movie tries to claim that they didn’t tell her because both saw Rey for her “spirit” and not for where she came from but that’s no where near enough. If you sense someone as incredibly powerful as Rey is and she is in the middle of discovering it, you must figure out where that power came from and tell her immediately.
1.) Midi-chlorians
The one moment that changed the way Star Wars portray the force forever. In a scene in The Phantom Menace, Anakin asks Qui-Gon what midi-chlorians are suppose to be. It’s then that Qui-Gon implies that midi-chlorians are microorganisms that originated from the foundation of life in the center of the galaxy.
Despite the original trilogy implying that the force should always be known as a living thing that is inside any living being, this moment suggests that the force actually is something that is measurable and can easily be explained in a microorganism. Only those that have the highest midi-chlorian can contain the true power of the force now it seems. While this was clearly done as a means of making the force something readable and easy to detect, this completely changes the entire concept of the force entirely. In a way, it practically robs the true meaning of it and makes it seems as though only the ones that are “special” can actually contain it.
I chose this as the biggest WTF retcon in Star Wars because it’s one that I believe can actively make you change your perspective on every single Star Wars thing ever. And it will be hard to ever find one that does!
Also, Han shot first!
Other comments:
This was actually planned for that final piece for Star Wars month in May but things got in the way and I didn’t have much energy to get it done by the 31st! Sorry for anyone that was waiting what that big surprise was going to be!
I still do plan to write something about Top Gun: Maverick! Hoping to get it out sometime this weekend!
Also, to anyone that is harassing Moses Ingram or sending her racists comments? Burn in hell! Just f*cking burn in hell! That’s all I got to say on that.
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